Pathetique
by vulgar shudder
Summary: Cloud is a pianist at a breaking point, but his playing one night catches the interest of his neighbour… CloudxZack, Yaoi, AU, ANGST.
1. Harmony of Discord

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, super-uke Cloud_

_Rating: PG for now_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

_Summary: Cloud is a pianist at a breaking point, but his playing one night catches the interest of his neighbour…_

_Notes: If you're curious about the pieces mentioned, youtube is your friend._

**Pathetique**

**Part 1 - Harmony of Discord**

Cloud sat in front of the black and white keys, they seemed to be taunting him. He didn't know how long he'd been there, the clock ticked in earnest behind him. It was dark in his apartment, and that suited his mood fine.

He'd been brooding for the past week, and it had culminated in a stand off between him and the grand piano that took canter stage in the modern apartment.

Finally his hands moved over the keys, but they became paralysed before he could even press one key. It used to bring him such joy, but now just thinking about it brought him crushing anxiety.

He must play though, and finally he pressed the keys. The first movement of Beethoven's Pathetique. Getting through the opening was tough, he had to force himself to remain slow, and that only meant he had to keep his breathing slow as well.

Finally the heavier, dramatic part. He tried to put his feeling into it, but the jumps and repetitive notes were making the underside of his fore arms burn. A mistake, and another. His timing was off, it was all over the place, he was butchering it.

Finally he just slammed his hands down onto the keys, making the piano give out a dreadful sound. It was probably the best he would ever produce, he was useless.

Something in him snapped, and in a rage he stood picking up the piano stool beneath him. It was raised onto his shoulder, and he was ready to bring it down on the expensive piece of wood and strings. It was no good to him, absolutely wasted.

His breath came out hard as he hesitated. Do it, just destroy it and end this joke.

Cloud gritted his teeth about ready to do the deed when a frantic knocking came to his front door and it broke him from his thoughts.

He froze, clutching the leg of the chair it's weight starting to take it's toll on his grip but he was waiting for the knocking to stop.

It didn't, and he knew that it would be impossible to pretend no one was home after that performance. The man put the chair down, and reluctantly went over to the front door, tripping in the dark through the mine field of score books and sheet music scattered around the piano.

The knocking continued until he opened it a crack to squint outside.

There stood a tall man with dark spiky hair and faded t-shirt and sweat pants. He had obviously been woken from sleep. He looked a bit sheepish to be standing there, and put one hand on his hip as he scratched through his tangled hair.

"Um you know…" The man began. "As much as I'd love to hear you play more it's three AM and I really need to get up in the morning…"

Cloud's blue eyes widened in realisation. Of course what had he done, he'd just been creating a din through out the night.

"I…" Cloud began, but the words escaped him. He was embarrassed and ashamed for causing other people such a nuisance with his own selfish frustrations.

The man finally noticed Cloud's dumbness, and finally peered a bit closer at his face. Maybe it was the dark circles under the un-brushed hair that made him enquire, "Are you ok?"

Cloud nodded, it was the only thing he was certain he could do to communicate. "I'm sorry." He got out eventually.

The taller man grinned, "Eh no worries. I really wouldn't mind usually it's just tomorrow I got like something to do and…." He must have noticed Cloud looked like he wished the world would swallow him up. "But you can make it up to me by playing for me sometime, you sound really good."

What a joke, Cloud thought. "I'm sorry." He said his mouth working finally. "I'm very sorry it won't happen again." He said quickly before he closed the door on the dark haired man. What a fool I am, he thought to himself. No, that would definitely never be happening again.

Cloud trudged in through the hall way of his apartment building, back from another day at work. What job would a failed pianist have? A piano teacher of course. Just a teacher at a chain school, teaching mostly kids with no interest in the piano but pushy parents who made them come every week. He'd find himself gazing off into space as he listened to some piece the kid clearly hadn't practiced. He couldn't be bothered to admonish them for it, he just mechanically explained where they went wrong, what needed work, a few mandatory words of encouragement. But his heart wasn't in it, and that was harder to fake with adult students. They soon switched to different teachers, leaving him with the few odd balls with ulterior motives.

Punch in, and punch out. But he had little to look forward to outside of work, go back to his apartment, struggle to play, give up, and sulk.

His most recent bout of depression had been caused by an upcoming competition he was supposed to be entering. But he couldn't even choose a piece to play, let alone perfect it. So the entry form sat un-posted, destined for the trash when the dead line passed.

It was a miracle he had been able to leave his apartment after that late night incident for fear of bumping into his neighbour. Zack Fair, the mailbox had said. He'd moved in a month or so before, and he hadn't seen him before or since the night in question.

It looked like he was going to make it to his apartment door without another embarrassing encounter. Cloud pushed the lock into the door, and was about to turn it when he heard the next door along open.

He turned to see Zack, and in a panic turned the key and pushed his way into the door. But in the time it took to do that his neighbour gave him a grin. Cloud had tripped over himself and pushed the door back behind him, in a tangle with his messenger bag and scarf. Oh why now had he bumped into the other man, when he'd managed to go the previous month without incident.

Apollo hated him, it was as simple as that.

Cloud was wrestling with his scarf and bag when there was a knock at the door. He froze. Oh not again. He hadn't even been playing why would he be knocking again.

Throwing his bag and coat aside he had to go answer the door, the knocking was persistent. He cautiously opened it a crack, and indeed Zack was there and gave him a friendly smile.

"Hey I saw you were home, and I was wondering if I could hear you play…"

Cloud still only hadn't opened the door further, just stared back with his trade mark blank expression. His old piano teacher had commented on it many years ago, how when he was playing he'd stare down, neither focusing on his hands or the score. It was almost like a trance when he played.

But that still hadn't put Zack off. "And I can make dinner if that sweetens the deal. I'm not a bad cook." He tried to tempt.

It wasn't all that tempting to Cloud, but Zack wasn't going away, and he did owe him from what happened the other night. He stepped away from the door, flicking on some lights. There was still scores laying around, and he started collecting them into piles so he wouldn't have to look at t he other man.

He had obviously let himself in. There wasn't, because from somewhere behind him a voice said, "Hey I'm Zack. I know you're Cloud your mailbox is below mine, I should have introduced myself sooner."

Cloud didn't reply, he wanted to get this over with so he left the piles of books and went to sit at his grand piano that took centre stage in the studio apartment. He had two pianos, the traditional black grand and an electric piano. The electric he used when he played at night, and he could save and record things. But Zack was expecting something from the grand, so he waited in front of it not opening he lid yet. "What do you want to hear?" He asked, lets get this over with.

The voice was closer now, just behind him. "Oh anything, I don't really know about music."

Oh just great. Well what ever, he opened the lid and started playing. The 3rd movement of moon light sonata, something that needed to be played fast so he wouldn't need to concentrate on keeping a steady rhythm.

His body rocked gently with the fast movements his hands made. It was an intense piece, he had mastered it technically. He was relieved he wasn't making any mistakes…but his emotion as always was lacking.

His brow furrowed in concentration, and after a flowing crescendo he stopped prematurely, unable to make himself reach the end. He looked up, he was sweating from the effort needed to play the piece, and his eyes opened more in surprise. Zack had pulled a chair to face him from the side of the piano, and he was smiling.

"Wow…" The dark haired man started to give a slow clap, is he mocking me? "You're really good."

That embarrassed Cloud, and he looked down at his hands on his lap. It wasn't true either, anyone with knowledge of music would know.

He'd played now, would Zack leave? "I'm not…" He said quietly from beyond the locks of blond hair that now half obscured his face. "And I'm sorry about the other night again."

Zack seemed to wave him off. "Nah I didn't mind really, just I've never heard you play at night before."

Cloud nodded and looked over to the digital piano. "Head phones…" he explained.

Zack seemed to realise. "Ah… you know I was enjoying listening to it but then you just started hitting the keys. I wondered if something was wrong."

So his little break down had been that obvious? Cloud couldn't lift his gaze up. "I'm fine…" he lied, but didn't offer an explanation. He should have thanked Zack, his intervention had saved the block of walnut and strings. It was second hand but he was still paying it off.

Zack leaned his elbow on the piano to look around the room. There were book shelves packed with scores and theory books, but not much else in the modern hard wood floor apartment. "So what is it you do?"

He wasn't going to leave was he? "Piano teacher…" Cloud said.

Zack seemed impressed. "Hey that's cool, must be great doing something you love. I just work in an office, IT. Totally boring stuff."

Cloud didn't agree but said nothing. That didn't seem to deter Zack, and he got up to sit next to Cloud on the stool. The younger man's body tensed as he had to shuffle over to make room, and the side of his body was pressed against Zack's. "So come on Mr Piano Teacher, show me how to play something."

Was this guy serious? Oh god he was. Zack looked expectantly and placed one hand on the keys, and Cloud felt like he had but no choice. He reached over to move the sturdy fingers to the right position, the fingers felt softer than he expected.

Cloud moved his hand an octave down, and placed them in the same position. He pressed a key, and looked at Zack to follow. Another key, and then another, and then two together. Zack grinned as he recognised the tune. "Hey even I know this."

Cloud nodded, everyone did. "The flea waltz…" He said. Cloud showed the other man how to do the rest, and when he seemed to have the right hand piece down he told him. "Just keep playing like that." He brought his other hand up to play the left hand piece, and together they played the first 20 seconds, Cloud trying not to blush when he crossed his left hand over Zack's to play the higher notes.

It was passable, and Zack laughed when they stopped. "Hey you're a really good teacher if you can get even me to do that!"

Cloud looked away. "It's not that hard…" And it was only one hand…

Zack nodded in agreement, "I suppose not to someone as good as you, but to someone as tone deaf as me it's a miracle!" Cloud wanted to disagree, but airing one's failings with a stranger was hardly appropriate. Maybe Zack sensed this, because he continued. "Well now you definitely deserve dinner, I made meat balls if you want any."

Cloud shook his head. "No thank you…" He was uncomfortable being forced into conversation and such close proximity to another person, he'd never been social.

"Ah come on, it's my mother's recipe!" Zack persisted.

"I have to practice…" The blond haired man lied.

Zack nodded, seeming to understand. "Alright then, but any time it's just me. But hey maybe you can give me piano lessons, I'd pay of course."

Cloud didn't look so sure about that. "I'm not a good teacher…"

"Oh you can't be, you've got me playing already."

…the flea waltz? Everyone does that in junior high at least…

Zack stood finally from the stool, and put his hands on his hips. "But I'd like to hear you play again some time at least."

Cloud closed up the lid to the piano, "Sometime…" he said vaguely, hoping Zack would leave him to his misery.

"Deal. And there's always meatballs if you want them." Zack told him before strutting out the apartment. Cloud was wondering if he could sell his pianos before Zack came around again.

Cloud hadn't gone through with the idea of selling his pianos, but he didn't play much either. The deadline for the competition had gone already. With that out the way he didn't need to face the piano, it was the elephant in the room.

He'd seen his neighbour around now and again, and the other man tried to strike up conversation. He seemed oblivious to Cloud's shyness.

It was Sunday and his day off, and he sat with his lesson plans for the week. But the knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, it was him, no one else would be knocking.

Knowing better than thinking he could ignore it, he went to open the door. There was Zack again, "Hey Cloud, are you busy?"

Cloud considered lying, but what was the point. "No." He told him.

"Oh cool, I wondered if I could hang out, this Sunday is dragging." The darker haired man asked hopefully.

Cloud may be sullen but he wasn't mean. "If you want.." He said letting Zack in. The scores were tidied away on the book shelves now, but his lesson plans and reports were scattered over the rug by the sofa this time.

Zack saw them and hesitated past the threshold. "If now is a bad time…" He began, but Cloud shook his head.

"I've more or less finished anyway. Sit down if you want." He said going over to click the kettle on. "Tea, coffee?"

Zack went to the sofa and sat down, making himself at home. "Tea please. I've not heard you play recently. It seems a shame to use headphones when you got that piano over there…"

Rather he hadn't been playing at all. "Not felt like it." Cloud told him bringing their drinks over. There was no where else to sit other than the floor so he had to take a seat next to Zack.

"Ah shame, it was nice getting free concerts through the walls. I knew your days off were Sundays because I'd wake up and you'd be playing already. " Zack told him.

Cloud looked away guiltily, "Sorry…" That had been the month he'd been entertaining the idea of entering the competition.

"No that's not what I meant, I mean it was pretty sweet to lay there semi conscious and listen. My bed is right against that wall." He pointed to the one closest to the piano. "Excellent way to lay in on a Sunday morning."

Cloud felt embarrassed, and he distracted himself with his own cup of tea.

"You must enjoy it right, playing the piano right?" Zack asked.

"Must do…" Cloud said, he had dedicated his life to it after all. "What is your job like? IT you said…"

"Eh boring as hell, people call me up to say their computer isn't working. I ask have you tried turning it off and on? Nine times out of ten that works. The other time I get dragged up there and some idiot has got porn popping up every where. Or they've not turned the plug on at the mains. You really don't want to be dealing with that day in day out." Zack told him with a laugh. "I'd much rather I done something worth while, like you."

"It really isn't that good…" Cloud tried to explain. He finally looked back at Zack, wanting to explain how he was an utter failure, to spill all the frustration he'd been feeling for two years. Cloud was about to say something, but he was hesitant. "Shall I play?" He asked. He may be rubbish but if it was only Zack listening…

"Eh, you don't have to, I mean I didn't come around to pester you to perform." Zack tried to ease him.

"It's no problem…" Cloud told him, he was decided. It felt like a long time since anyone had enjoyed listening to him play. Somewhere inside him there was a small buzz of excitement that he could just maybe, maybe please someone with his playing. He left Zack on the sofa, and approached the grand. He sat, and quickly started playing. Fur Elise, it was coming off rather lightly and optimistic.

At some point Zack joined him on the piano stool, but Cloud didn't break in his play. He got to the complicated middle parts, and got drawn into playing a bit harder. If he had been listening critically he would have commented 'desperation', but he pulled back to the lighter melody. He got to the end notes, and looked beside him to Zack.

When his finger stopped on the last note, Zack finally said, "very cool." Cloud felt his face feel hot, and he looked down to hide his blush. The other man bent down to look under the hair and laughed gently. "Ha cute, you shouldn't be embarrassed."

"I'm not, it's an easy piece." Cloud said playing the opening melody with his right hand. "I use this for my student's first piece…" He played a few more difficult chords. "Add the middle bit, and it's an upper intermediate, grade 7." It was easier to concentrate in teacher mode, trying to forget the warm body touching his, the unfamiliar spicy aftershave.

Cloud started playing something a bit more jazzy. It sounded like he should be in a hotel bar taking requests.

But Zack didn't seem to mind. "How long have you been playing?"

"Mmm…since I was five." Cloud told him.

Zack whistled softly. "Musical prodigy hey."

That made Cloud slip up. "No. Nothing like that." The bitter taste of resentment came back, and he slowed his playing to a stand still.

Zack seemed to notice, and changed topics. "Dude your tea will be cold. I'll make you another." And the warm body beside him was gone.

Cloud started playing on Sunday mornings again.


	2. My Baby Don't Mean Maybe Now

Author: vulgar shudder

Warnings: yaoi, AU, super-uke Cloud, lime

Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)

Pairings: ZackxCloud

Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit.

Notes: A bit shorter than I'd usually like, but it seemed a natural place to leave it ;)

**Part 2 – My baby don't mean maybe now**

It became a regular occurrence for Zack to come over and slowly but surely he managed to coax Cloud out of his shell somewhat. He had even ventured into Zack's apartment, where he had a big screen HDTV. Like most men their age he liked DVDs and computer games, things which Cloud hadn't gotten around to. It was nice watching DVDs with Zack, but he relished the times Zack would knock when he was playing and would come in to listen. Sometimes beside him watching his hands move along the keys, sometimes relaxing on the sofa with his eyes closed.

It turned out Zack had just moved to the city for a new job, and had left friends and family behind; probably why he was looking for a new friend.

It had dawned on Cloud that he really wanted to…impress Zack. It left him with a warm feeling he had trouble pinning down. Cloud considered himself un-remarkable as a pianist, but if that's what it took to draw Zack over…

But today he was over at Zack's place, sharing the couch with him as they watched a movie together, a Bond film. The darker haired man had a beer, and he made comments through out. "Man death by thighs…" He supped on his beer. "I mean…woah."

Cloud nodded. Zack was so much more…masculine than her was. Physically and otherwise, it was difficult to believe that he'd shown such an interest in Cloud's music.

Zack made more comments about Bond girls, to which Cloud nodded to in feigned understanding. But the other man talking had stopped at some point, and when Cloud looked over to him he was asleep. They'd both had a long day, this was supposed to be a wind down before the weekend. Zack had obviously wound down enough to fall asleep sprawled over his side of the couch.

"Zack?" Cloud asked, but no response. He leaned over taking the glass bottle from Zack's grasp. "Zack?" he asked again, studying his face closely. The dark haired man was out for the night it seemed.

This should have been Cloud's cue to leave, but he hesitated. Zack's face was slack and peaceful in sleep, and the blond haired man reached out impulsively to touch his cheek with the back of his fingers.

He could feel the day's growth of stubble on his cheek, and smell the beer he's been drinking that night.

But Cloud realised what he was doing, and the way the proximity made his heart race. He pulled away as if burnt.

It couldn't possibly mean that could it? He'd never had a girlfriend, but he'd always assumed that was because he was busy with music. Sure, an embarrassing fact but he'd always assumed the 'right one' would come along, one day.

Was this why Zack's approval had become so important to him?

No, no way. He couldn't possibly like Zack in that way. Being so isolated over the years had just made him other think things, see things that weren't there. The warm feeling in his stomach was a natural reaction to the praise Zack liked to heap on.

God what are you thinking. You're just drunk, he told himself.

Cloud withdrew from the sofa, throwing what was left of the beer away and leaving the bottle with the others for recycling. Before he left he got a blanket from Zack's bed, He resisted the urge to take a deep breath of the heady scent that lingered on it before throwing it over his sleeping friend then left for his own apartment.

~*~

"You seem different." His student told him, as she picked about on the keys towards the end of their lesson.

"I do?" Cloud asked from his stool at the teacher's piano. This was out of the blue.

Tifa was one of his few adult students whom stuck with Cloud as a teacher. She had taken up piano again after a long break from child hood lessons. It was one of the students he suspected had 'ulterior motives'.

"Yeah, you close your eyes and listen more closely to what I'm playing, you seem to even enjoy it sometimes."

"I…" How did he come back to that without admitting he was completely disinterested in teaching.

Luckily, or maybe unluckily she didn't let him answer, "Got a girlfriend?"

"What?" Cloud asked in shock.

"You know, people get up beat when they're dating." Tifa told him.

"No, no I don't." Cloud told her but he was surely going bright red. He looked at the clock. "Time to finish for this week," He told her, closing up his files. "Practice that for next week." He wanted to get out of here ASAP.

"Really…" She didn't sound convinced, and maybe a little disappointed. Cloud had seemed impervious to her attempts to flirt over the year.

"Yes, really." Cloud told her quickly leaving her to pack up. He hurried out the practice room to find his next student.

~*~

It was another late night for Cloud, and he found himself reading through his teaching notes. Zack had returned late tonight after doing an upgrade to his company's server. He'd emailed Cloud to explain he'd be coming back home and passing out, so he wouldn't be around for any beers or TV.

Cloud felt disappointed, he'd gotten used to…hanging out. Zack had some how wormed his way into his life, ignoring the younger man's coldness at the start.

Zack would be home now, and sleeping, Cloud thought. He was sitting at his laptop, positioned closest to the wall he shared with Zack's apartment. He stared at the wall, as if mere will power alone would create a window.

You're so stupid, he told himself looking back down at the screen. But a noise from beyond the thin wall made him snap his head back up. What was that?

Curiosity got the better of him, and he slipped off the chair and crawled on his knees along the wall. He stopped listening for more sounds. There it was again. He realised this was the part of the wall Zack's bed was against, and he leaned against it with his ear.

The sound was clearer now, and it was a low…moan of some kind. He pulled back in surprise…it was a sexual sound.

His first thought that Zack had brought a girl home…and he was… He was shocked, Zack had said he didn't have a girlfriend, and didn't seem like the type to pick someone up casually.

Putting his ear back against the wall he listened again, he realised he'd been wrong about Zack being with a girl, but not about the nature of the sounds. It was definitely the moans of a single male voice.

Oh god, Zack was…

He was blushing profusely at the mental image. Well of course Zack would…you know…most people did.

He skittered away back wards from the wall, utterly ashamed that he'd be eaves dropping on something so personal…

But the image was stuck, and the more he tried to clear it, the more his imagination added details. Not just the moans now, but panted breaths, Zack touching himself with his back arched off the bed and…

To his horror, Cloud felt himself responding. He had a low libido, he rarely felt the need to satisfy himself…and now, of all times with Zack…

He tried to rationalise it…it had just been too long. Seeing the random cover of a porn magazine would have had the same effect.

Cloud laid back on the hard wood floor, his will power was not strong enough to halt the thoughts… Well, maybe the best way to end them, was to deal with the problem, he thought as his hand slid down to the zipper of his fly.

He tried to think of something else, but it always came back to those sounds, the throaty moans. Cloud bit his lip to prevent any betrayal of his own actions.

It was over disappointingly quickly. Sitting up he was more than a little disgusted with himself. He realised the other apartment was silent now.

You are the lowest form of human there is Cloud, he told himself. If even the thought of Zack……….you definitely need to buy some decent porn in future.

~*~

Cloud had managed to rationalise his reactions to…THAT night. It was something he'd tried his best to forget. There had been no repeat, it was a one off. It was getting late on a Friday night and he was playing in his apartment, maybe Zack would be around. The knock on the door answered his prayers, and he jumped up in his eagerness to answer it, tripping over the piano stool in the process. That might have something to do with the empty wine glass atop the walnut piano.

Zack was leaning against the door, still in his work suit but the tie and collar had been loosened. "Yo Cloud, you still playing?"

The blond haired man nodded, "Just playing around…" Oh he had definitely not been waiting had he.

"I had to do after work drinks…I brought back presents." Zack held up a bag clinking with bottles. He came in, shrugging off his wool coat and bag by the entrance. "Damn cold tonight." He told him, reaching for some beers.

They ended up at the piano, sharing the stool. Cloud sucked from the bottle, trying to calm his nerves. With his free hand Zack picked out the first chords of Fur Elise Cloud had taught them all that time ago.

"Roll your wrist more…it should be smoother and lighter than that…" Cloud told him, taking a hold of Zack's wrist guiding it in its movements.

Zack laughed, "I don't think you can give me a piano lesson while I'm in this state." He took his hand away from the keys, "I'll leave it to the expert, play something if you want."

Cloud gulped some more beer. "What do you want?"

Zack shrugged. "Something fun."

The pianist thought for a moment, and got up to his book shelves to retrieve a score. He opened it and put it on the piano.

It was an old Jazz tune, and after the first bars he started singing. A good singing voice he did not have, let alone a jazz one. But the words were half the fun.

"folk's here's the story 'bout Minnie the Moocher  
she was a red hot hoochie coocher  
she was the roughest, toughest frail  
but Minnie had a heart a big as a whale."

He threw a glance to Zack who looked definitely amused. He laughed when Cloud started the 'ho-di-ho-di-ho, hi-de-hi-de-hi' chorus.

Cloud stopped, amused with himself as well. "You know it's much better if you sing the chorus after me, it's what is known as a called response."

Zack sloppily saluted. "Will do." Cloud resumed playing.

"She messed around with a bloke named Smokey  
she loved him, though he was coke-y  
he took her down to Chinatown  
and he showed her how to kick the gong around"

He looked at Zack giving his cue. "Hey-di-hey-di-hey."

"Hey-di-hey-di-hey." Zack repeated.

"Oi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi."

"Oi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi….yo?" Neither of them could keep a straight face and burst out into laughter. Cloud tried to carry on with the song.

"She had a dream about the King of Sweden  
he gave her things that she was needin'  
gave her a home built of gold and steel  
a diamond car, with the platinum wheels."

"I don't think I can do the fast hi-di-his." Cloud admitted to Zack as he played through it.

"I was just thinking the King of Sweden had some awesome bling."

Cloud laughed, he couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled like this. Zack was smiling back when suddenly his face fell. Cloud's own followed suit as he played on, wondering in horror if he'd done something wrong.

"You should smile more, you're so damn cute when you do." Zack told him.

"Huh?" Cloud asked in shock and confusion, Minnie the moocher being played on autopilot.

But the playing stopped, and the last chords rang out through the room when Zack pulled him closer and took his lips in a kiss. Cloud felt dizzy from the sensations, the heat from Zack's body, the taste of beer and cigarettes, the faint smell of the bar Zack had come from and his aftershave.

Cloud soon closed his eyes and responded, feeling more drunk from the kiss than the wine and beer.

Zack's arms were around his waist, and the blond's smaller body was easily pulled so he was now straddling his lap. Their kisses deepened, with Cloud's nimble fingers coming up to cup the dark haired man's face.

Zack kissed him earnestly, pushing forward with his eagerness. That caused Cloud's lower back to hit the keyboard, and random notes created startled them both to pull away.

The older man looked up at Cloud, his hands coming up to take a hold of his wrists. "I'm sorry…" he began, dragging the other man's hands from his face.

Cloud's brows drew together in confusion. "What?"

"I'm…drunk. So are you. I didn't mean for this to happen." Zack apologized trying to gently push Cloud off.

The other man wasn't sure how to respond, he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Disappointment? Anger? Embarrassment? Relief?

"Like I know you're depressed and stuff, I'd just be taking advantage of you…" Zack tried to explain, but he had no way of knowing just how hard Cloud had taken those words.

Depressed? Was Zack just doing this because he felt sorry for him? Cloud thought, quickly becoming numb. He slipped slowly onto the floor, feeling utterly powerless.

Zack extracted himself from under Cloud, placing his hands on the piano stool. "Hey I'm really sorry…" He said again, and seemed hesitant. But there was a sigh, and he left Cloud leaning on the stool. The blond man listened to the foot steps over the hard floors, the shuffle of a bag and coat, and the door closing.

The room was left in complete silence. Cloud's chest was tight, he had concentrate on his breathing. Devastated might be the word, or crushed. He could hear movements from next door, and he had to block them out someway.

Pulling himself up to sit on the stool, he flicked through some of the pages of the score, stopping on an old rag time number. He started playing the merry tune, a juxtaposition to his own feelings.

He started singing the lyrics, "When the preacher questions me, I say yes sir yes sir-ee, because my baby don't mean maybe now…"

_To be continued._

Pieces mentioned:

Minnie the Moocher – Cab Calloway

Because my baby don't mean maybe now – Words and Song by Donaldson, Recorded by Ruth Etting


	3. Performance Anxiety

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, super-uke/emo Cloud, lime_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 3 – Performance Anxiety**

It had been a difficult fortnight. Zack had been avoiding him, and Cloud hadn't gotten the courage to seek him out. It was an uneasy stale mate, and Cloud wallowed in his misery.

He was angry with Zack for taking pity on him, for assuming things, for not following through with that kiss, and now dumping him. Returning back to a life without him had proved unbearable, the emptiness not as easy to accept as it had before.

He was laying on his couch, arm flung over his eyes. But the sound of laughter from beyond the front door caught his attention, it was Zack.

The young man couldn't take it anymore, and got up to go to the door. What he wanted to say to Zack he was unsure. Maybe get angry, or maybe beg him to talk to him.

He opened his front door, but he was stopped in his tracks at the threshold, peeking around the corner.

Zack was indeed at his front door looking for his keys, but there was someone else with him. A girl, small, pretty, long curled brown hair. She laughed at whatever Zack had been saying. Her back was to Cloud so she couldn't see him. But Zack was facing him, and his smile fell for a second as he locked eyes with Cloud staring at him. But his mask was swiftly back up as he put the key into the lock. He was obviously trying to ignore Cloud as he invited the girl in, her laughter ringing like tiny silver bells.

And they were gone, Cloud watched where they had been just moments before. He closed his front door and leaned back on it. He felt hurt, a literal stabbing pain in his chest.

Knowing what little else to do, he went to his book shelves and looked for a score and pulled out Le Carnaval des Animaux by Camille Saint-Saëns. He opened it at the page he was looking for and started playing The Aquarium. His fingers flitted up and down the keyboard. It was probably a childish thing to do, knowing Zack was right there, with company. Was he just trying to disturb him, or get his attention? Or did he just know of no other way to deal with his emotions?

It was supposed to be light and frivolous piece, like watching fish glide aimlessly around the aquarium. So much so Saint-Saëns had suppressed it's performance during his life time, concerned that it would damage his reputation as a serious composer. Cloud wondered if Saint-Saëns would approve of his interpretation, with the force he was pressing the keys it was coming off much louder and harder, like one was drowning and falling deeper into dark water, someone who was utterly lost.

He couldn't remember the piece from heart, he had to reach up to turn the pages. It was a piece he often played with children, he had loved it himself as a child but he hadn't sat down and played the whole thing in a long time. But after a few run throughs he remembered it enough to close his eyes and play, looping around the piece obsessively.

Cloud wasn't sure how long he repeated the piece before there was a knocking on the door. Was it Zack? Or someone else complaining? He continued playing hoping they'd get the message.

In his haste to run earlier he hadn't locked the door, and he heard it open. Cloud daren't look behind him, instead eyes fixed on the keys in front of him.

"Cloud…" A voice said, it was Zack.

The pianist ignored him, as if the music was a sufficient barrier between them.

Again Zack said, "Cloud.." he was much closer now, and he put his hand on Cloud's shoulder.

Cloud violently slapped the hand away and continued to play. He didn't have the stamina of a concert pianist anymore, he was sweating and getting tired.

Strong arms came around his chest, pinning him still. Cloud's heart was racing, not helped when he felt Zack's chin on his shoulder. "Please…" Zack pleaded into his ear. "That sounds so sad."

A strangled sound escaped Cloud's throat, and he daren't speak unless what little strength he had crumbled.

They stayed like that for a while, Zack pressed up against the blond man's back as he held him. Cloud didn't know what to say, and neither did the other man it seemed.

"Isn't she waiting?"

"No…she's gone home." Zack sighed, the warm breath tickling Cloud's neck.

Cloud swallowed. "Who is she?"

There was a silence, before Zack answered. "My date. A woman from work."

A fresh stab in Cloud's chest, and he wanted to move away but Zack held him still. Zack tried to explain himself, "I thought dating someone would help me stop thinking about you, and show you I wasn't into you like that…but when I saw your face…"

"Don't be here if you just feel sorry for me." Cloud told him finally wrenching himself from Zack's grasp. He stood the stool sliding noisily beneath him, and he moved away to the window that over looked the city landscape. Neon lights and cars illuminated the streets below the high rise apartment building. He watched them, still unable to look at Zack.

The other man came up beside him, and sighed again. "It's not that…you just seem fragile. Yeah you seemed like you needed a friend, so did I in fact, but I pushed it too far.."

"Don't flatter yourself." Cloud cut him off. "You don't know anything, I'm fine, really."

"Oh are you?" Zack pulled Cloud to face him.

There was a look of defiance on the younger man's face. "Yes I am. But you messed me around."

Zack looked away in shame. "I know, which is why I shouldn't have started it."

"No, you should have finished what you started." Cloud told him closing the gap between them.

Zack looked uncertain, "What do you want, a friend or… a friend with benefits?"

Cloud pressing his lips against the other man's was his answer, and this time Zack did not pull back. Something deep inside him wanted this, wanted Zack. Being with him was the only way to escape the loneliness that ate him up inside.

~*~

Cloud awoke the next morning, with the alien feeling of a warm body next to his. Zack looked peaceful as he slept, and the younger man tried not to disturb him as he got out from the covers. He was searching for his jeans in the pile of clothes that had been hastily stripped the night before. But a hand was placed on the lower of his back making him stop.

"Going somewhere?" Zack asked.

"Just making coffee…" Cloud said. What was the procedure for the morning after sleeping with a man?

"Then stay for a bit more…" Zack told him pulling him back into the bed. Cloud was pressed against the other man's body, held there by Zack's toned arm. This was all a bit strange, he was tense to say the least.

Zack seemed to sense it, and asked, "So do you regret it?"

Last night he'd had jealousy and bitterness driving him on, the cold harsh light of the morning made everything fuzzy and uncertain again. But the way Zack's fingers played with the hair at his nape, the solid feeling of his body next to his, he was relaxing a bit. "No, I don't …" he decided.

"Good." Zack said pulling his face up for a morning kiss. It was gentler than the desperate kisses of last night, but no less meaningful. He let go of Cloud, and pulled him tight against his chest again, he seemed unwilling to let this moment pass.

Another long stretch passed, and it was Cloud who broke the silence. "I'm not depressed, I know that's what you think but that's not the case."

"Oh?" Zack didn't sound convinced.

"I'm a bit of a loner, but I have my reasons." Cloud told him.

"You looked in a bad way that first night, you looked so young and…I was worried, I couldn't sleep after I spoke with you." Zack admitted.

"That was nothing. I mean you just got me at a bad time, that's done with."

"You'll talk to me in the future though won't you?" Zack asked.

"There won't be, but if it makes you feel better sure."

Zack knew that was the best he would get from Cloud. He wanted to forget his doubts about this relationship they'd embarked on. "It's Sunday, lets not get dressed and stay in bed all day."

"No piano?"

"…only if you play it naked."

"…That's gross Zack, I will never play the piano naked."

"You say that now…"

"Never Zack."

The older man laughed, rolling himself over so Cloud was pinned beneath him. "So it's piano or you?"

"Piano or naked me, those two things will never, ever co-exist." Cloud told him firmly.

"You're making me choose between two things of beauty…" Zack said him as he planted light ticklish kisses down Cloud's neck.

The blond man only managed a breathy response. No piano was played that day.

~*~

It was the end of his last lesson of the day, and it was Tifa. Cloud had just finished telling her the homework when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It would be Zack, he was the only person who emailed him.

He turned his back to her, and snuck the phone out of his pocket to read the message. Zack was ordering take away tonight. It had only been a week since they had…gotten together? If that's what you'd call it. But it had been pretty exciting, full of new emotions and physical explorations.

Cloud snapped his slim black phone shut, and pocketed it to gather his folder.

Tifa was still at the piano, and seemed in no hurry to leave. "So made up with her then?"

"What?"

"The girlfriend. Last week you barely lifted your eyes off the floor, and this week you're all nodding and can't wait to get out the door. PLUS you've NEVER had an email before."

Cloud clung the plastic folder to his chest defensively. Tifa was between him and the door, and he was calculating his escape route. She was so damn nosey. "It was spam."

"Oh it's cute, I mean Teacher Cloud has got a girlfriend." She said with more than a little bitterness. "Are you bringing her to the event next week?"

Event? Oh god he'd forgotten about that. Every 6 months they held an open evening for people to visit the school, talk to teachers etc. But by the evening it turned into a little get together for students, to socialize and perform pieces for each other. As a teacher there was no way to get out of it, especially as he was one of highest accredited teachers at the school. He always dreaded it, first it was the managers parading him about in front of pushy parents, boasting his 'elite' musical degree as if that had anything to do with the quality of his teaching. Then it was the chit chat of the informal gathering, which he always ended up nursing a plastic cup of orange juice in the corner.

Cloud realized he had been lost in thought with Tifa staring at him waiting for an answer. "Uh no."

"So you DO have a girlfriend!" Tifa cried out triumphantly.

"No, that's…"

"Too late Mr Cloud! Make sure she comes next week alright." Tifa hastily shoved her score book into her bag, and gave him a wink. Before he could protest or give her a ton of scale drills for extra home work she was out the door. She could move damn quickly when she wanted too.

He sighed, and went to the staff room to grab his bag from the locker. He was passing the front desk on the way out where the manager of the school was finishing up for the night. "Oh Cloud."

He stopped in his tracks and turned back to face her.

"Tifa said you were going to do a recital next week at the event?"

"She did?" News to him.

"Yeah and I think it's a great idea. Like I'm sure the parents will be wowed by you." His manager was obviously thinking impressed parents = $$$.

"Uh I…" Cloud began, hoping there was still some way to get out of this.

"Also everyone would love to hear you perform something too."

Tifa you bitch.

~*~

It should have been a cozy night with take away and Zack, but that had been spoilt by the news of his upcoming recital. Cloud was caught somewhere between fuming and panic, and he went back directly to his apartment instead of Zack's.

He was throwing his coat and bag off when Zack came in through the door. "What are you doing in here, you made me carry this very heavy pizza box in here you ass." The older man joked but when he saw Cloud's face his expression turned serious in concern. "What's wrong?"

"I've got to play something in front of people at school, for this stupid event thing next week." Cloud said obviously not happy.

"Um, what's so bad about that?" Zack asked setting the box down on the coffee table.

"It's just…terrible! And I can't get out of it now." Cloud told him. Of course Zack wouldn't understand.

"You play for me all the time, it's not like you don't have something memorized." Zack reasoned starting to attack the pizza slices.

"That's different…" Cloud huffed as he sat down on the couch next to Zack.

"You can play in your sleep, you can walk it. And no choice now right?"

Zack's rationality and calmness was infuriating to say the least. "No there isn't."

"What day is it?" Zack asked picking pepperoni off the pizza slice.

"Saturday." Cloud said sullenly.

"Cool. My day off, I'll come."

"What? No you can't, I mean…" Cloud hadn't told Zack about Tifa and her 'mis-understanding'.

"You can pretend it's me you're playing for." Zack said with a seductive smirk.

Truthfully since he'd met Zack he'd always been playing for him. Cloud sighed, he really had no choice in any of this did he. "I'll play twinkle twinkle little star, that would show you all."

~*~

The music event was in full swing, and Cloud was stressed to say the least. It was noisy kids with parents tagging around, listening to a bunch of recitals. Having to look embarrassed whenever one of his students messed up.

And his big performance was coming up, some parents still milled, the adult students chatting with each other, and Tifa kept bugging him about his supposed girlfriend.

Cloud looked at his watch, anxious to get it over with. He jumped though when he felt a hushed breath against his ear. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Zack?" The blond man turned around quickly, wondering how long the other man had been standing behind him.

Zack seemed to study Cloud's face before taking his elbow. "Show me somewhere private."

Cloud was only too happy to be whisked away, and he went to one of the empty practice rooms. The sound proof door closed behind them, and Zack said, "I just wanted to tell you, relax alright."

Easier said than done. Cloud hung his head in defeat, wishing there was a way to escape this. The older man lifted his chin up and told him, "Just enjoy yourself…you're good, well I think you are."

Before Cloud could respond, the door opened and they instantly jumped away. Of all people it was Tifa, and she looked between them suspiciously.

"They're asking for you Cloud…" She said eyeing up Zack.

There wasn't even time to give a Zack a forlorn look as he passed to make his way to the larger practice room. It was like a death sentence. Most of the people were already waiting in the chairs, and the Manager was at the front to introduce him. "Ah it's finally time for one of our most talented teacher's, Cloud Strife. He will be playing Mozart's Piano concerto no. 8 in A minor, first movement."

He took his seat and gave the audience one final glance. He saw Zack at the back, looking more confident than he felt.

Swallowing he looked at the keys, and dove into playing before he could think any more. He played the piece at a furious tempo, while it was certainly exciting and explosive, traditionalists would be aghast that he'd play Mozart like this. It was his passive- aggressive rebellion at being made to do this, at this pace and skipping the repeats, it'd be over in less than 4 minites. He'd practiced and timed himself. He was practically banging the left hand cords, barely able to keep up.

He finished in record time, and stood to the polite applause. Unable to make eye contact with anyone, he silently left the room forgoing any bow. As soon as he was out of the room he bolted for the exit, his duty was fulfilled. The cold night air hit his face like a slap, and he felt dizzy. The anxiety had gotten to him, and he supported himself against the wall trying to catch his breath.

Cloud was aware of his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he couldn't answer it. He had to stay like that, and eventually someone put their hand on his back. "Cloud, you ok?" It was Zack, and the shorter man straightened to face him.

"That went better pretty well considering."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you…"

Cloud shook his head, "I just want to go home now."

"You don't even have your coat…" Zack told him.

Cloud sighed. "The staff room next to that practice room we were in, my coat and bag are in the locker. Can you get them for me?"

Zack nodded and went back into the school. He found the staff room, and was looking for the right locker when he heard someone come in behind him. He turned and saw it was the woman from before. "Oh sorry, I'm just getting Cloud's stuff, he doesn't feel so well…"

She looked him over critically, folding her arms over her large chest. "And just who are you?"

Wondering whether this was building to an accusation of theft Zack tried to smile disarmingly. "I'm his neighbor." No lie there.

"Neighbor?" Tifa said surprised, but she wasn't going to let up there. "Why'd you come? Cloud's been my teacher here for nearly two years and he's never been the type to have friends…"

Ok this was enough. Zack pulled out the coat and bag, "Guess he likes to keep his professional and personal life separate. I need to go Cloud's waiting for his coat."

He was about to pass when she stopped him with a hand on his arm. "But he let you come and see him play…"

"Just some moral support. Good night." Zack smiled politely and pulled away from her grip and questions. Tifa was left in the staff room feeling flummoxed and more than a little jealous.

~*~

The journey home was done in silence until they came to the corridor outside their apartments. Cloud said nothing opening the lock of his door, and was about to go in when he looked up at Zack leaning against the wall.

"Is it ok to come in?" The dark haired man asked. Cloud must have had a face like thunder for Zack to ask so sheepishly.

The blond man shrugged, and went in. It was up to Zack to follow if he wanted. He stripped off his outer clothes, and took off the tie as he made his way directly to the bed. Still wearing his clothes he laid on it, curled up facing the wall. He was a bit upset and sulky with the entire night.

Cloud listened to footsteps across the floor, and the other man slid behind him. Zack's fingers came up to stroke his bicep. "It was that bad was it?" he asked.

"I don't like playing in front of people." Cloud responded to the voice behind him.

"How about me?"

Cloud thought for a bit before answering, "That's different…"

The fingers on his bicep stopped their motion and pressed firmly to roll Cloud on his back. The other man's leg tangled in Cloud's to keep him there, and he stroked the side of his face. "How about I try to make you feel better?"

Before Cloud even had a chance to give a sulky reply, Zack pressed his lips to his gently. The younger man didn't pull away though, and the slow sensual kiss deepened. Zack caught Cloud's wrists, and pulled his hands up to pin them above Cloud's head.

Zach started kissing his neck, and before his mind was lost on the pleasures of the flesh he breathed out, "There's a spare key in the dish on the desk…"

"Oh?" Zack asked, drawing back to look at Cloud's face. He raised an eyebrow waiting for Cloud to continue.

The blond man opened his eyes to look up at his lover. "Take it with you…I mean, I'm fed up of letting you in all the time." It sounded a bit lame now he had said it.

Zack chuckled softly, and resumed his kissing of the man pinned under him, the kisses slowly turning into playful bites.

It was hard to define their relationship, sure they'd become physical with each other but it wasn't like they were 'going out'. More just an extension to their friendship; close friends, very close. Cloud was too frightened of ruining what they had to ask for more.

~*~

The trauma of his mini performance still fresh in his mind, Cloud mechanically got through the next work week. His students who had seen him play praised him, undeservedly he thought.

And now it was Tifa, who was barely listening to him. The lesson was a write off.

He sat with his head resting on his hand, waiting for her to finish the piece. She hadn't practiced, again.

Suddenly she stopped and turned to him, he barely noticed the music had stopped. His eyes looked up at her, and she was staring at him.

"Are you gay?" She asked.

That made him straighten up in alarm. "What?"

"That guy I saw you with, your neighbor he said." Tifa looked at him, demanding an answer.

"Yes my neighbor…" Cloud tried to diffuse, but Tifa's curiosity was like a dog with a bone.

"If you're gay, that makes sense…" She pushed back a strand of hair from her face. "If not you'd go on a date with me."

Cloud was stunned to say the least. "That is impossible…"

Tifa shook her head, "A normal straight guy would date you know…but if you're gay then…"

There was a tense moment as what was unsaid passed between them. "What are you insinuating?"

"Oh nothing, nothing at all…" Tifa said in forced innocence. "But you know, a gay guy teaching kids is a bit…people have a right to know." This was revenge for being coldly ignored for the past year, seeing the two men so intimate had been a slap in the face.

Cloud stood and slammed his file closed. "I'm done with this lesson. And any lesson for that matter. You can change teachers, spread lies if you want, get me fired but that won't change the fact that I am not interested."

He left her in the practice room and picked up his stuff to leave. It was his last lesson, and he didn't offer an explanation to the manager on his way out.

Tifa could explain, and at this point he didn't care if he lost his job. Working in a convenience store would be a better option at this point.

_To Be Continued._

_Pieces mentioned:_

_Le Carnaval des Animaux: __The Aquarium – __Camille Saint-Saëns_

_Piano Sonata No. 8 in A Minor (K 310) – Mozart (Glen Gould recording)_


	4. Fantasie Impromptu

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, super-uke/emo Cloud_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 4 – Fantasie Impromptu**

Cloud was fidgeting back stage of the concert hall, jostling for space at the lit mirrors to check his bow tie for the billionth time. Everyone else was just as nervous as he was, looking through their score sheets in last minute preparation, the women pinning their gowns, the men adjusting their tuxedos.

The air stunk of hair spray, and the hum of chatter filled the dressing rooms. This was the final round of the competition, the stakes were high and everyone was pushed to breaking point. Some tried to calm themselves in the corner quietly, others tried to distract themselves reading the program.

Cloud went back to his bag, and pulled his score sheet out of it. He felt he had learnt it best he could, but going through it again wouldn't hurt. They had already started calling in entrants, and the sounds of flawless piano playing flittered in dimly from the far away stage. His number was early, it wouldn't be long.

He found an empty chair at a table, and opened it to the first page of his piece. He read through the bar music, his hands hitting the keys in the air as he played it through in his head.

He got to the final page, when a horrified shriek broke him from his trance. Everyone was looking around, someone had spilt a bottle of water on some woman's very expensive dress. It was obviously the last straw and she was throwing a fit, demanding to know which dip shit had left an open bottle on the edge of the table.

Everyone continued to watch the drama queen when a back stage person with an ear piece popped their head into the room.

"Entrant number 5, please get ready for standby." That was him, and he hastily shoved his score back into his bag. He gave himself one last glance in the mirror over people's shoulders, pushing back his hair.

"Number 5 PLEASE stand by!" The stage hand was getting impatient, the current entrance's piece was winding down and Cloud needed to be in the wings ready.

"Sorry…" He apologized brushing past, and made his way through the back stage maze and up the stairs to the stage.

Another back stage hand waved him over listening to his ear piece and checking a clip board list. They waiting behind the curtains, and could see the current person on stage. They were very good, this was a tough competition.

Of course it was, because one of the judges was from a very famous French conservatory, and everyone was hoping to catch his attention. The possibility of studying there would be the opportunity of a life time for any concert pianist.

Clapping signaled the end of the current piece and the contestant took their bow, and walked off stage towards them, a happy smiling face of relief.

Her dress brushed against him, and Cloud heard the loud speakers announcing him name. It was his turn to go on stage, and he bravely stepped out into the hot lights. His dress shoes clicked over the light floors, and he done the worst thing possible, he glanced over the audience. He could see the row of judges, and a few rows behind them he saw unmistakable silver hair, and green eyes fixed right back onto him.

Cloud tore his eyes away to sit at the piano, pulling the stool in to be comfortable. He sat with his hands on his lap for a moment; the hall was so silent you could hear a pin drop. He closed his eyes to focus, and raised his hands to start playing.

His teacher had decided on Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu in C-sharp major, and he'd practiced it to technical perfection. He played it out as he had done a million times, concentrating on hitting every note perfectly. Focus, focus, focus.

Cloud was a few minutes in, all what he had practiced in the dressing room. But he came to the part where he had been interrupted. Instead of the notes in his head, all he heard was her scream, and his hands stopped hovering above the keys. As the seconds ticked on, each one drawn out to a life time it got worse, he couldn't recall anything. No music, the keys just sat silently in front of him. He couldn't even remember the last few bars to end with, there was nothing in his head. This was every pianist's worst nightmare.

Cloud looked up to his side, and saw the judges again, their faces neutral or scribbling something on their notes. Sitting just behind them, he locked with green narrow eyes, which were not pleased.

He looked back at the keys. How long had he been sitting here? It could have been hours. It was too late, there was nothing he could do. So he stood and walked off in stage in silence, no bow, no clapping for him.

The over head speakers had already started announcing the next entrant, whom was waiting already behind the curtains. Cloud caught a look of pity from him and the back stage staff, and his pace quickened to a run down the stairs to the dressing rooms.

Those who had been paying attention to the playing upstairs stared at him, while others were too busy with their make up or clothes to have noticed his fuck up.

He couldn't look at anyone as he grabbed his bag and clothes, and left as he was in his tuxedo. Walking out of the hall in it was nothing compared to the humiliation he'd just suffered.

He came out of the back stage entrance into the early spring air. It was a chilly day, but it done nothing to alleviate his burning face. He crouched down and started to sob, how had this happened, what did he do now.

Again he had no concept of time, when he saw shiny shoes in front of him. He knew who they belong to.

"Get up." A low voice said.

His bag and things left in a pile at his feet, Cloud straightened slowly under the glare of his teacher, the legendary Sepiroth. He daren't meet his eyes, he just kept his eyes down with tears still running down his face.

But Sepiroth was not going to give him that option, and grabbed his chin to force his face up at him. "You have ruined my reputation and wasted 3 years of my time." He said in unrestrained contempt.

Cloud couldn't respond to that, it was true. But hearing his teacher saying that hurt, it hurt much deeper than just professional pride. Sepiroth hissed in disgust letting go of Cloud, turning to leave. The billowing long black coat was the last time he saw him.

He had been dumped, rightly so, by the man he respected and admired the most.

Cloud woke with a start, it was that dream again. He was sweaty, and breathing hard as he always was waking from that reoccurring nightmare. His mind forced him to relive that day regularly, lest he forget why he was a failure.

He wiped his hair off his forehead, no doubt this time it had been triggered by his dealings with Tifa. She hadn't changed teachers after all, instead had said she'd be going on break for some time. It seemed his job was safe in the mean time, but she was obviously planning to come back at some point. When, and anything else she had planned, he didn't know.

Cloud laid back into his empty bed, Fantasie Impromptu running through his mind. He hadn't played Chopin since that competition.

~*~

Zack came around clutching an ivory colored envelope. "Yo Cloud I picked up your mail." He studied the watermark, "It's from the Royal Philharmonic School of Music."

Cloud was sitting on the floor reorganizing his score books, a mindless task to focus on. "Bin it." He called, flicking through a leaf of books.

Zack came up and sat next to him, still holding the envelope. "You sure? It's got a hand written address." He flipped it over. "And a sender name…" He squinted to read the loopy copper plate hand writing. "V. Valentine."

"I know what it says, it's just an old teacher of mine. The guy's such an old fuddy he doesn't know how to use email." Cloud plucked the letter from in between Zack's fingers and chucked the letter into the waste paper bin.

"Wait…you went to the Royal Philharmonic School of Music?" Zack asked in shock. "That's like, the best music school in the country; even I know it…people who go there become concert pianists and stuff."

Cloud snorted, shoving a load of books back into the book shelf to clear space. "Hardly, only the best. And I only got a passing grade." He leaned back surveying his book shelves, decoration all of them. "You got a cigarette?"

"You don't smoke."

"I do now."

Zack sighed and pulled out his cigarette box and lighter to pass to Cloud. He pulled one out of the packet, and lit it taking a deep inhale. The smoke was harsh on his throat and he coughed like a high school kid smoking around the back of the school.

Zack reached for the cigarette and silently plucked it from Cloud's fingers, leaning back on his elbows to finish the cigarette himself.

Well that hadn't worked to distract him, so he crawled over to Zack straddling his waist. He ran his hands over the wrinkled work shirt, feeling the had body underneath there. He leaned down to nuzzle and kiss the other man's neck.

"You're bold today. What's wrong?" Zack asked taking another drag on his cigarette before dropping the end into a make shift ash tray.

Cloud froze in his actions, "What makes you say that?"

"You're usually shy to make the first move, like believe me I'm turned on with you doing this but you're obviously trying to distract yourself."

The blond man shrugged against Zack's body, "I could lose my job..."

Zack pushed him up to look at him, "What? What happened?"

Cloud looked uncertain, not sure he wanted to tell Zack what happened. "I had a…disagreement with a student…things may snow ball from that…" Cloud didn't want to elaborate on the whole ridiculous accusation. The dark haired man looked as if he was about to question more when Cloud beat him to it, "But I don't mind. I don't enjoy it, might just find something else…temping or something."

Zack sighed and pulled the smaller man against his chest. "Don't be so hasty…working in an office is boring, I should know…" He threaded his fingers through Cloud's hair, "Which is it you hate? Piano or teaching?"

"I don't hate either, but…" Cloud struggled for the words, "It's complicated."

"Just think about it won't you."

~*~

When he got back from a tense day at work though, instead of Zack there was someone he hadn't been expecting waiting outside his door. Not in a million years.

He was tall, with long black hair. He belonged in another century.

Cloud approached his door. "Mr. Valentine…" he said, holding onto the bag strap across his chest tight.

Vincent Valentine had had his eyes closed as he leaned against the door, and he opened them when Cloud had announced himself.

"Ah Cloud, since you've been ignoring my letters I thought I needed a more direct approach." He said coolly.

Cloud looked away uneasily, reaching for his keys. "It wouldn't have been a satisfactory reply anyway." He told him unlocking his door and entering his room.

Vincent followed un invited, surveying the apartment and his eyes finally resting on the piano. "So do you still play, or is that just an ornament?" He took a seat on the couch, and motioned his eyes for Cloud to sit opposite me.

Cloud reluctantly sat down, crossing his arms over his chest. "I play sometimes..."

Valentine's lips drew into a hard line in dissatisfaction. "Why didn't you enter the last competition? You said you would."

The blond man shrugged, hiding behind his hair. "I wasn't good enough."

"I very much doubt that." Vincent told him. "But anyway, there's another one coming up, it would be a very good opportunity."

"I'm not entering any more competitions." Cloud told him firmly.

"Because of what happened? Don't let that ruin your career…"

"I don't have a career, not as a pianist anyway…I didn't make the grade." Cloud said.

"That wasn't because of a lack of ability. What are you doing now anyway?" The older man asked.

Cloud had started to pull at his jumper cuff, twisting it nervously. "Piano teacher…at a school."

Vincent raised an eyebrow, "Not even privately? You'd be getting twice as much with your experience."

"I don't care. It's just a job, I clock in and I clock out."

Vincent didn't look like he approved. "Don't waste your talent."

Cloud smiled bitterly. "You aren't known as the teacher of the drop outs for nothing…"

Vincent gave him a cold stare. "Yes and that's why I know promise when I see it. If you were to try this competition…"

Cloud's eyes flicked up from the floor. "You don't get it do you. I am not entering any more competitions." A lot of pent up emotions from years past was building inside him, threatening to over flow at any moment. "You're just like him, only concerned about making a name for yourself through a prodigy."

Vincent's expression remained neutral, "Do not compare me to Sepiroth."

"It's true. You're lumbered with all the dregs, and my completely unfounded earlier reputation has made you think I have any talent. Well I'll tell you, I don't have any, and I've proved it!" Cloud's anger was bubbling away now, "In fact I bet this is just to get back at Sepiroth, turn the student he dumped into success!"

Vincent stood abruptly, "I can see you won't listen." He reached inside his long coat and pulled up a rolled up papers from in there, and threw them down on the coffee table. "Details of the competition."

Cloud ignored them silently, and Vincent let himself out. When he head the door slam, he felt his eye's prick hot with tears. It took all his will power to not let them fall, to not betray his weakness. He needed to get angry, but if he moved he'd only do something drastic, like destroy the piano.

He heard the door open again, and he said tensely. "We don't have anything more to say…"

"We don't?? What I do??" Said a confused voice, not Vincent's deep monotone. Cloud looked around and it was Zack, looking rather confused.

"No, not you, I thought it was someone else." Cloud said turning back around lest Zack see the rather glassy state of his eyes.

"Was it that tall dude I saw coming out of here?" Zack asked his voice a bit closer now.

The blond man daren't raise his eyes off the floor. "It's no-one."

"Huuuh…" Disbelief in Zack's voice. "Who was he? An ex?"

"What? No!" Cloud put his hand onto his forehead to hide behind. "Just an old piano teacher, well one of them…"

Zack had come to sit on the arm of the chair, his arm resting on the back behind Cloud. "The Valentine guy?" It was met with silence, and Zack leaned in a bit closer. "Come on, talk to me....what did he want?" He said reaching across to turn the other man's face up to him.

Cloud looked anywhere but at Zack. "A competition…he's desperate enough to want me to enter."

Mercifully Zack let go of his face, allowing his gaze to fall downward. "I'm no expert on music…but I wish you wouldn't put yourself down like that."

"You don't get it…" Cloud said slowly, burying his head in his hands.

Zack let go of a sigh, moving his head side to side to stretch his neck. "Because you haven't told me…" Zack may be one of the most laid back guys in the world, but it seemed even he had limits.

"Fine, I'll tell you." Cloud ran his fingers through his hair, leaning back a bit. "Yes I went to The Royal Philharmonic School of Music, yeah it was a big deal, I worked hard to get there, I'm from the middle of no-where. First year I'm picked up by this teacher, Sepiroth. This guy is a legend, was a concert pianist, but retired to teach and work on recordings. To be noticed by him is a big deal…" Cloud looked at Zack finally, he was patiently listening. "But his lessons were…demanding. He was militant about technique."

The blond man laughed bitterly, "He'd shout, 'this is easy, why are you screwing up??', 'this is awful', 'Are you really this stupid?'… But Sepiroth was the best, and he demanded the best. I lived and breathed piano for years trying to please him…then 4th year he nominated me for a competition, quite a famous one."

Cloud shook his head, "You can see where this is going right? Day of the completion, I get up there and about two thirds in I choke. I go blank, and I can't finish it. That is the day my career as a pianist ended. Sepiroth was furious, I was dropped by him and the only person who'd take me was Vincent Valentine, because he teaches all the drop outs. I never got back what I was, and just scraped through with a pass. So I think you can see now why I do not like performing."

There, Cloud had finished his confession, and he looked up at Zack sitting on the arm rest still. The other man seemed to be thinking, mulling through the situation. "So...that's why you gave up? One bad competition?"

Oh he knew this would happen, "You don't understand." Cloud said turning away.

"No I don't, but even I can see you really are wasting your talent if it's over that…"

"This is not a matter of giving up. I reached my limit, and I realized I do not have what it takes, hell the whole hall realized."

"Then why keep playing still?" Zack asked.

Cloud shrugged his shoulders, "What else can I do…and it's fun, some times…" When he played for Zack, and could see the enjoyment it brought to him.

Zack nodded, and slid down onto the chair making Cloud squeeze up. His arm came to rest around the smaller man's shoulders. "I'm hardly one to judge you all right, it's up to you what you do." He pushed back some hair from Cloud's face. "Play something for me, it helps cheer you up."

"You won't ever bring this up again will you?"

"Not if you don't want me to." Zack got up and pulled Cloud with him by the hands, practically dragging him backwards towards to piano. "Play. And nothing depressing." He pleaded.

Well…it was impossible to say no to Zack. He sat down at the piano, pushing the lid off. "Nothing depressing?"He asked skeptically.

"That's right. Something happy even." Zack told him, taking his place on the edge of the piano stool.

Cloud thought for a bit then started playing, a steady staccato rhythm, it was certainly up beat. Zack laughed, and the notes went up and down the keys in almost a sliding sound before resuming the rhythm.

He had finished. "Does it make you think of anything?"

Zack shook his head, "You know I know nothing about music…"

"It's called Penguins. You know waddling about and sliding on the ice…"

"Aaaah I see it now." Zack agreed.

"My student is doing it for her grade 2 exam." Cloud told him starting to play it again. It was a fun piece, even Cloud had to admit that.

"You look cute when you play it." Zack told him.

Cloud had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "You always say I'm cute, like I'm some girl."

"But you are cute." Zack ruffled the blond mess of hair.

"I'm getting the urge to play Beethoven…" Cloud warned.

"No no, keep on with the penguins. Do-di- doo, do-di-do-di-do-di-dooo." Zack tried to sing along, and started conducting his imaginary orchestra with imaginary baton swinging in time to the rhythm.

Cloud finished the short piece again, and just let his head fall onto Zack's shoulder. The other man put his arm around Cloud, holding him tight. His other hand came up to stroke his hair, and Cloud could have sworn he felt lips brush the black of his head. "It's alright Kiddo…" Zack told him.

To Be Continued

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_"Fantasie" Impromptu in C-sharp minor, Op. 66 No. 4 - Chopin_

_A Zoo for You: Penguins - Linda Niamath_

_Notes: Omg notes! I don't know do people enjoy author notes or is the aloof mysterious author thing better? *joke*_

_Anyway, the whole blanking during a performance was influenced by Nodame Cantabille, it's been many years since I've seen the drama but that may have been a Chopin piece too…? Well there you go that's the hommage. But plot wise I intend to go in a completely different direction._

_Thanks for reviews, I'm really surprised some people are reading and enjoying! Makes me feel bad about my grammar (and writing, and over angsty plot) :x_


	5. Off the Edge of Despair

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, super-uke/emo Cloud, language_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 5 – Off the Edge of Despair**

Cloud was standing at his kitchen unit waiting for the coffee to drip down. Zack was still asleep in his bed, and the morning would soon be over. He'd pulled on some pants from the night before, too shy to walk around naked. It was Sunday, and already the morning was ticking away.

No matter how hard he looked at it, the coffee still didn't fill up quick enough. With a sigh he went to his piano, opening up the lid. He flicked through a few pages of the score on the stand. Well ok so he wanted Zack to wake up already, he was pretty sure this'd do it.

It was by Shumann, a rather gentle piece. He had to remind himself with the score, but even he could relax for once. He allowed his eyes to close, and breathed deeply. As soon as he finished, a voice from the bed called. "Cloud…"

Zack had finally awoken, and Cloud looked over the top of the piano to see him on the bed. "Yes? A request?"

"Mmm nah…just come over here."

Cloud raised his eyebrows in surprise. Apart from that first time, when the sex had been all new and exciting, they rarely stayed in bed together. Zack was always up, wanting to enjoy the last day of the weekend.

The younger man got up and poured two cups of coffee, and set it on the side table next to the clock. Zack was hidden under the sheets, still askew from the night before. Cloud was just about to crouch down to see what Zack wanted to say.

But Zack's hair poked out in even more a disarray than usual motioning for Cloud to join him. The blond man got under the sheet still in his jeans, and Zack put his arm around his stomach.

"What's up? Hang over?"Cloud asked.

Zack laughed, "I am not hung over!" he said with his face buried in the pillows.

"Got something to do?"

"No. God Cloud you talk too much in the morning." His obvious mirth giving away any malace.

Cloud went silent, really wanting to give in and enjoy the closeness. After a while Zack turned his head to the younger man next to him. "That was nice, what was it?"

"Shumann…"

Zack made a face to show he was thinking hard. "Nope, don't know him."

"Now there's a surprise…"

Zack sat up on his elbow looking down at the blond man. "Cloud Strife, did you just make a joke?"

"Uh, I guess so…" Was that really such a strange thing?

Zack just laughed again, rolling over to pin the smaller man under him. "Cloud you're…" He stopped before he said more.

"I'm what?" Cloud searched the face above him, wondering what Zack was thinking.

"Nothing." Zack seemed to have decided not to tell more, and before Cloud could probe more he leaned down to kiss the younger man slowly, slower than their usual heated kisses. The coffee got cold before they got to it.

~*~

Cloud had nearly forgotten about the whole Tifa thing, out of sight out of mind. Nearly. Then he had several cancellations, and whispers behind him in the staff room. He'd turn around and conversations would stop.

It was only a matter of time before the manager asked to see him, for a discussion. They weren't happy with his teaching, he just didn't have the right attitude. Maybe it'd be best if he left. He was just wasting his talent here anyway.

So it was for his own benefit he was fired, really. No need to work out a notice.

He didn't argue, he never cared about this job really. He thought he'd feel freedom as he left the school for the last time, but when he reached the outside all he felt was despair. Overwhelming oppressive despair.

He couldn't even manage to keep a job, he was that useless.

Seeing nothing else to do, he brought a bottle of wine and sat in the park drinking it until well past sundown. Then he wondered aimlessly, picking up some beers on the way.

By the time he arrived home, it was late and he was drunk.

Instead of going to his own apartment he knocked on Zack's. Zack had a key to his apartment, but not the other way around. It summed them up completely, Cloud realized he was utterly dependent on Zack, and it was one way.

Things in his life were starting to make sense now, how could he had not seen it before?

He kept knocking insistently, until finally Zack opened the door bleary eyed from sleep.

"Cloud?" He squinted into the light of the corridor. "What's wrong?"

"I have…a huge favor to ask you." Cloud told him, the other man waited for him to continue. "I want you to give me a piano lesson. Right now."

Zack frowned in confusion. "You're drunk…"

Very much so, but that wasn't going to deter Cloud. "Don't worry, I'll tell you what to say to me. I need this, right now."

Zack looked a bit hesitant to comply with the drunken request, but Cloud pulled him by the faded t-shirt he wore towards his apartment. Zack seemed to relent, and when they got inside the apartment Cloud stumbled around turning on lights, picking a score book and pulling over the 2nd piano stool to the grand piano.

"Sit here…" He told Zack. They had always perched together on the one stool before, sitting close as they enjoyed music together. But no this was a lesson.

Zack complied, a bit confused by the whole thing. Cloud joined him, "Tell me to sight read."

There was a long pause before Zack said with no conviction. "Sight read…"

"Now, when I start playing. Stop me, and tell me it's wrong."

"What?" Zack asked.

"Just stop me." Cloud started playing squinting at the blurry sheet music. He clanged around heavy handedly, and stopped looking at Zack expectantly.

"Uh…stop." Zack said half heartedly, and Cloud looked expectantly. "…it's wrong?"

"Sound fucking angry when you say that, like you're offended."

"What is going on?" Zack asked.

Cloud ignored him. "Now I want you to say I'm stupid, or something. Grab my hair…" He reached for Zack's hand, and put it on the back of his head, but Zack didn't pull the strands.

"No." Zack told him, pulling his hand back from the younger man's grasp.

"Come on, this is a lesson. This is just like HIS lessons." Cloud laughed. "I think I enjoyed them…I wasn't just frightened, I was..." He couldn't look at Zack next to him. "So lean in close and tell me I'm a disgrace…"

"No, this is ridiculous." Zack said rising. "Don't use me to hurt yourself."

Well, the tone of disgust and annoyance was right at least. Cloud looked up finally, not seeing the sneer Sepiroth always wore, only Zack's confusion. "…I'm weird aren't I." The blond man said bitterly.

"Go to bed." Zack told him, leaving him sitting there.

Cloud sat in silence, thinking back to Sepiroth. All those times he'd felt that breath whisper lowly in his ear, it wasn't just fear that made him shudder, it was desire. Why else had he put up with the abuse for years? Bending to every demand?

He had he been utterly infatuated with Sepiroth, and the pain he inflicted.

You're disgusting, he told himself. He rested his head on the cool wood, finally giving up.

~*~

It had been two days since he'd seen Cloud, they'd obviously been avoiding each other. Now Zack sat at his desk at work, distracted from anything productive. He typed at his computer, tutting in annoyance whenever he had to hit the back space key. Personalized effects had creped into the grey space, printed out comic strips stuck to the walls, stupid desk toys people got him for presents. His keys lay next to a solar powered nodding…smiley thing, and the key to Cloud's apartment only served to remind him of the other night.

He'd been weirded out to say the least. He wasn't sure what was going on with Cloud, and it upset him to see him like that. But it hurt even more that Cloud had tried to use him like that, the last thing he'd ever want to do was…treat him like that. It was obviously some issue from the pianists life, but he wasn't going to help him perpetuate the abuse.

He thought Cloud knew him better than that, but he was wrong.

The phone broke the spell of his day dream, and he looked around his small department. It was early still so one else of his team was in, it was up to him to answer the call.

He picked it up cupping it to his shoulder and said automatically, "Have you tried turning it off and on?" It was a running joke in the office.

There was a pause on the other end, and a nervous voice said "Zack?"

The dark haired man's typing stopped, and he leaned back in his chair to answer properly. "Aerith? What's up?"

There was some light nervous laughter, "I can't get my computer working…it won't even turn on! I must have broke it."

"Heeh, whatcha done with it?" He teased.

"Nothing! I just tried turning it on and it won't work…"

Zack smiled to himself, and looked around the empty department again. "I guess you'll be getting a visit from the head of IT himself. Be up there in a moment."

"Ok, see you soon." She said before Zack hung up the phone. Well it'd be an excuse to get out of his cubical, not that he was getting much done here.

He took the elevator up to accounts, and tried to navigate the maze of cubicles. He spotted the curly brown hair he was looking for. "Aerith.." He made his presence known.

She spun around to face him, smiling brightly. "Long time no see! Here I just came back with a coffee from the canteen." She said picking up a paper cup and handing it to him.

"Ah thanks." Zack took the hot beverage, it was already his 3rd of the day. He'd come in extra early to avoid laying in bed restless, hoping to get something productive done and take his mind off…things. Hadn't worked.

"I've not seen you in ages, what's up?" Aerith asked before blowing on her own coffee.

Zack shrugged, leaning carefully against the flimsy cubical walls. "Same old same old…" He brushed off the question, although a certain blond haired neighbor filled his mind. He examined a white orchid on Aerith's desk, she had several potted plants decorating her cubical, along with the usual pictures and print outs.

"That's good. I thought something was up, like we've not really seen each other since the night I went back to your place…I mean we just had coffee…" Zack looked away. "Hey I know you're gay, I wasn't expecting anything from the pity date!" She added.

"Aerith!" Zack hissed out. He was most definitely NOT out at work, how'd she managed to figure it out he'd never know. He'd offered to take her out to cheer her up over a messy break up she'd mentioned when he'd been fixing her computer one day, only he'd gotten side tracked by his neighbor's look of shock.

"Oh relax." She said standing in her chair and looking up over the walls. "It's early no one's in yet." She sat back down taking her coffee again. "But I don't mind being your fag hag."

Zack rolled his eyes, "I'm not that kind of gay." He'd never been into the whole…gay scene so to speak. Sure he'd hooked up but, never a deep relationship. He cut himself off mid thought. " So anyway, about your computer."

"Yeah…" She said pushing herself away from the desk to get a better look at it. "As I said it won't even start up. I've got a really important file on there!"

"Should have saved a back up." She did not appreciate the advice. "Did you check the plug?"

"Yes!" She gave him an exasperated look. He crouched down to check the power point under the desk any way, but she was right, it was plugged in and switched on.

She gave him a 'I told you so' look and pressed the start button. It started up, but it was doing some odd things. From his crouched position he leaned forward to look onto the desk. He saw the problem. "Turn it off." He asked her, and he reached across to push her hand bag off the keyboard. "Now try it."

This time it started perfectly and he grinned at her. "Keep your bag off the keyboard, it just interrupts the boot up with command prompts."

Aerith had her hand clasped over her mouth in embarrassment. "Oh my god…I didn't even notice it was on there…Zack you must never tell anyone about this."

Zack resisted the urge to tease her. "You're secret is safe, as long as mine is."

"Thank you thank you." She clasped her hands together for effect. "And lets go to dinner some time, my treat."

Zack raked through his shaggy black hair with his free hand. He supposed he could do with a night to clear his head about Cloud. "Sure, why not."

~*~

Cloud had spent the past several days in bed. He had no job, so there was no reason to get up. He'd woken up stiff and hung over hunched over the piano keys after that night, only to remember what had happened…he'd been mortified. There was no way he could face Zack after that…he must think he was a freak.

In one way he wished Zack would come over, like nothing had happened, everything cool. But he didn't, and Cloud didn't have the courage to go knock himself.

By the 5th day of moping, he'd broke and had his cell phone in his hand, Zack's number displayed in the address book. Just one press, and he'd be calling Zack. Would he even pick up? But he was far too much of a coward to attempt anything face to face so this was a good compromise he figured.

But did he have the courage to do this? Cloud tried to not think anymore as he pressed the button and held the phone to his ear. It rang. He imagined Zack's ring tone, the man patting his pockets to find it. Opening it, seeing Cloud's name. Would he accept the call? Or flip it back closed.

Relief washed through him when he head the other end pick up. "Hey…" Came the voice on the other end, but it sounded tired.

Cloud quickly figured out he wasn't answering from home, he hadn't heard any sound from next door, Zack was out somewhere. His ear strained to pick up any clues of his whereabouts. "Um Zack…"

He was cut off by laughter in the back ground, high pitched female laughter. His blood ran cold when he realized he'd heard that laugh before. It dripped with an unmistakable femininity. The pretty brown haired girl, the date.

His imagination ran wild, "Sorry." He blurted out, and promptly hung up. He stared at the phone in his hand now silent.

You've fucked up big time, you've finally pushed him away. Or he was just fucking around with you, either way, he'd misjudged the situation.

In a fit of anger he threw the phone against the wall, undoubtedly making it useless now.

Meanwhile in a restaurant Zack stared at his phone, not sure what to do.

"Uh oh." Aerith said from across him. "You got that troubled look again. Who was that?"

"Mmm no one." Zack said not really wanting to discuss it with her. Should he just ignore it? The phone didn't make any more noise, it was up to him. "I'll be back in a minute." He said excusing himself and making his way outside.

He faced the night time air as he found Cloud's name in his address book and dialed. A polite artificial voice told him that the current number was out of service or unavailable at this time. He wrote an email saying:

_we'll talk later__._

He looked at it, and added some more so it now read.

_we'll talk later__. i want to see you._

He had second thoughts though, and deleted the second sentence.

_we'll talk later._

Zack stared at the one line message; his finger hovered over the send button. It got to the point, made no promises nor betrayed how torn he'd been.

He pressed send, and went back in to the restaurant. He didn't know when, but they'd talk.

To Be Continued

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_Am Abend Fantasiestucke Op 12 - Schumann_

_Notes: Uploaded on my Birthday! I'm an old maid now! I wrestled a bit with this chapter, but I've decided where it's going so it'll be easier now. _


	6. The Burdened

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, super-uke/emo Cloud (although I'm told he isn't? lol this is pretty emo for me lol), language, bastardised sepi/tifa (soz I need some bad guys)_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 6 - The Burdened**

Zack had missed the last train home, and had to sleep on Aerith's couch, then straight to work. He'd spent the day checking his phone for any emails from Cloud. He'd jumped a mile when the phone buzzed on his desk, only to open it and see it was a coupon from a fast food place.

What was he expecting anyway?

Resigning himself 5 o'clock couldn't come soon enough. Instead of going to his apartment he went straight to Cloud's and knocked. If memory served correct he should be back early today. But there was no answer, so Zack pulled out the spare key and let himself in.

"Cloud?" He called out, but the apartment was dark and silent. He turned on the light and it confirmed that no one was home. He sighed, dumping the keys on the counter. He'd wait.

After he'd turned on the coffee maker he surveyed the apartment. It was tidy as usual, and he sat down with a sigh in front of the baby grand piano. He opened it, trying to remember the flea waltz Cloud had taught him. Man he sucked, Cloud could play anything and he made it look so easy.

Something black caught his attention, and he moved to it and crouched down balancing on his heels. It was Cloud's phone. He picked it up turning it over in his hand, there was now a crack along the back and the edge looked rough where the crack started.

He opened it and tried pressing the on button. By some miracle of modern technology it worked, and the screen lit up. He waited for it to start up and connect to the network, and a new email was announced with Cloud's ring tone. The damn Nokia one when he didn't even have a Nokia. Something to do with some 19th centaury Spanish guy when Zack had teased him about changing it, and then Cloud had done an improvisation based on that little tone. Impressed the fuck out of him.

Zack stared at the new mail icon, feeling like a snoop. But he pressed it anyway, and saw it was his email from last night. So Cloud hadn't read it. He checked the call history, he'd been the last person Cloud had spoken to.

Starting to get worried he searched the apartment, dreading he'd find a note. Cloud wouldn't kill himself, would he? He wasn't so sure now, he'd been in a state the last time he'd seen him and then he'd ignored him. But there was no note, and he opened the wardrobe. Cloud's clothes lay folded in neat piles, and he absently touched a blue ribbed sweater he thought Cloud looked nice in. But there were noticeable gaps where handfuls of clothes had been pulled out.

Zack let go of a breath he didn't know he'd been holding in relief. If you were going to kill yourself you wouldn't need clothes would you?

So where had he gone, and why? Maybe he'd just gone to clear his head, it'd probably do him some good…well that was the best case scenario.

Zack went to the bed and flopped down, pulling Cloud's phone from his pocket. He had legitimate concern now, so he had no reservation about checking the inbox. But it was only filled with messages from himself, stupid things saying he'd be late, saying he'd be free to hang out, asking what Cloud wanted for dinner. His heart filled with regret that he'd never said anything meaningful to Cloud, and now he couldn't do it words weighed heavy on him.

He rolled onto his side in the empty bed, staring at the phone in his hand. He'd wait for Cloud, he'd be back in a day or two.

~*~

A week later Zack wasn't so calm. Cloud hadn't been back, and there was no way of tracing him. He knew nothing about his family, and could find no contact numbers in his apartment. He'd even broke into Cloud's laptop and checked the emails, browsing history but there was nothing.

The guilt of his indecision was eating him up inside. Five days Cloud had been right there next to him in the apartment, and he hadn't had the guts to go and talk to him. It had been childish, and now he was paying the price.

So he left work early and went to the music school Cloud taught at, what else could he do. He reached the desk and tapped impatiently waiting for a receptionist.

She came in from the office and smiled brightly at him, "Hi, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm looking for Cloud Strife." Zack asked, and his heart sunk when her expression dropped.

"Oh, Mr. Strife doesn't work here anymore…" She told him.

"What?! Since when?" Zack asked.

"He left about two weeks ago." She explained.

"Why did he leave? Was it something to do with that argument?" Zack's voice was showing it's desperation now.

The young woman gave him a warning look, "We can't really discuss that…"

"Well he's disappeared and I have no idea where he's gone." He told her, but she remained silent unmoved by sympathy. "Damnit." Zack said to himself, and turned to leave. This had proved a dead end.

As he got out the door he passed someone, and their gaze met and flashed recognition on both sides. "Hey, you're Cloud's student right?"

She tried to get past him but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Cloud's disappeared and I can't find him. Do you know what has happened?"

Tifa tried to break away but he didn't let go. "Let go of me, you're both disgusting." She spat out at him eventually.

Now that had been a slap to the face. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's gross, you both being faggots." She said bitterly looking away.

Zack had never been faced with discrimination before, he didn't think these things happened in such a metropolitan city. "Is that why Cloud left? Were you the one he had a disagreement with?"

"Get your filthy hands off me." She avoided the question, and Zack let her go before she screamed rape.

But he wasn't done with her yet. "Well Cloud's disappeared, I don't know if he's killed himself or not. If anything happens to him, I'm going to come back and kick your ass, with my own bare faggotty hands."

She spat in front of him, and he shook his head turning his back on her, he was so close to giving her a slap.

"No it's your fault, he wasn't gay before he met with you." She called behind him.

He turned back to her still backing away, worried he'd still hit her. "No honey." He put on a mocking effeminate gay voice, "He was just a mess before he met me." And he left, promising himself not to look back.

Truth be told though, Cloud had still been a mess after he'd met him as well. Sure Cloud had eventually started laughing and smiling with him, but look now what had happened. Zack couldn't help but feel responsible for the situation as well.

~*~

Cloud sat at the unfamiliar piano, concentrating hard on the music. He stopped and winced. "God why do I keep doing that…"

He tried again, but in another 30 seconds he stopped again. "That's wrong."

He went back to the beginning of the bar and tried, but didn't even finish it before stopping, taking his hands off the keys. "God I'm so stupid."

A large hand slapped down onto the piano lid in front of him, forcing him to jerk his head up with a start. Vincent Valentine leaned down to him. "Stop that." He said firmly.

The normally softly spoken Valentine glared down at him with intensity, and Cloud's heart quickened.

Cloud was waiting for it, the physical or verbal rebuttal. Instead Vincent sighed and lowered his voice, "I was enjoying that, you keep spoiling it with that constant criticism."

The tall man leaned onto the lid of the piano with his elbows, his long black hair falling over his shoulders. "When I hear you say those things, it's not your voice it's Sepiroth. When you say them it upsets me, stops me enjoying it…just like he did with you."

Cloud looked down and his hands resting on his lap. The psycho-analysis was touching on a very painful topic. His gaze shifted up to Vincent's left hand resting in front of him, scars creeping out from the wrist to run up to the fingers. He'd heard rumors that Vincent had been in an accident and had lost some of the mobility of his fingers at the start of a concert pianist career, prematurely ending it. Vincent had his own reasons to push him it would seem.

Vincent carried on digging around regardless of Cloud's discomfort. "You've got to let go of that voice if you have any chance of doing well in the competition."

The competition…just the thought sent Cloud's head light with dizziness. Letting the words sink in Vincent plucked the score book from stand closing it up. "Just play something, anything as long as you enjoy it."

Cloud sat there in silence, thinking over what he wanted to play. With a blank expression he lifted his hands and started playing Penguins, the grade 2 piece he'd played for Zack. It had nice memories, and when he finished he didn't look up at Vincent.

If he had he'd have seen Vincent was slightly perplexed. But he didn't comment on the piece and instead drew himself up to his full height. "Play what you want or finish for the night. We'll continue this tomorrow."

Cloud was left alone, and when he heard the door to Vincent's own practice room close he took a deep breath. He'd been with Vincent for the past week, staying at his own home. The morning after the phone call he went back to his own university and found Vincent, and begged him to get him in the competition.

Vincent had gotten onto the phone and pulled strings and called in favors, with a few white lies to top it off. But they'd managed to secure a place in the competition, even though they had missed the deadline.

Then the intensive regimen of practice had begun, Cloud had opted to stay at Vincent's house. He lived alone after his wife had die so it was no problem. Cloud would practice all day, and in the evening Vincent would listen to his progress and comment. Besides, he couldn't bare to face Zack yet, for fear he was going to tell him that…he was too pathetic to hang out with now. Too frightened be told he had taken things too seriously, he was seeing that girl now…

He regularly helped himself to the valium in Vincent's bathroom. It was easier to get through the days and nights in the numb fog of prescription drugs, and Vincent either didn't notice (unlikely) or agreed, when the bottle had become near empty a refill joined it's place on the shelf. Valium was the only way he could remain calm or sleep at night.

But for the billionth time he questioned WHY he was doing this, but he knew. He was doing it for Zack, to show him he wasn't totally useless bound to the past. That he was able to move forward and put the demons to rest.

Just one competition and he wasn't even aiming to win it. Just be there, and finish. Earn Zack's respect, maybe. Win his heart with the sheer beauty of music…

That was the fanciful theory anyway; putting it into practice was another matter entirely.

~*~

Zack sat at his desk, looking over the report for the upcoming server maintenance. Big fucking hassle and he was in no mood to deal with it. No word from Cloud, and he was ready to fill a missing persons report. Only that'd be totally crazy, he was just his neighbor after all. What else could he do but check up on his place, and lay there hoping for music to float through the walls.

He stood up from his desk, "Wedge, I'm going for a break hold the fort." He asked his subordinate. Zack made his way to the cafeteria to buy a coffee, and he was zoning out waiting for his order when someone touched his back.

"Hey Zack." He turned and it was Aerith. "On a break?"

Zack looked back and gave a strained smile. "Yeah, I'm going for a smoke."

"Oh let me come it's not fair you smokers get all that extra break time." She teased him.

Zack tried to laugh, taking his coffee from the canteen lady. "Sure, just don't complain when you get cancer."

Aerith already had a juice cartoon, and followed him to the elevator around the back of the building. The smokers retreat was a small patch of concrete, so grey and depressing soviet Russia would have been proud. It suited his mood perfectly.

Zack found his cigarettes and took a deep drag on the end. Aerith was sucking innocently on the end of the straw, watching him. "So, is there something up with you, you've been out of it recently? Is work busy?"

Zack shrugged his shoulders, "No not really."

Aerith's eyebrows raised slightly. "Oh so it it…" She looked around to make sure the coast was clear. "A guy?" She said lowly.

"Ah Aerith…"

"Oh it's ok you can talk with me about it right, like there isn't anyone else at work you can right?" She pressed gently.

Zack worried his lower lip with his teeth, before sucking on another drag of his cigarette. "It's hard to talk about…" grey smoke slipped from his lips before he blew the smoke aside.

"But you've been looking…kinda down recently." She told him.

A polite way of saying I look like shit, Zack thought. It was true, he had dark circles and his smile had become more strained with every day Cloud had been gone. "Well yeah it's a guy…but we're not like that…not properly…"

Aerith's eyes widened, almost surprised he was spilling the beans. But he needed to tell someone, "We sort of had an argument, and now he's gone off somewhere and I don't know where he is."

"Are you guys serious?" She asked.

Zack sipped on his coffee, unable to meet her eyes. "No…well, kinda…I mean, we have sex…but is that serious?" He asked her.

Aerith was perhaps a sheltered girl, but she tried to take in this frank talk in her stride. "I don't know…were YOU serious about it?"

Zack flicked the ash onto the floor, his shoulders falling back to lean against the concrete wall. "Not really…it was fun, and it was nice to have someone to hang out with but then…"

"But then…?"

"Things got heavy…but now he's gone and…I really miss him." Zack admitted. At some point Cloud had started to mean more to him than just a buddy. And he hadn't even realized, when the pianist had been in such easy reach.

"What about him? How do you think he feels?" Aerith questioned.

Zack looked up at the high rise building that reached the sky behind him. "I don't know, he's this big lonely puppy dog…with issues if you know what I mean…"

"But if you like him then…"

"Hey I don't know, I don't know about that. Sex is one thing, taking on a puppy dog is another."

Aerith pursed her lips together in thought, "You just said you miss the puppy dog though…"

"Yeah I know I did." Zack took the last puff on his cigarette and flicked it into the bucket of sand left out there. "The puppy's run away from home though, and fuck all I can do about it." He put his hands in his pockets and made motions to go.

"I can put up lost posters with you if you want." Aerith teased putting her arm through Zack's.

The man rolled his eyes, "Thanks." He said sarcastically, then paused for a moment and said again seriously, "No, I really do mean thanks. Sucks having no one to tell my fag problems to. I'd have been trolling the internet forums asking for advice at this rate."

"Anytime…I hope you find your puppy dog again." She said as they swiped themselves in through the glass automatic doors. Zack shrugged, his puppy may never find it's way back at this rate.

~*~

Zack came into Cloud's empty apartment, hoping that today would be the day Cloud would be back. As had been every day of the past month it was as he had left it. He'd even brought Cloud a new phone, and left it in the box on the kitchen counter next to the old broken one. The battery or something was fucked, it would randomly turn it's self off, so Zack had brought Cloud a new one, an upgrade to the one he already had. Hell, he'd even put on the nokia ring tone for him.

But the bait sat there undisturbed. Zack was hoping maybe he'd come back and the phone would be taken, then he'd know he have a way to contact Cloud.

Zack sighed sitting on Cloud's couch, rummaging through his bag for the handful of mail he'd brought up with him. He'd come to living in both apartments, again hoping to catch Cloud sneaking back.

He spread out holding the bundle of envelopes above his head. Bill. Bill. Junk. Bill. But he stopped on something that wasn't a bill. It was addressed to just Zack, the address written out in hand. He didn't recognize the hand writing but when had he ever seen Cloud's writing properly?

He sat up to tear into it, ripping it open and pulling out the paper inside. He unfolded a glossy sheet, and it was an advertisement for a piano competition coming up in two weeks. Two pieces of paper fell out onto his lap, and he picked them up to examine them.

One was a printed ticket, and another was a note that said 'Please come'. Was this Cloud? It must be, who else would send him this. Relief washed over him, he was alive…and entering a competition?

Once again Zack realized he had no clue what was going on in that blond head. But that didn't matter, the main thing was Cloud was alright, and did want to talk to him again…right? Well maybe, but he'd get to see him at this competition hopefully.

Zack fell back onto the couch grinning to himself. Two weeks, he'd see Cloud and clear the air between them. Cloud would come back, they'd go back to hanging out, listening to music together, fucking…and well maybe more? Zack didn't like to wonder about that before he'd seen Cloud again. But maybe it would just be that easy, they'd see each other, and know exactly what he felt, confess, be reciprocated and live happily ever after. It could be that easy, right?

To Be Continued.

_Pieces mentioned:_

_Gran Vals – Tarraga AKA THE NOKIA RING TONE lol (The 19__th__ cent Spanish guy…but did you know it doesn't have the last note on the end? Nokia added that)_

_Author notes: Thank you for the birthday wishes, I live very far away from my family and had to work that day so it was nice to get something!_

_Also a big thank you to KimieVII for such long and insightful reviews, they were really helpful for me writing._

_So reviewing really does help! Many thanks to all those that take the time to do so._

_An aside the last two titles have come from the FFVII and Crisis core OST titles. God I love the FF OSTs so much, I think I have most of them…_

_And the story…think things are going to be so simple for them? Mwahaha, I'm evil and love jerking around their path of love!_


	7. Melody of Agony

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being cloud, language, bastardised sepi/tifa (soz I need some bad guys), ANGST. ANGST. ANGST._

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 7 – Melody of Agony**

Cloud moved like a zombie, still groggy from a valium induced sleep. Vincent talked to him in that low voice from the bathroom door. He didn't know why he was talking to him still, he had zoned out. Probably because it was the day of the competition, and his teacher was trying to cram in as much wisdom in as possible.

What ever, they'd drilled and practiced as much as humanly possible. He'd made it through the closed heats without a problem, and now it was time for the real thing, the final.

Cloud had finished shaving and splashed his face with warm water and slicking his hair back to keep it out of the way. He reached for the valium, when he felt a hand grip his wrist. He looked at it, the deep ridges of scars holding his own smoother hand. How the hell had Vincent moved so fast? Or was his brain just moving slow?

He looked up at his teacher standing behind him. "Not today." Vincent told him firmly. So no tranquilizers on the day he most needed them. It was the sensible thing to do though, so that's why Vincent had been watching him since he'd woken up. He sighed and pulled himself away to gather his things.

As soon as they left the house, the anxiety had started. Competition, and Zack, all on the same day. But Zack would be faced later, he just needed to make it to that stage, play, FINISH, leave.

Teacher and pupil arrived at the back entrance, and Vincent passed the suit bag containing the rented tuxedo to him, draping it over his arm. A tense moment passed between them, they were both men of little words.

Finally, Vincent put a hand onto his shoulder, an awkward gesture for the stoic man. "Do your best, you've prepared enough." Was his attempt at encouragement.

Cloud nodded, swallowing dryly. Vincent left him to go around to the main entrance, where early arrivers had started coming in. He clutched the suit to his chest tightly, looking around him. Some other entrants passed him, chatting lightly. There was still time to run…but Zack would be here, he'd be watching. He hoped he would be anyway.

The dressing rooms was a sense of déjà vu, and to escape it he wondered back stage finding a staff entrance that opened to the auditorium, and he leaned against the wall to peer out the crack between in the velvet curtain. The hall was half the size of the last time, there being no 2nd floor. It wasn't a quite as large a competition but it was still big enough.

He scanned the audience. The seats were mostly filled now, and he scanned them one by one to find the familiar black hair he was looking for. About the 10th row, next to Vincent according to the ticket number.

He saw Vincent soon enough, looking bored through the program. His heart sank when he realized the seat was empty. Zack hadn't come, it was about to start any moment now the judges had arrived. All this work had been for nothing, Zack couldn't be bothered to come. He really didn't care at all, it was the only conclusion he could come to.

But before he could turn and walk right out building, someone came running down the aisle checking his ticket, and made a big ruckus as he started to squeeze past people to get to his seat.

Zack, it was Zack!!

Cloud might as well have won the competition right there and then his heart jumped so far. Zack had slid past Valentine, who had to stop talking to the person on his other side to let him through. He was simply over-joyed, he had his chance now, this would be his moment to prove…

Before Cloud could start feeling too optimistic, long silver hair glided past his view of Vincent and Zack.

Sepiroth was here, and any confidence Cloud had crashed. Why was he here? Did he have a student entered?

His mind was reeling from the information, when a backstage person pulled him away from the curtain and asked him to go back to the dressing room and change. When he arrived he looked around, was someone here Sepiroth's student? He'd never know unless he asked, and he wasn't about to start doing that. The questions rattled through his head as he changed as quickly as possible.

Sepiroth was here, Sepiroth would hear him…he sank down into a corner of the dressing room, covering his ears. He wasn't playing for Sepiroth anymore, he was playing for Zack.

Thoughts of Zack kept him calm, until his number was called. History seemed to repeat it's self as he waited in the wings, clapping for the contestant that finished before him. His suit was stiff and hot already, he tugged at the collar to try let some air in.

He hesitated when they passed, and an organizer pushed him, "Go." They told him, and before he knew it he was out in the bright lights with the announcer reading his name and piece title over the loud speakers. Keep his eyes firmly fixed on the floor; he made it to the grand piano in the center stage.

Cloud sat and the auditorium went quiet. "For you Zack…" he whispered, and lifted his hands to black and white keys and started to play.

Zack had been practically biting his nails in the seat. He'd had to leave work early to get here, and he thought he was going to miss the start, and miss Cloud if he was first. But he needn't have worried he hadn't missed anything.

He almost didn't believe Cloud would actually be appearing, but there was his name in the program and he was even sitting next to the man with long black hair, Valentine was it? Did he introduce himself? Hi I'm Cloud's neighbor and fuck friend. The older man was talking to someone next to him in German, and the competition started anyway.

Zack was kind of bored sitting through all the other contestants. They all sounded good to him, but he wanted Cloud, he wanted to see him.

His ears pricked when he head Cloud's name be announced, and held his breath for the seconds it took him to appear. He grinned, Cloud looked nervous as hell but he was up there in that black and white tuxedo like a professional!

Everyone waited for Cloud to start, and from the first few chords Zack recognized the tune. Beethoven's moonlight sonata. He knew Cloud liked the moody dramatic pieces, but he played this one marvelously, even to a layman like Zack.

Everyone listened to the slow rhythmic tempo, not a note out of place. It was restrained and controlled, but the underlying sadness touched Zack. He felt something warm and wet on his cheek, and he brought up his hand to his face to realize he was crying. He didn't care for now, he was utterly spell bound by Cloud rocking gently as his hands danced slowly over the keys.

Was this really the level he was capable of? Playing in front of all these people with such emotion? And to think he'd had him all to himself for six months…

Cloud had finished, and brought his hands back to his lap. Everyone started clapping and Zack joined them, grinning through his tears. Cloud slowly stood and faced the audience to bow, before leaving. He hoped Cloud had seen him, seen how proud he was.

But now he was gone Zack reached up to hastily wipe his face and hot eyes, trying to cover his crumbling happy go lucky façade. Vincent had leaned over to speak lowly to his companion under the announcement for the next contestant.

Cloud had reached the safety of the wings, and people were brushing by him preparing for the next entrant. His shirt stuck wet to his back and sides, sweat dripped sickly over his face. Someone nudged him and told him to go to the dressing room. "I don't feel well…" was all he said before his vision went pitch black and he crumbled to the floor.

~*~

Cloud woke up in the empty dressing room, the polystyrene ceiling tiles filling his vision. His head swam, and he blinked to try and block out the florescent lighting and black spots that danced in and out of his sight. His tie and shirt had been loosened, and when he looked to the side an organizer of the competitor sat there writing on a clip board.

The man noticed he was awake, and slipped the pen back into the top. "Welcome back. Congratulations, you took Second place. But it's too late to get the trophy everyone is up on stage right now."

"Second?" He asked, wondering if he was still dreaming. He rested his head back, and listened for the sounds of clapping and speeches from the stage. He didn't want a trophy anyway, fuck it. He closed his eyes again.

"Yeah second." The man carried on, standing to leave now Cloud was awake. "You musical types hey, no wonder you feinted I bet you've been practicing non stop for months."

"Something like that…" Cloud said and realizing unconsciousness was not going to take him back into her merciful grasp he sat up, rubbing his eyes. The suit had dried to merely damp now rather than ringing at least.

"You can at least take pictures with the other winners, get your tie done back up. Try and stay upright alright." The man obviously had better things to do than babysit and left him.

~*~

Zack had been surprised when Cloud had been announced as Second place. Cloud really was good, and it wasn't just his biased opinion. But when he saw no Cloud, and an announcement that he was unable to be there at that time he got worried, and a glance towards Vincent told him he looked concerned too.

Vincent got up to excuse himself, and Zack had no choice but to wait until the closing ceremony ended, and people started filing out. But he did stick close to the man Valentine had been talking to, and sure enough the other man rejoined him.

They spoke lowly in German, and Zack couldn't hold himself back any longer. "Excuse me? You're Cloud Strife's teacher aren't you?" He asked.

Vincent looked around as if there was a possibility of another person Zack had directed the question at. When it was clear that there was only one teacher of Cloud Strife in the vicinity he answered, "Yes."

"I'm his friend." Zack explained. Well it sounded less weird than Neighbor or fuck buddy. "Where is he? Why didn't he come back on stage?"

Vincent arched an eyebrow, "He fainted and was resting. He is awake now and taking promotional pictures." He was studying Zack's face, trying to work out how on earth the socially inept Cloud had made a friend. "He'll be joining us shortly."

Now he'd made himself known, the three were forced to wait together. But not for so long, when a voice that rivaled Vincent's said, "So you're still interested in my left-overs Valentine."

Everyone turned, and there was the tallest most imposing guy Zack had ever seen. He was tall, but this guy was taller. And the hair and eyes, it was like he had landed from space. He looked kind of familiar, he'd seen him somewhere around Cloud's apartment…CD cases maybe? He looked between Mr. Black-Long-Hair and Mr. Silver-Long-Hair. Music academics were eccentric al right. Well whoever he was, Zack didn't like what he said, it made the hair on the back of his neck prickle.

Vincent's expression didn't change, and he merely gazed at the other man coolly. "Just giving a chance to what you so easily abandoned."

Sepiroth gave a smug smirk. "Well you came in 2nd this time to me, a great achievement for you. Must have been many years since you've had anything to take pride in, even if it was I who done the ground work on this particular project." He placed a hand on Vincent's shoulder as he passed. "Enjoy the moment. Just don't spend too much time on that one, it will never bloom. See you at the faculty meeting."

There was an unmistakable flash of anger through Vincent's eyes as Sepiroth brushed past. But he managed to contain it well, he face was carefully neutral.

Zack however was fuming. "Who is that asshole?"

The taller man didn't miss a beat, "The great Sepiroth."

"That's the guy who was a dick to Cloud?" Zack was torn between waiting for Cloud and going to kick that guy's ass. Uh well he could try, Sepiroth had a good few inches on him.

"His methods are not for all…" Vincent explained, head lifting to look to a point behind Zack. "Cloud, congratulations."

Zack spun around, and there was Cloud admit the milling people, bags piled up in his arms. How long Cloud had been watching, he didn't know. They stared at each other for a long time, both unsure of how to react.

"You saw me right?" Cloud asked in a small voice.

Finally a smile broke Zack's face. "Yeah I saw you, you were great."

There was much more that needed to be said, but it was neither the time or the place with Vincent and the other man watching them. Zack closed the gap between them, and took the suit in it's cover from him lightening the load. "Are you ok?"

Cloud nodded silently juggled the bags and let him take a few things, and he looked up at Zack with those clear blue eyes. Don't do that Cloud, I'll just want to kiss you right here!

Showing remarkable restraint he pulled back, letting Vincent join them. "You done very well today Cloud. "

Zack took a step back, not wanting to interfere in the shop talk between teacher and pupil.

"I done ok…" Cloud said avoiding Vincent's gaze.

"No, you placed 2nd, which considering you haven't been playing professionally for two years is very good. And Prof. Cid agrees."

Cloud did look up from the floor and finally nodded a greeting to the man next to Vincent. He looked like a typical grizzled academic, complete with odd ball dickie-bow.

"Now Cloud, Prof. Cid teachers at the Leipzig Conservatory of music…and he agrees with me about your potential." Vincent looked around, not really wanting to broach this right now, but he was hoping to ride on any high Cloud might have for placing in the completion. "He's come from Germany to see you perform, and he would like you to study there. He is certain you could pass the audition with ease."

First the competition, seeing Sepiroth, being reunited with Zack, and now this? Cloud was overwhelmed. "I told you this was a one off…"

"And if it was a one off it would be a waste." Vincent was beginning to look frustrated, it was obviously a conversation they'd had already.

"It's a private school, I don't have the money to go there…" Cloud offered as an excuse.

Vincent looked a bit uneasy, "I would sponsor you, your fees and a living stipend would be taken care of." He looked around, his eyes finally resting on the blond man and he softened a bit. "I don't want to discuss this at depth now, just please consider it." Vincent flicked his reddish brown eyes between the two 'friends'. "I will take my leave now, go home and have a rest. We will discuss my offer this week .Congratulations again, despite what you think you deserve it." He turned and said something in German to Prof. Cid, and the two left.

Zack mean while was dumb struck. Cloud, studying abroad? He'd never even considered it. He realized Cloud looked shell shocked, and he took his arm pulling him in the direction of the exit. "Come on, lets get out of here." They came outside where Zack stopped, "You're coming back to your place right?" He asked tentatively, god he hoped so.

Cloud nodded, and with a sigh of relief they headed on towards the station to catch a train home.

The pianist wasn't in any state to talk on the ride home, and it was mostly silent Zack not sure what to say himself. At some point it started raining, and they got wet on their way to the apartment building. Wordlessly he helped Cloud back into his apartment, where they shook off the drops clinging to their hair and skin.

The bags were dropped unceremoniously on the floor, a small throphy clinking against the wood inside a glossy department store paper bag, completely forgotten. Cloud himself collapsed onto the sofa, looking like death warmed up.

Zack naturally went to the coffee maker filling it up with water and ground coffee. He clicked it on before he began, hand loosening his work tie as he spoke. "You know, I was really fucking worried about you. I mean you disappear for nearly two months without a word." Anger crept into his voice, he couldn't help it. He'd worried himself sick over it.

"I'm sorry." Cloud told him, a lifeless doll staring out the window. "I wanted to enter the competition." Why he wanted to, he did not elaborate.

Zack ignored the coffee, turning shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm not your keeper, just a call would be nice."

"My phone broke…" Cloud told him.

"Yeah, I saw…" Zack went to the kitchen counter picking up the new phone that had sat there all that time. "Here, I got you a new one." He tossed it at Cloud before taking the seat opposite him. Blinking back to reality Cloud picked the box off his lap. "I've set it up and put your old sim card in." Zack told him.

"Thanks…" Cloud said, staring at the present in his hands.

Zack shrugged, "I can get them for free at work." He lied. Is that the best you can talk about Zack? Fucking phones?! His anger had dissipated somewhat, and he sighed. "But I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, I didn't realize you had lost your job."

Cloud blushed somewhat, he hadn't expected Zack to know about that. But it was obvious on second thoughts. "I was…weird that night. I'm sorry."

Yeah, they'd both done weird things. Well both had apologized what else could they do. "You were really great today." He told Cloud sincerely, barely breaking the surface of the pride and respect he felt.

"You thought so?" Cloud asked, a little hopefully.

"Yeah, I never thought you'd do something like that, not after the recital. You were brave, I'd never be able to do it. You're my hero."

Neither had Cloud thought he'd do it, and the redness to his pale skin deepened.

They sat there saying nothing, both looking at anything but each other. Finally Zack broke, a tight pain in his chest at the very thought of what he asked next. "So you going to study in Germany?" He'd been thinking about it ever since Vincent had mentioned it, it weighed on his heart.

"Oh that…"

"Yeah, what an amazing opportunity right?" Zack lifted his eyes and smiled, not that he felt like it on the inside.

"Yeah but…" Cloud trailed off.

"You're really good Cloud, I mean some German dude comes all the way here to see you play, and you've got someone giving you their cheque book to go study in such a cool place, how often does that happen?" Zack couldn't believe he was saying this…

"You think I should go?" Cloud asked, looking rather small and scared on the couch, the phone still clutched in his hands.

With forced casualness Zack said, "Hell yeah, I mean you don't have a job here now, and you can go to Europe, the mother land of music to go study. You could become a famous pianist." The next words that left Zack's mouth practically ripped both their hearts out. "There's nothing here holding you back. I mean, not like we're serious or anything."

Cloud's fingers dropped the box into his lap. There was a stunned silence between the two, before Cloud finally managed out. "No I guess there isn't." Hurt beyond words could explain, Cloud stood. "I think I need to sleep, I'm really tired."

The dark haired man pretended to not notice the obvious pain on Cloud's face. "Yeah sure. Hey I'll leave you to get settled in." Zack stood to leave Cloud in peace, or rather bolt for safety before he had a chance to retract what he had just said.

Cloud was utterly devastated, and went to collapse onto his bed. Some valium would be good right now, a whole load. So his fears had been realized, Zack really was just fucking around with him. The competition had proved useless, he was still left with nothing. He listened to the rain patter against the window, it was an appropriate sound track to his life.

Meanwhile Zack had closed the door behind him to his own apartment. "Fuck." He said lowly, for fear of Cloud hearing it. That was not how he'd envisioned their reunion. What the fuck had happened to his confession? "Fuck." He said again, pushing some junk off the kitchen counter in a fit of anger, it clattered to the floor noisily. He slid down with his back to the door, hands pulling at fistfuls of his own hair.

But how was he supposed to tell Cloud now how he felt? If he did, Cloud would never go to Germany. He'd be stuck here, working in a convenience store or something. How could he live with himself if he selfishly held Cloud back from having a go at such a great career? He wasn't the only person that believed in Cloud's talent, there was Valentine and the German dude, people who knew what they were talking about telling Cloud to go.

That didn't make it any easier for Zack, and he hated himself for doing this to Cloud.

To Be Continued.

_Pieces mentioned:_

_Moonlight sonata, 1__st__ movement – Beethoven (This is one of my favourite pieces ever and I've been saving it. Apparently Beethoven wrote it for student he loved but she married someone else. Oh and it got so popular he hated it. It was almost cliché to use it but I couldn't resist.)_

_Author notes: _

– _Once again the title taken from the crisis core sound track. Their track titles are just too good to not use. Melody of Agony is an excellent piano piece btw, youtube it. Yeah, apart from the specific piano pieces mentioned I listen to the crisis core sound track as I write._

_- Vincent and Sepi? Meow, put the claws away boys. That is not the last of sepi though, there will be closure._

_- Leipzig Conservatory? Made it up, picked a random place in Germany that wasn't Berlin -_-;_

_-Man this had a hell of a lot of characters to juggle about, it was like a stage play cueing everyone in and out to get the MAX DORAMA. I don't know if I've been successful with keeping characterizations._

_- I give up, I'm changing the genre of this story to angst/romance. I promise it will be worth it in the end. And I also promise no cheap trick cutting or rape or anorexia -_-_

_- AND last but not least, THANKYOU TO MY REVIEWERS. Brunette S Angel and KimieVII I'm blown away that you'd want to put that much effort into your reviews. It's really rewarding getting to see how someone else reacts as they read. But everyone, thank you for taking the time to keep reading this modest little crack fic. angst fic._


	8. The Face of Lost Pride

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 8 – The Face of Lost Pride**

The next few days were hard on both of them, despite attempts to 'get back to normal'. Cloud remained cold and distant, and Zack felt the strain keeping up appearances. They ate dinner in silence over Cloud's small dining table in the kitchen area. It was pasta, and the only sound that filled the room was quiet chewing and the occasional scrape of cutlery on plate.

Finally Cloud said, "I met Vincent today…he still wants me to go to Germany."

Zack chewed slowly giving himself time to think, before swallowing. "Oh yeah?"

"I think I might as well go." Cloud looked up at Zack across from him, hoping for some kind of reaction from the other man.

Zack kept his eyes firmly on his food, despite his dis-interest in it. His heart was sinking though. "That's going to be so cool." He looked up at Cloud, giving him his best grin.

Neither of them was going to say anymore for now, and they continued eating finishing their meal. Zack picked up a cotton napkin wiping his mouth. Can you believe they'd bothered to set the table?

"I leave by the end of the month." Cloud said eventually.

That did manage to get a bit of shock from Zack. "A month? That's really soon." Far sooner than he'd been expecting, he didn't even know if that was enough time to sort out this unease between them.

"Yeah, I'll need to stop my lease, pack things into storage, sell the piano…" Cloud told him standing to clear the crockery.

"Sell your piano? But you paid a fortune for it…" Zack asked too stunned to get up.

"Where else would I put it. I don't trust leaving it in a storage locker." Cloud asked with an apathetic shrug, moving everything to the sink to start washing up.

Zack thought for a while, before getting up to go stand behind Cloud. "How about my place?" He really didn't want Cloud to sell that piano…it had so many memories for them, and if he kept it, it'd be like keeping a hold of a little part of Cloud.

Cloud had stopped cleaning dishes, but didn't look behind him. Zack was standing close, if he leaned back slightly they'd be touching. "What would you want with a piano…" he asked.

"Well, I dunno, maybe I'd learn to play or something…" Zack tried to rationalize his offer. "Like rent, it can stay in my place if I can use it."

Cloud seemed to be thinking, before he shrugged his shoulders again, his attention going back to the dishes. "If you really want."

"Yeah…" The dark haired man said quietly, his eyes on the short blond hair that laid on the back of the younger man's neck. Normally if Cloud was washing up, he'd be holding him from behind, laughing, trying to distract him, a little game that lead to sex.

This time, he put his hand on Cloud's shoulder, and felt the muscles there tighten. He couldn't resist it, he leaned forward to kiss the soft skin of his neck slowly.

But Cloud pulled away. "Stop." Was all he said, quietly.

Zack withdrew respectfully, feeling guilty knowing he was hurting Cloud. It was his own fault anyway, with his current attitude he'd just cemented himself as an ass trying to get laid.

So he helped dry and put dishes away. He was torn between staying and trying to make the most of his time with Cloud, but the unease just made it unbearable anyway.

Zack tried to start a conversation in a positive light. "You'll be gone a year right?"

"Two years, possibly more." Cloud said without enthusiasm.

"Oh…" Zack's shoulders sank, and he looked down at the floor. He couldn't help it, he pulled Cloud against him. "You'll have a great time." He needed the contact just as much as Cloud.

Cloud closed his eyes relenting this time, his head pressed against Zack's shoulder, accepting the platonic gesture. Anything more intimate was too much though, it would only serve to deepen the hurt he felt. Zack's words of comfort did little to convince him though.

~*~

The days counted down, and Cloud had busied himself in preparation. It was all an expense; his savings had been nearly wiped out over the past few months of no income. But Vincent was paying for his plane ticket, and his stipend was generous enough so he wouldn't need to worry about money when he got there.

He'd sold most of his furniture, the only things moved into Zack's apartment was his bookshelf and piano. Getting the piano movers in was a headache, selling his digital piano had only just covered the expense of a few feet. Zack had asked, 'how hard can it be?' but no, even moving it from one room to another was not an easy task for a 6 foot baby grand.

Zack had insisted having it though, promising to look after it keeping the temperature and humidity right to stop the wood warping and ruining it. But Cloud didn't care at this point, he was practically giving the yamaha to him. He'd even had it retuned after the move. Maybe that girl would be impressed with it, he thought bitterly.

The final night with Cloud's apartment empty, he had stayed with Zack though. Secretly neither slept, with their backs to each other in the double bed the entire night.

Zack was up ready for work, and Cloud nursed a coffee, his suitcase packed and waiting. But the atmosphere was heavy between them.

"You sure you don't want me to go with you?" Zack asked, putting his dark diesel jacket with the modern strap details on over his work outfit of shit and tie.

Cloud shook his head. He wouldn't be able to stand the cheerful encouragements and goodbyes from Zack as he got on a plane to Europe.

Zack put his hands on his hips, he should be going to work but he didn't want to. "Well, you'll get online right, email and stuff. And I'll call you when I can…"

And it didn't make the fact Cloud was going away for a long time feel any better. Cloud remained emotionless too, staring into the bottom of his coffee.

"So…this is it…" Zack finally said, delaying the moment he had to leave. A fuck it, he went over to Cloud and pulled him up into a tight hug. "You take care ok. You've been a great buddy." It was the truth, only part of it though.

Zack lingered a bit longer in the contact than his 'friends' pretence dictated, and he tried to make the hug more manly by slapping Cloud on the back before letting go.

"Have a safe flight. And become a star." The taller man said walking backwards towards the door, he smiled and waved his hand, turning to let himself out. On the other side he allowed his face to drop, and he put his forehead on the door.

His hand still held the handle, and he wasn't sure he could do this.

Back inside the apartment, Cloud was left feeling numb and confused. He didn't want to go, but apparently Zack didn't want him to stay. He went over to the piano, and sat at it. He hadn't played since the competition, but this was his goodbye to it. He lifted the keys and played for what could be the last time. Ryuichi Sakamoto's Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. A modern composer, it was sad and filled with longing. But as he built up to the stronger determined melody he thought, if Zack wanted him to be famous, then he'd try to be the most famous damn pianist there was. Even if it killed him. Maybe then he'd be good enough for Zack.

Zack was distracted by the sounds coming from the other side of the door, and his thoughts stopped to listen. Through the playing he realized how sad Cloud must be, it was a haunting tune but it was best for both of them. His resolve grew with the build of the song. He listened until Cloud had finished, and let go of the handle under his grasp. If he went back in, or went with him to the airport he wouldn't be able to go through with this and would ruin Cloud's career, a future with stability and recognition of his talent.

~*~

Zack checked the wall clock on the office wall for the billionth time. Cloud should be checking in about now, he thought to himself.

He tapped his pen against the desk in a restless rhythm. The phone rang, and he ignored it, letting someone else pick it up.

Could he really let things go like this? Was it really necessary?

He'd gone through the reasons a billion times, but it didn't help. He felt terrible, and knew Cloud would be feeling terrible too.

His eyes flicked to the clock again, 2 minutes had passed since he had last seen it and he thought of a check in desk lady going through the security spiel to a glum looking Cloud.

Zack pushed himself away from the desk, jumping up to put his jacket on. He couldn't go through with it; he needed to tell Cloud he'd wait for him no matter how long he was gone.

"Wedge!" He called to the next cubical, patting his pockets to check his wallet was there.

"Yeah?" Called a voice.

"I've got a personal emergency, don't let the server crash." He said as he rushed past and bolted for the elevator.

He ran out the glass doors of the main entrance, thinking about his choices. Taking a train would require hanging around and connections to get the express to the airport, he didn't know if he had time.

"Taxi!" He called nearly getting run over trying to hail a cab. Luckily it stopped in time with Zack's hands on the bonnet, and he moved around to jump into the back. "The airport, and a big tip if you get there before 2.30." He told the driver, who nodded, and they zoomed off through the mid day traffic.

Zack found his phone in his inside pocket, trying to dial Cloud's number. He pressed it to the ear, waiting for a ringing tone. Instead there was a message saying the phone was out of service or switched off. "Fuck." He cursed aloud shutting it closed in frustration.

"Got a plane to catch?" The driver asked, their eyes making contact through the rear view mirror.

"No." Zack said settling back for what was going to be the longest taxi ride of his life. "I need to tell someone something."

"Ah a girl." The driver said understandingly.

Oh the awkwardness of pronouns. "Something like that…"

"Pretty?"

Zack sighed, "Blond hair, the clearest blue eyes ever…and the gentlest, most talented person I've ever met." Man Zack you've got it bad, he thought.

The driver whistled as they made a turn, "I guess you can see why you're spending over $100 on a ride to the airport."

"Believe me, that's nothing compared to what I'm about to loose." Zack said looking out the window to watch the city go by.

When they stopped outside the airport, Zack threw a wad of money between the front seats and jumped out the car. "Good luck." He heard called behind him, but he was in a hurry.

He sprinted into the terminal building, dodging people and luggage trolleys heading towards departures. His shoes squealed on the marble like floor as he stopped in front of a departures board, checking over the digital display frantically.

AA1890F BERLIN 1505 Departure Gate 14.

Shit, he checked his watch. They'd be boarding soon. He took off as fast as he could heading towards the departures lounge. It was a big international airport, and when he got there, there was a line of people waiting to go through security.

Fuck he didn't have time. He went to the security guards, "Please I know this is crazy but there's someone in there I need to talk to!"

The security regarded him wirily. "Please get into line and have your passport and boarding pass ready Sir."

"I don't have a boarding pass." Zack told them, people in the line getting annoyed at the hold up.

"Then you can't go into departures." One told him stonily, and the other turned away to talk on a walkie-talkie.

"Then go get him or tanoy him or something! Come on please this is urgent!" Zack told them with no doubt looking like a madman, and trying to push past them.

"Calm down Sir." A few more security had joined them, and they blocked him from getting through the gate.

"For fucks sake I'm not a terrorist! I just need to talk to someone!" Zack said without thinking.

There was a hush in the vicinity, and Zack realized he'd just said he had said the 2nd worst word to use in an airport ever, only topped by bomb. It was then he felt a tackle from behind, and all the breath was knocked out of him as he was pinned to the floor with his arms twisted painfully behind his back.

Several people were holding him down, and he felt tight metal close around his wrists. When he looked up he saw two armed police men in bullet proof vests holding machine guns. When had they arrived on the scene?

There had been a terrible mistake, and now Zack stilled, letting his head rest back down against the floor, last thing he needed was resisting arrest.

Security seemed satisfied with his co-operation, and hauled him up to stand on his feet.

The police men looked him up and down, "To the station for you." And they prodded his arm to lead him away.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Looked back at the departures area beyond the metal detectors and xray machines. Cloud was somewhere there, somewhere he couldn't see. "CLOUD STRIFE!" He shouted, trying to jump to see above the people, to the doors that lead to the lounge. "I LOVE YOU!!" Hoping through some miracle Cloud could hear him, before he was shoved on by a police man, the crowds that had gathered parting for the crazy man like the red sea.

Cloud however was far far away at the departure gate, getting ready to board and handing his boarding pass to a stewardess. It was too late to hear Zack's declaration.

~*~

Zack busted out of the double front doors of the police station, closely tailed by Aerith.

"I never thought I'd be bailing you out of jail."

Zack gave her a withering look. "You did not bail me out, I was not even arrested. You just came to verify I'm just a love sick faggot rather than a fundamental extremist." He looked through his pockets for his cigarettes, and pulling one out. "I was only cautioned." He said around a cigarette between his lips. Now where the hell was his lighter…

"Ok, but you've got to tell me what happened? Like were you shouting and screaming?!" She asked following him closely as they walked away from the airport police station for the long walk back to the station. It was dusk already, the days getting longer at this time of year.

Zack found his lighter finally, and lit his cigarette to take a deep puff he had so desperately needed. "No I was not! Well I shouted a bit but they wouldn't let me through…" This sounded obvious now, after a few hours in a holding cell.

"Right, now about this guy…" Aerith asked.

"His name is Cloud…" Zack told her, she had done him a big favour coming all the way down here, and he supposed he should tell her everything. "And he's gone to study abroad for two years, he's a pianist, a great one."

Aerith wanted details. "So you were going to beg him not to go??"

Zack made a face, "I couldn't do that…I mean this could lead to so many great things for him…I just wanted him to know that I…" He trailed off, homosexual he may be but that didn't make talking about intimate feelings any easier. "…will be waiting."

"That's so romantic." Aerith looped her arm around his, rather enamoured by the idea.

Zack took a pull on his cigarette, unable to bring his eyes off the floor. "Not really, I've been a dick to him the past few weeks because I didn't want him to not go just for me, I'd just hold him back…"

"Ah a martyr too." She commented, he got the impression from her tone she thought he had been stupid.

He stopped in his tracks, and looked at her, cigarette burning between his fingertips. "Do you think he'll forgive me? I mean when he comes back, do you think I can get him back?"

The young woman tilted her head a bit considering her answer. "I hope so."

That hadn't been a very encouraging answer, especially from such a die hard romantic like Aerith. He tossed the cigarette butt into the gutter in annoyance. "I'm fucked no matter what I do." He'd just imposed two years of agony on himself; with no guarantee Cloud would still feel the same when he came back, whenever that was.

To Be Continued

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence – Ryuichi Sakamoto_

_Author Notes:_

_Thanks for the kind reviews, I wrote this quick (well it's my weekend anyway, what else am I going to do?) cos angsty cliffhangers are unfair no :x_

_MOAR angst sorry…but…next part…well you may want to read that it if you got this far, you know what I mean. Don't give up yet!_

_Ah an airport scene..don't worry it's supposed to be tipping into absurdity, some VERY dry humour in there :o_

_I think Zack would look hot in diesel…… /irrelevance_


	9. Fulfilled Desire

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (nothing explicit)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 9 – Fulfilled Desire**

Cloud came back to his empty dorm room, setting his book bag on the desk. He spent every moment in the practice rooms, until it was late or he was kicked out. There was little else to do but throw himself into the music.

To put it lightly, he hated every moment of the past 6 months. Everything was so hard and cold here, the architecture, climate, language, people. Everything so ordered and clinical. Except for queues, no one had a concept of waiting in line.

Sure the city was beautiful, full of history and gothic culture…but he had little interest in that.

His German was crap, making everything more difficult. He took lessons provided by the school, but it was just another thing to worry about. He could muddle through day to day things, and personal music lessons were fine because the tutors could more or less speak English. Group lectures however were pointless, he skipped most of them in favour of practicing on his own or just slept in the corner.

The other students, they were all brilliant, musical geniuses. There were even a few kids sitting next to him in class, and their natural ability far surpassed him, even though he had been playing TWICE as long as they had been alive. Some of them had perfect pitch for crying out loud, that just didn't seem fair.

Being thrown back into student life was proving tough as well; he'd had two years of working life, with the freedom of time and money that brought. He'd gotten used to unstructured practice. He played what he liked when he liked, he'd played to make Zack happy but that all changed here.

He didn't socialise, so he practiced mechanically everything that had been set, and drilled himself with scales and other such monotonous things for hours at a time. He was improving, but he felt himself far below the standard of everyone else, and it was impossible to catch up at this rate.

Cloud sat down setting the can of soda to the side with his dinner, and a shop sandwich. He couldn't even cook for himself without going to the shared kitchen and having the chance of being forced to engage with someone.

He rolled his neck and shoulders trying to work out the cramps from sitting at the piano so long. Cloud opened his laptop waiting for it to start up while he pulled out today's theory work. It gave him a headache just looking at it.

There was a beep and he looked up to see he had a message.

_PuppyDog_Zack: yo, back late?_

Cloud abandoned the work pushing it aside to type at the computer. Despite the frostiness of their departure, Zack had persistently kept contact, and that one life line kept him sane.

_Cloud S.: Yeah._

Nearly instantly there was a reply.

_PuppyDog_Zack: Practicing late?_

_Cloud S.: Yes. Why aren't you at work?_

_PuppyDog_Zack: Went in early to work on the server this morning, so I came home early._

_Cloud S.: Ah…_

Cloud stared at his lame replies, but that didn't seem to put the other man off.

_PuppyDog_Zack: Got time for a call?_

Cloud stared at the message for what seemed like a long time, before typing.

_Cloud S.: Sure. Call in a minute._

He got off from his chair to find his land line phone buried somewhere beneath some text books and notes. He grabbed his sandwich and drink bringing it all onto his hard dorm bed to wait for the call. He started eating his dinner, thinking back to not long after he'd arrived. After he'd gotten connected to the internet Zack had emailed him, and then one night when the time zones were right they'd been able to chat. Finally Zack had asked for his phone number to call.

He'd been surprised at the request, but found himself unable to refuse. Zack had seemed so…normal, chatting away asking about Germany, the school…but just his voice was reassuring, he hadn't been instantly forgotten the moment he'd left.

When the phone finally rang he picked it up. "Hi." He said announcing himself.

"Hi." Zack replied on the other end of the international line, they were lucky it was a clear one. "How you doing?" He asked.

"Tired." Cloud replied, finishing what was left of food so he could lie down and talk comfortably.

"Working hard?"

"Yeah…" Cloud trailed off, he was working hard because there was nothing else to focus on, apart from becoming famous because Zack wanted him to.

Cloud rolled onto his side, a silence had fallen between them as frequently did. The younger man listened carefully and he was sure he heard a sigh on the other end of the line.

"You're taking care of yourself right?" Zack asked in what Cloud thought might be genuine concern.

"I just ate dinner." If that answered Zack's question.

"Well…good." Another silence and Cloud felt his eyes drooping slightly. He'd never have the courage to end the call though, and once when he had admitted to wasting Zack's money with his silences the other man told him not to care, he was calling through the internet so the cost was negligible apparently. Be as silent as you want, Zack had told him.

Curled up on the bed with the phone clutched to his ear was the closest he could get to those nights he spent curled up against Zack.

"Cloud…" Zack's voice woke him up a bit.

"Yeah?" The blond asked blinking himself awake a bit.

"You have holidays coming up next month right?" Zack asked cautiously.

That woke Cloud up fully, and he rolled onto his back his arm draped across his eyes. "Yeah, but no money to go back." He'd be Harry fucking Potter in the dorms at that time of year.

"Well…" Zack seemed a bit reluctant to say his idea. "How about I come to you?"

Cloud's stomach flip flopped. "What?"

"Well I've never been to Europe, it'd be cool…" Zack tried to make out that was the reason.

There was another pause between them, but this time it was because he was thinking. He'd remembered the hurt he'd felt the last time they'd been together, the awkwardness.

But time was a wonderful healer, and if there was anyone he wanted to see it was Zack. He'd go through the pain of separation again if it meant he could see him. "Sure." He told Zack softly.

You could hear the relief through the phone line, "Ah great! Email me your holiday dates and I'll book the right time off and get tickets and stuff…" Zack chatted away sounding more than a little excited.

Truth was Cloud was as well. "I will." A chance to see Zack, it seemed unreal after the last 6 months. His fingers tightened around the phone trying to contain his anticipation.

Zack talked some about his plans, before drifting onto work, computer games…it was a largely one sided conversation but he was in a good mood. Cloud listened to his voice, his eyes falling shut again. He really was tired again, and he drifted asleep.

When the occasional murmured responses stopped coming from the phone, Zack stopped his talking and listened to the even breathing that told him Cloud was asleep. He sighed, and leaned back on his chair to stare up at the ceiling. He listened some more, before saying softly, "Good night Cloud…" and hung up.

He spun around on his computer chair, grinning to himself. He was going to see Cloud again, and he couldn't wait.

~*~

Cloud sat in the hotel lobby, wringing his hands unconsciously. It was the festive season, so naturally it was busy. Today should be the day Zack arrived, a whole two weeks to be with him. He could hardly believe it was happening, almost too easily. He'd half expected Zack to cancel, something better coming up, it being too expensive or something. But it was finally happening.

For some reason Zack had told him not to bother meeting him at the airport, saying he wasn't keen on them as meeting places. Just to wait in the hotel lobby.

He'd been surprised at Zack's choice of hotel, was plush and comfortable more than a business hotel that was for sure. He'd be paying quite a lot for it, goodness knows how much the entire trip was costing him.

Cloud had arrived early, and managed to snag a chair facing the main entrance. Finding a track on his music player he rested his hands on his knees, closing his eyes to play along with the music as he waited. It was Bach's f minor fugue #12, one of his many assignments for the holidays. He was really getting sick of Bach and his polyphonic melodies…

Zack's flight had arrived early, and he'd made good time with transfers and connections. He'd taken a taxi to the hotel, and came in pulling his luggage along with him. He was tired, but that was over ridden with excitement and nerves.

He hoped to god Cloud would be happy to see him; he'd thought he'd never agree to seeing him in the first place. But his persistence had kept him in Cloud's life, even if it was the dreaded 'just friends'. It was better than nothing.

Zack had gone to the check in desk where he was handed a key, and he turned to find the elevator. But his eyes fixed on a familiar figure on one of the lobby chair and his heart jumped. It was Cloud, he was here already.

Nervously he went closer to Cloud, whom hadn't noticed him because he had his eyes closed. He was wearing earphones, and his fingers twitched to a rhythm on his knees. He was lost in a world practicing in his head.

Zack crept up, and leaned over reaching for an ear phone wire. He tugged on it dislodging it, saying "Hey" softly to make his presence known above the tinny sounding music from the ear phone.

Cloud's eyes snapped open, and there was Zack smiling down at him. Neither knew how they'd react meeting again, but Cloud done what first came to mind. He flung his arms around Zack's shoulders, bringing him down further for and inescapable hug. Cloud buried his face into Zack's shoulder, squeezing his eyes tight shut, afraid the figure would vanish from before him.

Zack was surprised at the strength of Cloud's reaction, and he hesitated, telling himself he should keep his distance still. But he could allow Cloud this at least, and he slid his arms around Cloud's narrow form. He'd lost weight, he noted to himself before sighing and closing his eyes and turning his head to smell the blond hair.

Reluctantly Zack pulled away, but they were in a crowded lobby. "Come on, lets go to my room." He said straightening to pick his hand luggage up.

Cloud nodded and followed Zack, helping him push along his suit case. They reached Zack's room and the older man let them in with the keycard. It was a nice room with a double bed, and he left his stuff by the door.

They were looking around, not sure how to start with each other. As usual Zack broke the ice. "Not bad hey." He commented about the décor.

Cloud nodded in agreement, words seem to be lost on him. Zack breathed out, "I feel gross from the plane, I'm going to take a shower, make yourself at home." He flung open the suitcase, grabbing some spare clothes and disappearing into the bathroom, and soon the sounds of running water started.

Cloud sat down on the edge of the bed idly looking around. What must have been the quickest shower in history Zack re-emerged in slacks and a loose shirt, his wet hair pushed back and hanging down his back.

He grinned at Cloud, and went over to tackle him down in a hug. "I haven't seen you in over 6 months you know!"

Cloud allowed himself to fall with the tackle, laying on his back with Zack's arms around him. It wasn't sexual, Zack seemed content with just the contact, feeling the real body next to his. "I know…" he said softly, looking up at the ceiling. "Did you miss me…?" he asked.

Zack was torn for a moment, should he tell him? But he didn't want to lie, "Yes I did." More than anything. He didn't want to ask Cloud the same question, he knew the answer and hearing it from the horses mouth would only be painful.

Cloud closed his eyes with the answer, accepting the security Zack offered at this moment. The older man looked at still face, blond strands of hair falling over it. Cloud looked exhausted and drained. "Cloud…" he asked, pushing some hair away from the pianist's face. "You can stay with me here tonight..." When the blue eyes flicked open to look at Zack, he quickly added, "I mean, it's late so why go back to your dorm…" He felt guilty knowing what it must sound like, "I don't mean sex just…you look tired." He was making a mess of this.

The steely blue stare seemed to be trying to read his soul. "I am tired." Cloud admitted.

"I am too, jet lag is a bitch, I've been dead on my feet for the past 6 hours I can't really hold much of a conversation right now." Zack laughed softly. But god he wanted to talk.

"Then…lets sleep." Cloud agreed, sitting up to start tugging his clothes off, until he was down to his t-shirt and briefs. Zack got up to turn the lights off before joining Cloud under the bed covers in darkness.

Zack remembered their last night together, wondering if it'd be like that again. But he needn't have worried, for he felt sinewy fingers find his own and intertwine with them. Then when he felt the smaller man curl up under his chin, he threw his other arm around him. It'd be a matter of moments before he was asleep, but he'd not let go of Cloud for the rest of the night.

~*~

Cloud stirred in the bed, his hand reaching out and feeling nothing. He sat up in confusion, only to see Zack had already dressed, and was sitting at the small dining table with his feet up on the other chair. He had a hand held game system, and the remnants of a continental breakfast lay before him. Zack's eyes flicked to the movement on the bed before going back to his game. "Yo, you slept like a log, it's like nearly noon. Sorry I got hungry and ordered breakfast. Coffee's cold now though."

Cloud untangled himself from the sheets and padded over to the table, sitting on the chair Zack had just taken his feet off to make room for him. The older man tutted, he'd obviously lost and switched the game system off in annoyance.

The blond man reached for the coffee, and sipped it regardless of it being cold. Zack laughed, "Man you're still not human until you've had your first cup are you. But dude you up for doing something today?"

Cloud swallowed the black coffee. "Sure…"

They did touristy things, saw the Thomaskirche where Bach was a canon, before finding a Christmas market, where they sampled much hot spiced gluhwein. Then Zack wanted to try German beers, and it was late by the time they rolled back into the hotel. They were both buzzed.

Cloud had been quiet, but Zack talked enough for both of them. Like old times really. They stumbled together along the hall way, Zack laughing for no reason then trying to silence himself. The question of whether Cloud wanted to stay at the hotel never came up, at some point it became a given.

Zack finally managed to find the card key, and they both tumbled in removing coats and scarves. "Man it's cold here Cloudy."

The other man made a face at the new nickname. "Cloudy?" The beer having loosened his tongue a bit.

"Yeah…Cloudy…" Zack laughed again falling onto the bed. "I wondered lonely as a Cloudy…" His words were muffled by the mattress.

Cloud joined him, crawling over to lay on his side. He watched Zack, watched him breath in and out in a regular rhythm.

"Thank you…" He said eventually. "Thank you for coming…"

When Zack turned his head to look at Cloud, some of the joviality had left his face. He knew that no matter how good it felt right now, that was going to come to an end in two weeks, and he hated to think what it was going to Cloud. So this trip was entirely selfish, but he needed to see him. "It was nothing." He said a bit guiltily.

No, it really was everything to Cloud. He reached out to brush away the black strand that hung over Zack's face, his hair had gotten longer in the time he hadn't seen him. Then his fingers trailed down his face, brushing over his cheek.

Zack seemed unable to move, and Cloud's fingers threaded into the strands at the back of his head, so he could finally draw him closer for a kiss.

It took a second for Zack to respond, before his eyes fluttered closed and he allowed the soft kiss. His arm slid around under Cloud's arm, and their kisses deepened, tasting the left over bitterness of the earlier beers.

It would have been far too easy to get carried away, and Zack broke the kiss their noses pressed together still. "Cloud…" He said unable to look at his face, instead focusing somewhere down on their chests. "You don't need to do this…"

They still held each other, and Cloud wasn't going to let go just yet. "And if I want to?"

Zack's blue eyes flicked up to meet Cloud's, only to see that lost pleading look he was so weak to. He cupped Cloud's face with both hands and pressed their lips back together, and they kissed hungrily, as if they had to make up for lost time.

It had really been far too long, too many unfulfilled nights of longing. Clothes were removed, and bodies explored again as if for the first time. There was an intensity and passion to their movements, that hadn't been there with their carefree nights of casual sex, which might as well have been a life time ago.

They both found their release, and lay there together sweaty and dirty. Cloud was nestled up against his chest, and he'd fallen asleep again. The guilt kept Zack awake longer, as he realized the danger they were both in. Things had changed from those care free days, and he wanted to tell Cloud how he felt, but he couldn't say those words, then leave. That would be cruelest of all.

To Be Continued

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_f minor fugue #12 – Bach (As mentioned Bach was a canon in Leipzig, hence why Cloud is sick of him)_

_Author Notes:_

_Woah, not so angsty after all? The quiet before the storm? Really quite fluffy considering the last few chapters…but come on, they both really like each other so how could they stay away?_

_Oh and totally nothing against Germany, I lived there for 3 years which was the reason why I chose it._

_Fulfilled desire…urgh THE theme on uplifting strings, the crescendo, the emotional guitar slides!!...it's so THEM yaknow?! (…um excuse me raving on more of the CC OST)_

_Next part may be a bit shorter, so will be up in a few days. Thanks for reading and the reviews! They help these chapters flying out, I admit it!_


	10. The Burden of Truth

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)_

_Oh, and STRONG LIME for this part._

_Rating: M – sexual themes (__not so explicit…)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 10 – Burden of Truth**

The week leading up to Christmas they were inseparable, like they were friends on holiday. Either they were wondering the city, hopping bars or holed up in the hotel room. On the surface the flavor of old times had been recaptured, but as the days went by the undercurrent of dread increased. Each moment that went by would be another moment closer to Zack leaving.

But it was Christmas day, and there was nothing to do to keep them occupied. Everything was closed, so Zack had come up with the idea of going to see Cloud's dormitory. The younger man had been reluctant at first, but Zack had insisted, and Cloud remembered he had a present for Zack waiting there anyway.

So he took him over to the halls of residence not far from the conservatory. It's where most of the international students stayed, and Cloud found it convenient. It would be too much of a hassle and expense finding his own place.

The old guard on duty just waved them through. Cloud was much older so it wasn't like he was some 16 year old taking a girl up to their room. As they walked the deserted corridors, their footsteps echoed. "Is there really no one else around?" Zack asked, closely following the other man.

"There might be one or two people in the east wing…most people have gone home or on holiday." Who in their right mind would stay in this place? Well, Cloud would have if Zack hadn't come to see him. "This one." He told Zack taking out his key to let them in.

He opened the door and it was so typically student like. Enough room for a bed, desk, wardrobe, and little else. Text books and binders of notes lay in neat piles on the floor, where there hadn't been enough room on the desk or bookshelf. Zack knew that'd be pissing Cloud off, he was much more tidy than himself.

"Man this takes me back!" The dark haired man said still looking around."It's cozy."

"I wouldn't go that far..." Cloud huffed sitting on the hard bed. He missed his old apartment; it was open, spacious, clean and quiet. He had no apartment back home now, what he hadn't sold was in Zack's place.

Zack jumped onto the bed, crawling behind him to roll onto his back and stare up at the ceiling, arms folded behind his head. He wanted to see what Cloud had stared at for the past 6 months. "You need a Che Guevara poster though, and a dime bag hidden about somewhere." He thought for a moment, "You don't have one do you?" Holland was just like...right OVER THERE, somewhere.

Cloud just shook his head didn't look back to the voice behind him, "What did you do in Collage?"

"Mmm…" Zack thought hard trying to recall the hazy memories. "I drank, fucked, smoked pot, played sports and video games…and not a lot of study really. Typical student I guess."

Very different to Cloud's experience, for the most part he'd been studying, practicing, and playing trying to live up to Sephiroth's standards. "I wish I had done those kind of things…" Cloud sighed.

Zack sat up, "Oh come on you don't really miss four years of brain damage."

Cloud's shoulder's shrugged gently, "Sounds fun."

"It seemed it at the time, but you're doing something really…worth while. Like, you can make a difference to people's lives." He had to his own after all.

The younger man looked down beneath his hair, "You seem to have done ok…"

Zack tilted his head to the side and back trying to think how to answer that, "I got lucky, but if I wasn't doing it a million other people could. But no one can be you Cloud."

Zack was sorely over estimating his abilities once again, Cloud thought.

The dark haired man could see how sour the conversation had become, and he leaned over onto his shoulder. "Hey isn't it Christmas today? I want to give my present now."

He nodded slowly, Cloud was curious what Zack had gotten him, and he turned to bring his knee up onto the bed so he could see Zack.

Seeing that the blond was ready, Zack sat up digging through his pockets. He pulled one of Cloud's hands towards him, and covered it with his own. When he pulled his hand away a small velvet box was now sitting there. "Open it." He told him.

Cloud uncertainly prized the jewelry box apart, and inside nestled in velvet was a silver ring. He looked closer, and along the wide band was a stylistic engraving off a wolf.

Zack was studying Cloud's face closely, trying to judge his reaction. Rings were gifts heavy in symbolism, and he hadn't wanted it to be mis-interpreted. Or interpreted correctly as the case may be. But the first time he'd seen it, it reminded him of Cloud. It was an impulse buy, and after he'd gotten home he realized what he'd brought. But he wanted Cloud to wear it, so against better judgment he'd given it to him.

"Pretty cool huh? The wolf." Zack said trying coax a reaction out of Cloud, who was still staring at it dumbly. The moment of truth, "Try it on, your hands are a bit smaller than mine…"

Cloud reached in and plucked it from the case, and tried it on his left hand. It fit most comfortably on his middle finger and he left it there, looking at how it sat there. "Thanks." He said quietly.

"Looks good. Man I don't even remember you wearing much jewelry, so you don't have to wear it if you don't want to." Zack tried to play down the gift. "And that's part one of your Christmas gift."

Cloud's eyes looked up from his hand. "There's more?"

Zack grinned, showing off his straight teeth, "Well, not really a gift per say…but you'll like it I think."

Cloud's brow furrowed slightly in confusion. "What is it?"

Zack had a rather devious look on his face as he got off the bed, to get on his knees in front of Cloud. The younger man only realized what was going on when Zack went for the belt buckle of his jeans. "W-wait!" He said stopping Zack's hands with his own to stop their actions. He'd always been way too embarrassed to receive oral sex from Zack. It just seemed a bit…gross? Weird? For what ever reason he had a hang up about receiving pleasure when he didn't know Zack would be getting anything from it himself. Any attempts before from Zack was met with blushing and stubborn refusal.

From his position between Cloud's knees Zack looked up and pouted. "Come on, let me do this…" God he had wanted to do this from Day 1, Cloud could have had him blowing him from under the piano if he'd let him. You are a Grade-A-Slut, Zack reminded himself.

With how things were at the moment, Cloud couldn't deny much to Zack right now, and his hands left the other man's. Zack's smile widened again and he pushed Cloud back onto the bed. "Just relax and enjoy it." He told him going back down to unwrap his present from it's jean cloth gift wrapping.

Cloud stared up at the ceiling, breathing hard as he felt himself exposed, and the warm wet mouth covering him. Zack used every trick in his book to draw it out, teasing the other man. When a certain move made Cloud jerk to cover his mouth to stop any sound escaping Zack had to resist the urge to chuckle.

Finally he'd teased too much when he felt Cloud tense under him, and he greedily swallowed the release. He crawled next to Cloud, looking at his flushed panting face with amusement. "So cute." He told the blond man.

Cloud looked at the other man, unable to give a retort to that right at this moment. Zack told him, propped up on one elbow. "It's like the first time we did it…you seemed surprised at what would happen."

The blond man hid under his hair embarrassed. He'd been a virgin before he met Zack, and it must have been obvious despite his attempts to cover it. The first time they'd had sex he'd been lost but Zack slowly guided him every step of the way.

And Zack was slowly realizing, Cloud was the first person he'd made love to. Sure, he'd fucked a hell of a lot but, it had only started to mean more than just getting off when he was with Cloud. He let Cloud enjoy his post-orgasmic glow, and drew slow patterns on the other man's chest with his fingers.

Cloud did eventually come back down to earth, and sat up. "I suppose I should give you your present now…" Although considering the value of the ring it seemed paltry in comparison.

"Yes yes, give me my present now." Zack was sitting up now, looking like an excited puppy.

Cloud went to a draw, and pulled out a CDR from it. He turned back to hand over the clear CD case to Zack. The dark haired man turned it over in his hands, "Um…what is it?" German porn?

Cloud looked embarrassed, "A CD I made…I played some stuff I thought you'd like and recorded it." He'd managed to use some of the schools recording suits so the quality wasn't terrible. The idea being since he wasn't around to play any more Zack could listen to the CD. It was a stupid gift really.

But on the contrary to Cloud's throughts Zack smiled at the CD in his hands. "This is awesome Cloud! I want to hear." He stood to put it into Cloud's laptop to listen when he stopped. "But why listen to a CD when I've got the real thing here?" He said looking at Cloud.

"Huh?"

"There must be a piano somewhere; this is a fancy music school after all." Zack reasoned.

"Well…" Cloud, "There's one practice room in the dormitory…"

"Deal!" Zack left the CD on the desk and pulled Cloud towards the door. "Lead the way maestro!"

Even though Cloud had no choice, he really didn't mind. It was just like before in his apartment, Zack always leading him to the piano asking him to play. And who else wanted to listen to him for the sheer enjoyment?

Cloud lead him down to the first floor, where towards the back in a side room was a small practice room. It was usually hard to use it, so he usually played in the practice rooms of the main school. But it was holidays, and no one was around.

The younger man closed the sound proofed door behind him. The room was eerily silent from any outside noise.

A lone walnut Yamaha parlor grand sat in the small room, and he took a piano bench with Zack taking the one next to him. It was a much older piano than his own, but it had been kept in good condition and had a warm sound.

He hesitated opening the keys, despite how much practice and lessons he'd had it was like playing after a long break. Zack opened the keys for him. "So play something from the CD, I want to hear." Listening to Cloud play was like listening to his soul.

Cloud's hair floated in the air with the movement of his head as he tried to think. Finally, he put his hands on the keys, and started to play a slow melody, which turned into a very familiar theme played at a very gentle tempo.

Zack listened, eyes narrowed thinking, he definitely knew this. His mouth fell open when he realized. "Holy shit…that's the Tetris theme!"

"Korobeiniki…" Cloud told him.

"No, it's definitely the Tetris theme." Zack said matter of fact.

Cloud resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "…the Tetris theme IS Korobeiniki." He took a breath. "Now be quiet I need to concentrate on the next bit."

He played the fiddly bridge, and he launched into the main melody, only at a much faster pace, furious in fact. His head bobbed with the movement over the keys, the spirit of the soviet captured so well the red square could have been outside the window.

Cloud finished off with the fail sound effect, and sat back taking a breath.

Zack was in awe. Now this was music he knew about and Cloud had played it perfectly. "You know if the Mario theme is on that CD, you've earned a life time of oral sex." He said in all seriousness.

Cloud stared wide eyed at the other end of the room, before bringing his head down to cover his face with both hands, hiding under blond strands.

Zack looked at him, eyebrows rising at the odd gesture. "Cloud?"

Cloud didn't move, and Zack tried to peer under the hair. "What's up?" He asked.

Still nothing, the younger man sat there frozen.

"Cloud…" He said reaching up to take a wrist. It did not come down easily; Cloud's arms were locked tight against his body. "Look at me." He said firmly, and finally had to use some force pulling both wrists away from his face.

When he saw Cloud's face he realized his eyes were red and he had started crying, that's what he'd been trying to hide. But now Zack could see the dam broke and the younger man let out a strangled cry.

"I hate it here! I hate music and I hate piano!" Cloud shouted out, he struggled against Zack's hold on his wrists, and he broke down into pathetic sobs. Just playing an old Russian folk tune had been the most enjoyable experience in all his time here, it felt like it was the only time he had really put his heart into some music rather than going through the motions and trying to fake it.

Zack looked at Cloud's clenched fists, at the ring on his middle finger, their knuckles turning white. He looked at Cloud's face, half hidden by hair as tears dripped from his cheeks to their locked hands. He was shocked, he'd never seen such an outburst of emotion from Cloud. When ever Cloud was upset, he'd always retreated behind a wall of stoicism, or played the piano. But it had gone too far for that now.

Had he done this? Was this his fault? What could he do?

What should he do?

To Be Continued

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_Tetris Theme/Korobeiniki (…there are a lot of bad versions of this on youtube, if you're going to search look for 'The really best piano Tetris theme by Mike'…he's put a classical twist on it I imagine Cloud would have.)_

_Author Notes:_

_What SHOULD Zack do 'ey?? Dun dun duuuuuuuh. Is this the meanest cliff hanger yet?_

_Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	11. If You Open Your Heart

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)_

_STRONG LIME for this part._

_Rating: M – sexual themes (__not so explicit…)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 11 – If You Open Your Heart**

Cloud felt utterly pathetic. He hated crying, it showed just how weak he was. But there was little he could do to stop the tears falling.

Zack watched him, keeping him there with the hold on his wrists. Eventually he said, "You really hate music now?" Had his being here really turned Cloud against something he loved? And who's fault was it that he had come here… You had a choice Zack, and you took it.

"Yes I do! But if I quit you won't be interested in me anymore." It was the only reason he'd come, the only reason he'd stayed.

Zack felt his chest tighten in guilt. "I didn't…" he began, but Cloud looked at him anger flaring in his eyes.

"You said you weren't interested, I should become famous. I thought if I tried you would still care, but I can't make it, I can't take it here!" Cloud finally managed to tear his hands away from Zack, and stood nearly making the other man fall off the bench in the process.

He stumbled towards the door in his rush to get away, pulling the ring off and throwing it back towards Zack. It missed bounced somewhere on the floor. Zack knew the truth now, he was a failure, he didn't deserve the praise and adoration. It was all for the music, and without the music there was nothing between them.

Zack had to act now, and quick. Luckily Cloud had to use all his weight to unlock the sound proof door, and the dark haired man sprang up to close the few feet between them. He pinned the smaller man against the door, his hands pressed either side of him to keep him from moving. "I never said any of those things for my benefit! I was doing it for you…" Which sounded lame right now, and he couldn't take looking at Cloud's face. He slid down to his knees, his arms wrapping around Cloud's waist. "Please…" he begged, he couldn't let Cloud go again.

Cloud hand went back to the handle but Zack held him there tighter, and he felt his own eyes get warm. "I'm sorry…" he said unable to look Cloud in the face.

The pianist's hand dropped form the handle, and he slid down the door pulled down by Zack's weight. Tears began anew and he collapsed into childish sobs, pulling his knees up to his chest. Zack didn't stop him this time, and put his arms around his shoulders to hold him. "Cloud…please stop…I'm sorry, I like you no matter what you do…" He turned the younger man's face up to his, wiping away the tears with his hand. "I love you." There, he had said it.

Cloud's red eyes looked at Zack, "What?"

"I love you." Zack said again, he was embarrassed and nervous saying those words, and finally Cloud had heard them. Cloud was just staring at him, and the lack of reaction was now starting to make him panic.

Finally Cloud asked in a small voice, "Why did you tell me to go then?"

Zack let a breath escape through his nose, swallowing hard. "I really thought I was doing the best thing for you…I'm sorry." And he leaned closer to Cloud planting slow kisses onto his salty tear stained face. "I'm sorry." He said again between kisses, he'd need to say it a million times to make it up to Cloud, he could only hope that the other man would forgive him. Some warm salty drops touched his lips.

Cloud let go of a strained breath and his arms slide around Zack's shoulder's. "I need you." He admitted.

Zack pulled back so he could see Cloud's eyes. "I need you too." He replied.

Cloud closed the distance between them and with their arms wrapped around each other they kissed slowly. It was a kiss that expressed so much sad longing they'd both felt in their time apart. Zack tasted the soft lips one more time, before burying his face into Cloud's shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while, neither wishing to break the contact between them. Zack turned his head to say into Cloud's ear. "Do you still want my ring?" He asked.

Relief flooded him when Cloud nodded, and he straightened up to look around the room. "Um I need to find it…" he said getting on his hands and knees to look around the floor.

Cloud sat propped up against the door still, he was calmer now but utterly exhausted from his emotional outburst. Finally Zack spotted the ring under the piano, and grabbed it crawling back to Cloud. He took the soft hand and put it back on the middle finger. "So I guess this means I want to go steady." He said with a strained smile, hiding his embarrassment by brushing back his messy hair. He felt like some jock giving a girl his class ring. But he wanted to say this clearly, "You want to be with me right?" Boyfriend you'd call it?

Cloud nodded, touching the cool metal on his hand. Zack got to his feet, feeling bones creak and muscles stiff from sitting awkwardly on the floor. He took Cloud's hands pulling him up to his feet, "Lets go back to your room."

Looking dazed and drained Cloud lead them back, to where he sat back on his bed. Without question Zack joined him, pulling him into his arms so they could lay down together. He found one of Cloud's hands, threading the fingers together. They needed to talk about some things. "You know, I'll still love you if you're living here. "

Cloud took a shuddered breath, "I don't want to be here…" His voice starting to crack on the verge of getting upset again.

Zack's grip tightened, "Then I won't leave you here." And as soon as he said it he realized he'd just ended Cloud's 2nd chance at professional career. "If you really want to come home…"

Cloud nodded, and turned to curl up against the other man. He really wanted to be taken away from all this, back to the safe little world which only him and Zack lived in. "I just want to be with you. Music doesn't mean anything to me here, I just want to play for you…does that sound weird?"

"No…" Zack told him, finally understanding why Cloud had entered the competition, and come to study here. He'd done it for him…which done nothing to alleviate his guilt. He took Cloud's face between his hands and kissed him softly on the lips, "You can come home with me…I'm going to make it up to you." And be together for ever and ever but it wasn't fair to make such promises. He kissed him again, "So…do you like me?" He himself had just said the big L word, he had to know for sure Cloud felt the same.

"More than anything." Cloud replied staring up at Zack with his clear blue eyes.

That would do, he'd practically given his heart to Cloud now anyway, it was up to him to do what he wanted with it.

Zack kissed the blond hair working his way back down to the full lips. There was no rush now, and the feeling of dread had lifted from them. Their kisses deepened, tasting each other's lips. Zack broke the contact to study the younger man's face, moving his fingers to brush Cloud's lips. He seemed so young, there was a part of him that would do anything to protect him.

His thoughts turned less than chivalrous when unexpectedly Cloud kissed his finger tips, before parting his lips and licking one seductively. A low groan escaped his throat, "Cloud…you're going to need to stop that."

Cloud looked a little hurt, "Why?"

Oh no, he'd gotten the wrong idea. "Hey it's not like I don't like it, I like it TOO much if you see what I mean."

"Oh…" Cloud said, his hands running down Zack's body, to dip under the parker and run his hands back up his naked skin underneath. "Is that a problem?"

"No but…" He worried his bottom lip with his teeth. "I want to take my time. I want to see you." And to make his point he unzipped Cloud's sweater, pulling it off one shoulder to reveal the expanse of creamy skin. He touched the hallow there, his fingers moving down the plane of his chest to rest on the stomach.

As usual Cloud looked embarrassed when Zack put his body under close scrutiny. "Don't you like this?"

Cloud eye's flicked away awkwardly, "I'm just kind of…a runt." His hands moved to squeeze the biceps under Zack's dark grey parker, feeling the hard muscles there. "You're not."

Zack smiled disarmingly. "I think you're absolutely perfect, in every single way." He wasn't good at this mushy stuff, so he captured Cloud's lips once again, to show him how he felt. One day he'd make Cloud realize how wonderful he was.

Zack worshiped Cloud through his caresses, taking delight in every muffled groan and twisted expression of pleasure.

When he finally collapsed naked and spent atop of Cloud, they both struggled to regain their breath, the lights outside the window were already dimming for night time. He rolled off to take his weight off the smaller man, and stared up at the ceiling with him.

They enjoyed the glow of exertion for a while, before Zack plucked the courage to ask, "Do you want to move in with me?" He daren't look at Cloud's reaction, and blurted out "I mean, it doesn't have to be for long…I mean, just until you find another place…or you can stay for long term, I don't mind. Like we were living together practically before anyway, and rent would be cheaper if we shared…and your old place has been rented out…" He was babbling. God he sucked at this commitment thing. Where did one strike the balance between being attentive and being a chick.

"I can live with you?" Cloud interrupted softly.

"If you want…" The crux of it.

"I want to."

"Really?" Zack beamed rolling back onto Cloud like a happy puppy dog. "Cloud, even if I mess up sometimes I'm going to try be the best boyfriend ever!" There! He'd said it! Boyfriend!!

Cloud laughed, and reached up to cover his mouth in reflex to hide it. Zack took his wrist to pull his hand back. "I told you, you're cute when you smile I want to see."

Cloud was really coming home with him, it felt like a dream. The only thing he wanted to do from now on was make Cloud happy.

At that moment, Cloud really was.

~*~

Well yeah the dream had been agreed on, but there were practicalities. Cloud needed to sort through his belongings, throw away what he didn't want, write a letter of withdrawal yada yada. The mundane stuff of life, it couldn't all be declarations and romance.

Then Zack realized another thing, the plane ticket. He was due to leave in 5 days, and he needed another plane ticket fast. He called up a booking agent, and sat there listening to the hold music until finally an operator spoke. He'd nearly fallen asleep waiting and jerked awake with the accented voice on the other end. He explained he wanted another ticket for his flight and he heard tapping away at a computer, until finally she had an answer.

"I'm sorry sir but that flight is fully booked…" She told him.

"Oh…what about any other flights around that time?" He asked, slightly deflated that things hadn't been simple. Things never were.

"All other flights are fully booked as well, it's peak season." Urgh it would be wouldn't it. "But there are some spots in business class available…we can offer you a reasonable deal on an upgrade." The sales operator told him.

"How much is that going to come to?" She told him, and he visibly paled at the total. Unmarried young urban professional he may be but, but that was a fair chunk of change. But how could he leave Cloud hanging around for another two weeks when he could afford it. "…do you take credit card?"

Love was proving to be expensive.

Just as he finished booking the ticket Cloud returned to the hotel room, and Zack tried to slap a bit of color into his cheeks. "Ah hey, I booked your ticket." He told him, taking the cigarette box off the table.

"You did?" Cloud asked, setting his bag down and placing two coffees on the table.

"Yeah, same flight as mine." Zack said bringing the stylish Zippo up to light his cigarette. Coffee and cigarettes, how European. "We're travelling business class baby."

Cloud's eyes went slightly wide and panicked. "Really? Uh…I'll pay you back, when I get a job again…"

Zack dismissed the notion with a wave, blowing the smoke in the opposite direction. "I used my air miles." Well he used some but no where near enough to cover the entire cost. Even when Cloud had been working Zack was on a much higher salary, with little financial commitments. Truth was he couldn't think of ways to spend his pay packet. You brought the latest high tech electronics, some designer clothes, beer money, then what? He didn't really want to make Cloud feel indebted or uncomfortable, so he downplayed how comfortably he lived.

Even now Cloud still looked a bit unsure, and Zack put his cigarette down and grabbed Cloud on either side of the face to pull him into a loud smack of the kiss. "You're coming home with me!" That was the main thing; they had so much to look forward to. "Ah sorry, ciggy breath." He apologized letting go to go back to his cigarette.

Expensive it may be, but it was worth it.

To Be Continued

_Author Notes:_

_Sap overload! Man I find it harder to write than angst. I toyed with the idea of Zack leaving but...I think I was pushing it dragging it out this far as it was. How was it? Worth the wait? :o_

_Oh and the less than descriptive smut…yeah, I've written plenty in my time but well the reason for it being this way is a) guidelines, b) I'm not sure I could write it GOOD, so I'll just let you fill in the blanks. But you notice how it's been getting a little more and more graphic the past few chapters? Hah yeah I couldn't help myself._

_Well that's more or less the first arc…got a bit more sap, some loose ends and then into the second arc! Not sure it'll be as good as the first one, but I love this setting too much to say good bye now! _

_Thanks for reading and the reviews :D_


	12. Mission Start

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (__not so explicit…)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 12 – Mission Start**

The airport was bustling, people coming and going for various reasons at this time of year. Cloud had always thought it was exciting, looking up at planes and wondering where they were going. But this time he was going home, and that turned out to be a more exciting prospect.

They had woken up at a ungodly hour to reach the airport, the morning was still chill and crisp. They were perhaps the worst for ware as they had spent the previous night drinking as much German beer as they could managed, it was a miracle they hadn't slept in late.

They needed coffee, and lots of it. Standing drinking down their strong double espressos, Cloud perked up to ask, "You have your passport right?"

"Yes." Zack resisted an eye roll. He wasn't THAT useless hung over.

Cloud's motive for asking was revealed. "…Can I see?"

Zack's eyebrows rose over the brim of his cup. "Why would you want to see that?"

Cloud shrugged, "Just curious."

"Then you can keep on being curious." Zack told him with a smirk, taking another sip of his coffee.

"But…I want to see…" Cloud gave him a pleading look.

Zack tried to ignore it, but cursed himself because he couldn't hold out for long against sad eye Cloud attack. "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine." He winked. Oh no way Cloud would be willing to show his passport, there was always a bad picture or something people were embarrassed about.

"Ok." Cloud replied, already unzipping the pocket to his messenger bag to pull out his passport.

SHIT. "Ah come on…" Zack tried to back out, but Cloud had already offered his passport for him to take.

"Fine." Zack huffed, feeling inside his jacket to rip out the small book. They exchanged the passports, and he flicked through the pages to the back. Cloud's photo wasn't too bad, he was looking down shyly with his hair pushed back behind his ears. Damnit it was cute.

Cloud had obviously done the same thing, "Zackary?" he asked, shifting his eyes between the passport and Zack, like an immigration officer suspicious of a forged document.

"YES, my name is Zackary." God he hated the name, he'd been Zack since he was a kid and made every attempt to hide his full name from anyone who knew him. He tried to snatch the passport back, but Cloud shouldered him away keeping the passport in his grasp.

"Zackary…" He repeated, trying to work out the foreign syllables on his tongue. "When was this picture taken?"

"Collage." God the picture. If memory served correct he'd been hung over when it had been taken. That was it, he grabbed the passport back tucking it away for safe keeping, returning Cloud's to him.

Cloud was looking over Zack as if he'd seen him in a new light. "Zackary…" he said again, this time covering his mouth to stifle a laugh.

Zack pouted, "It's Zack alright never call me that." He said in mock annoyance. Cloud was hardly one to talk anyway! He finished the rest of his coffee like a shot, and set the small cup down. "Lets go check in." Indicating Cloud to follow.

Together they pushed their suitcases, Zack pointing over to the booking desk. "I need to pick up your ticket." He explained, heading over to the empty desk. "Hi, there should be a ticket under Zack Fair, for Cloud Strife." He explained, reaching into his inside pocket for his wallet and passport.

The ground staff woman with the heavy make-up and perfect French twist hair nodded, and started tapping into her computer. She continued to tap, hitting the return hard every time. "Strife, S-T-R-I-F-E?" She asked to confirm.

"Yes…" Zack answered, but that only caused her brow to furrow.

"I'm sorry sir, we don't have that name under the reservation, the flight is fully booked."

Panic started to set in for Zack, "I was told there were room in business class, I've already paid." He pulled out a credit card and dropped it over the desk in front of her.

There was an anxious few moment as she looked through the database. "You're right sir but the booking has not been confirmed for Mr. Strife's, only yourself. The best we can do is for a flight leaving next week. We're sorry for the inconvenience."

"That isn't good enough!" Zack was getting agitated, and the woman leaned back slightly, eyes glancing to her colleagues. Remembering what had happened last time he'd raised his voice in an airport he forced himself to calm. "Fine, change the bookings for next week…but I am never flying this airline again."

She nodded, typing into her computer, "There will be a fee for changing your ticket Mr. Fair, which will count as a cancellation and rebooking. It will be $400 at this late notice."

They were having a laugh. "Fine, what ever. Put it on the credit card…"

But a hand on his sleeve stopped him. "Zack, wait…" and he turned around to see Cloud. "You have work in a few days…"

He shrugged, "If I'm stuck in another country I'm stuck."

Cloud shook his head, "It's only a week…I can wait. And if you stayed too you'd need to get another hotel, I can still stay at the dormitory if it's just me."

Zack pulled Cloud away a few steps from the counter so they could talk in private. "I said I'd take you back and I will. I'm not leaving you."

"A week, I can manage that." Cloud would feel guilty if he caused more expense and trouble for the other man, he'd just have to suck it up and put on a brave face.

Zack looked torn, "But…" He really didn't want to leave Cloud.

"Then you'll go on ahead." Cloud nodded as if it was decided, and pushed him back to the booking desk. "He'll get on this flight." He told the booking agent.

The woman looked to Zack for confirmation, and he sighed, "Yeah I'll take this flight…" She made the rest of the arrangements, and printed out the new ticket to hand Cloud. They left the desk, and waited in the queue for check in. The excitement of going back had utterly dissipated. It was to be another good bye instead.

Zack checked his baggage in, and they were free for another 2 hours at least. But Zack felt bad about it, "This sucks." He said stopping in his tracks.

Cloud agreed, but the last time they'd parted had been much worse. He stood close to Zack, his fingers discreetly finding Zack's to touch the finger tips gently. Guiding him with his hand, he lead Zack through the crowds dodging people until they made it to a closed shop door way, there was not so many people. "Lets just sit here." He told Zack pulling him down with him to sit on the floor. Cloud was finally able to get a better hold on Zack's hand, threading their fingers together now they could hide it between them.

They sat there in a tense silence, watching a few people go by pulling luggage. Zack finally spoke up, "I can go cancel my ticket right now, there's still time."

Cloud shook his head, he didn't want to be a burden to Zack. "No it's alright." He looked up at Zack, forcing a smile. "I'm not so weak." Well he hoped so, he wanted to be strong for Zack. "It's only a few days…"

The other man squeezed his hand. "I guess I'm the one who's being a wuss hey…" He tried to joke. Funny how before he met Cloud he could barely wait to kick a guy out in the morning. And now, after just a week of build up to the idea he could spend as much time as he wanted with Cloud, a week seemed unbearable. He reached for his wallet, and pulled out a bunch of foreign notes, and tried to press them into Cloud's palm.

"Here take it, I don't need it get a taxi back to the dorm."

Cloud refused, pushing it back. "It's alright."

"But…"

"I said it was alright." Money was a touchy subject for Cloud, he was becoming a leech. First Vincent, and now Zack. They had both already done far too much for him and he couldn't think of a way to pay them back soon.

Zack sighed, returning the money to his wallet and putting it back in his pocket. He tentatively found Cloud's hand again, who to his relief didn't refuse the gesture.

Some couple walked past with their arms around each other, and Zack wished he could do the same to Cloud. Time ticked uneasily by, and with reluctance Zack looked at his wrist watch. "They'll be calling the boarding gate now…" he said.

Cloud nodded, and knowing what he had to do, stood with Zack and they made the slow walk to departures. There wasn't much of a queue, so they had to make their good byes. Neither was sure what to do, they hadn't been prepared for this.

Zack pressed the shorter man against him in what should have been a inconspicuous hug. But they lingered too long, neither willing to break off the contact just yet. Zack looked around, everyone was too concerned with themselves to pay much attention. Fuck it, he thought and pressed his lips to Cloud's for a quick kiss. He was in a foreign country, no one knew him.

Cloud must have been surprised; because he pulled away blushing. Zack gave him a cheeky smirk, and stepped away for the back of the queue, which consisted of one person. "I'll be waiting for you at the airport." He handed over his passport to the security officer, who gave it back and waved him through to join the lines for the x-ray machines and metal detectors.

"Have a safe flight…" Cloud told Zack, just as the security man was getting impatient forcing him to go through the opening. And Zack was gone, "I trust you…" He said without thinking, although he'd said it too softly for Zack to have any chance of hearing.

He perched on the top of his suitcase in the middle of the airport corridor, he trusted Zack right? He looked at the ring still on his hand, and felt the warm metal there. He was already missing him and he was only a few meters away still.

But he resolved himself, and found his music player in his bag. He scrolled through the menus, trying to find the right sound track for his return journey. Nothing Classical, he'd had his fill for now. He tried to find something of Zack's, of course he'd ripped every CD in Zack's collection at some point, what kind of music student would he be if he hadn't? And what better way to get know someone than their music?

Cloud remembered the time he'd started on his mission. He had been hanging out in Zack's apartment, loitering over shelves of CDs. Zack was playing a game on his huge screen TV, and while he was distracted he'd tentatively asked if he could borrow some CDs. Zack hadn't even taken his eyes off the screen and said sure. He'd taken a bunch at random, holding the cases close to his chest. He was afraid if Zack knew what he was doing, he would know he was trying to get a glimpse into his soul. Cloud had crept out, and spent the rest of the night exploring a new world of music and Zack, the world of Rock and Roll.

Half he had never heard of, the rest only vaguely, and it had been a delightful learning experience.

He decided on an album, yes it was so very Zack, high energy with touches of humor. Vincent would have a heart attack if he knew he was listening to The Offspring, well after you had made him listen to some anyway. But it was noisy and high energy, it'd get him home, hopefully drowning out his thoughts.

Cloud half hummed half sang the catchy chorus under his breath as he started pushing his suitcase, "As you're staring at the sun…"

~*~

Zack stared at this work computer screen, actually surfing the internet rather than working. The benefits of being in control of the firewall. His coffee had gotten cold, and he wondered if he could make Wedge go get him another one.

He was in post holiday and post Cloud blues, when the return to work felt like such a disappointment, waking up at 7am, commute, memos, cced emails, over flowing in box, meetings, and no Cloud to go home to. It had taken him an entire day to clear his back log, but four more days and he'd have a blond kitten all to himself.

"Boo!" Someone said behind him, slapping down on his shoulders.

He nearly had a heart attack clicking up a work related document to fill his screen instead of the forum he had been reading. It was an automatic reflex, and he turned around to see who it was.

It was Aerith, and he rolled his eyes. "Jesus don't do that."

She laughed, "So hard at work I see trying to catch up."

"I caught up." He informed her, pretending to go back to his document.

Oh she hadn't come all the way down here just for that. "So how was Germany?!" Aerith asked, pushing aside some of the mess that covered Zack's desk, making a space for her to sit.

"Mmm…pretty good." Was all he said, moving his mouse about and clicking.

"Pretty good?? Did you see him??" Aerith pressed.

Zack gave her a warning look, and stood up to look over the cubical wall. Wedge was gone, the rest of his team out working on server maintenance. You would normally hear someone coming into the small IT office. The coast was clear it would seem.

"Yup I saw him." He sat back down, taking his coffee to sip.

"Aaand…?" Arieth was getting impatient.

He raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Pretty good."

She slapped his arm playfully. "I'm your fag hag, you're supposed to tell me everything."

Zack rolled his eyes, "For the last time you are not my fag hag." It really wasn't right such a pretty innocent girl saying such things. "I am what is known as 'straight-acting', ie I act no different to a straight guy."

"So in denial. Besides you're not so straight-acting, you get your eye brows waxed don't you." Arieth quipped leaning closer to examine the nicely arched brows.

"I am not!! I fully accept I like men I'm just not effeminate." He resisted the urge to touch his eyebrows. "And lots of guys get waxed now days, metro sexual and all that." He'd die before he admitted he had, on special occasion, had a full body wax. There wasn't much hair to get rid of anyway but...it was the best way to get silky smooth.

"This is sooo off track you're just trying to distract me from this guy." Aerith remembered the reason she'd come. "So what happened when you saw him the first time?"

"I hugged him."

"Did you sleep with him?"

Zack spluttered. "Aerith…" He looked shiftily around, as if there may be spies. "Yeah…" God he sounded like such a letch. "And…I kinda confessed…and he's quitting school and coming back to live here." Aerith's eyes went wide, and he hastily continued, "I mean he was so unhappy there I couldn't leave him without telling him the truth. And he wanted to come back…" Sounded bad in digested form.

"That IS romantic! Giving up everything to be with you!" Aerith seemed delighted, Zack was living out some childish fantasy of hers. She just managed to make him feel guilty though. "Do you have a picture? You've never shown me you know."

Zack grumbled, but was pulling out his touch screen phone, the one EVERY young professional had. He tapped through the menus, finding a picture of him and Cloud and showing it to her. They were sitting together close in some nice café, Zack laughing as he took the picture and Cloud trying to hide under his hair looking a bit sullen. Anyone would have thought Cloud was unhappy, but Zack knew better.

She studied it. "Oh my god he's so cute, but YOUNG. Are you a Daddy?"

Zack nearly choked and pulled the phone away. "He's only 4 years younger than me! And just WHERE did you hear such a term?"

Aerith shrugged. "Internet…" She said vaguely.

"Internet you say…" Zack smiled evilly, going to his computer and going through administrator programs to search for Arieth's account details. He had it in under 30 seconds, and was browsing her internet history for the past month.

"Hey, that's an invasion of privacy!" She said trying to pull the mouse away from him.

"You have no privacy at work." Zack coolly told her wrestling the mouse back. Then he stopped on a web address. "You've been reading Queer-pedia?"

"Sometimes…" She said innocently.

God knows what she had read about, she probably was under the impression he was leather chap wearing bear in his off time by now. "I'm just…not like 95% of the stuff you'll find on the internet. And neither is he…he's…sweet." He made a mental note to add Queer-pedia to the firewall.

"You're just so cute when you're embarrassed." She said pinching his cheek. "I so want to meet him when he's back! Congratulations Zack. Now back to some work before my manager realizes I've been gone for so long." She told him jumping off the desk and making to leave. "I want a dinner date with you two…"

When he was finally alone, Zack took a deep breath. He really hoped she wouldn't tell anyone about his personal life. But she hadn't so far.

He looked at his phone, touching it to bring the screen back on with the picture of him and Cloud. He clicked a through a few more, Cloud wasn't smiling in any. But Zack could recall every moment Cloud had smiled, he cherished the memories. But one day he'd have photographic evidence of a Cloud smiling next to him, he was certain, if will power and persistence had anything to do with it.

To Be Continued

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_Staring at the Sun – The Offspring (??? Does this count ???)_

_Author Notes:_

_First off thanks to Infinite Devil Machine for the idea! I know we debated it a bit but I think I've worked it a bit differently, and I hope it works…_

_Nothing big in this chapter, it's sap ultimately :P_

_Ah the song, I didn't know whether to name something. Like something classical is pretty safe, like it's not dividing. But something more contemporary and popular?! Dangerous ground._

_But I was thinking, so what music would Zack listen to? It's Zack so it'd be rock ' n' roll. And since he's apart of the MTV gen I'm pretty sure he'd have the Americana album at least, every one did back in 98! But if you hate it sorry! It's a one off snippet of the relationship of music between Cloud and Zack._

_Piano music will be resumed next chapter! (Piano hasn't been too practical past few chapters lol)_

_Thanks for reading and reviewing, esp to all my loyal readers you know who you are! :D_


	13. Fragments of Memories

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)_

_STRONG LIME for this part._

_Rating: M – sexual themes (__not so explicit…)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 13 – Fragments of Memories**

The week seemed to stretch out forever, and the longer Cloud lay isolated in his empty dorm room with the pack suit case opened on the floor, the more old thoughts tried to fight to get back into his mind.

He trusted Zack, but Zack hadn't always protected him. And sometimes he done and said things because he pitied him.

The irrational uncertainty grew, and in some corner of his mind he worried Zack wouldn't be there at the airport. He'd be homeless and jobless, and alone.

That didn't make the flight go well, and he washed some valium he'd scammed from a doctor down with the complementary glass of Champaign they provided.

It had worked, and he dozed off while watching a movie into a dreamless sleep. If he woke, he topped up the valium, until the time he woke up the light meal served before landing was in front of him. So he'd slept through the once and only time he'd be in business class, well at least there was more room and better pillows, you didn't wake with a sore neck.

It was the moment of truth when he went through immigration and customs, coming out into departures. As always it was busy, everyone waiting for loved ones, acquaintances and passengers for hired cars. Every emotion could be seen to be played out, joy, sorrow, boredom.

Cloud's eyes scanned the people, looking for Zack. His heart sunk for a second, he couldn't see him.

Then his eyes rested on a familiar smirk. Zack's arms were folded with his weight shifted to one side. He was wearing tight designer jeans with a mid length jacket over a crisp navy shirt. He looked good, he'd made an effort. "Yo." Zack greeted.

Cloud was standing there forgetting he was in a crowded airport. It was real, he'd come back home and as promised Zack was waiting. "Hi." Was the best he could come up with.

The older man pulled up the belt barrier and beckoned. The gesture could have been a siren calling a sailor onto the rocks, but he didn't care. He ducked his head to go under, the chauffeurs carrying their name signs having to make way for him taking the short cut.

Cloud felt Zack take his arm to guide him out from the crowd of waiting people. They said little else until they were outside, blinking into the low winter morning sun. They looked at each other, and Zack said, "Glad your back."

This had been their easiest reunion yet, for once no anxiety or foreboding about the future or their relationship. From now on it was just them, to do what they pleased.

Cloud's eyes must have still been glazed over from the flight and prescription tranquilizers. "You look half baked." He said, and before Cloud could respond he was holding his arm out to the taxi rank, making one of the drivers take come out to help load the suitcase into the trunk before they bundled into the back.

Zack told the driver the destination, and they moved off. Cloud wanted to say something, but everything was foggy and dream like. He couldn't believe this was happening, surely the past couple of weeks had been a dream. He'd wake up any moment and be alone in his dorm room.

"Good flight?" Zack asked.

"I guess so…" They hadn't crashed so he guessed that counted as good.

Zack caught his eyes, "Hey, lay down and sleep a bit. I'll wake you when we get there." He patted his lap, volunteering himself as pillow.

Cloud was hesitant at first, before Zack pulled him across to lean on him. The instant his head was against Zack's chest his eyes closed. This was surely real, he could smell the Calvin Kline aftershave, feel his heart beat steadily through the shirt.

He flittered in and out of sleep, and hadn't realized the car had stopped until Zack touched his shoulder. "We're here, wakey wakey." Cloud sat up trying to blink his vision clear. By the time he was out, Zack was already pushing his suitcase towards the apartment building.

He had to take a moment to stare up at the high rise, he was home. Well not the home of before, but a new home, Zack's place.

The other man had stopped at some point and looked back at him, "Are you going to stand there all day?"

"No." Cloud brought himself out of his day dream, and followed Zack into the elevator.

They passed his old apartment, and it felt strange going past. Really it felt like he'd just been on a trip, and he should be going back. He stared at his old door, wondering who was in there now.

But Zack was pushing him through the other door, and the reason for his eagerness became apparent. For as soon as the door had closed behind them, Zack pushed Cloud against the door and kissed him.

The move was almost a surprise to Cloud, the week alone had left him wondering if Zack had been serious, or if he'd just been taking pity on him in the moment.

But with the other man's body pressed up against his, lips capturing his own, and Zack's hands on his waist the fears melted away as he put his arms around the broad shoulders.

They eagerly reacquainted themselves with each other, there had been too many delays and set backs for this moment.

Zack took one final taste, before pulling back. They were both breathless, and Cloud's pale skin was unmistakably flushed. Zack seemed pleased with the response. "I wanted to do that when I first saw you. But you know airport…" He admitted, going in for one final kiss before letting go. "I guess I better put coffee on."

He left Cloud still leaning back against the door, looking rather weak from the welcoming. He managed to look about, and it was Zack's almost as he'd left it, the ebony piano still in the center of the room. It was familiar, but still somewhat alien.

"You cleaned?" He'd asked, Zack somewhere off at the kitchen.

"Yup." Zack said proudly, while filling up the coffee maker. "Perhaps it was a good thing you couldn't come back with me, it was a mess when I went to Germany."

That was unsurprising. But it did look quite good now, almost in the same state as after he had tidied it himself last.

"Oh, and another good thing I could get done." Zack said leaving the coffee to brew. He pulled Cloud off from the door, and over to the piano, and got him to sit next to him on the bench.

Cloud sat there, looking at the piano, his piano rather. How long had it been? He touched the smooth wood, clean of any dust.

Zack opened the lid for him, and pressed a key, A as it happened. It sounded just as it had before.

"I got it tuned for you." Zack said rather proudly. "You said it would needed tuning every 6 months right? So it was due." And he wanted everything just right for Cloud's return.

Cloud reached out and played a G major scale, testing the piano. It was indeed in tune.

"See told you. I want to show you something." Zack lifted his hands to the keys, and started playing the Flea Waltz. Not just the one hand Cloud had taught him a year ago, but both hands. Sure, he made mistakes and slow but he played on until the end.

Cloud was stunned silent. "…Where did you learn that?" He asked when the power of speech came back to him.

It was Zack's turn to look embarrassed. "I got a few lessons…I mean your piano seemed lonely without anyone playing it." He explained scratching your head.

"It's good." Cloud told him.

"Ah come on man, don't be bullshitting me."

"No…I mean it…" Cloud affirmed. He was impressed, truly. Zack had never shown any inclination towards music so to get this far would have taken sheer practice. And to show someone, Cloud knew how hard that was. "Play it again, I want to listen."

"Well that's all I can play anyway." Zack grinned and played the tune again, this time Cloud closing his eyes to listen. The fact that Zack was playing for him, created a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The tune finished, and Cloud slowly opened his eyes again. "Coffee's ready, your turn to play." He teased, getting up to leave Cloud at the piano alone.

Cloud was back to staring at the keys. He realized he really loved this piano, he brought it when he still had passion for music, and it held the memories of when he'd reclaimed that passion with Zack.

He reached out, not even knowing what to play. But as soon as he felt the cool keys, he played automatically, not even sure himself what it was. Then he recognized the piece. It was Bach's Minuet in G major. It was one of the first pieces he remembered playing as a child. He'd surely learned other things before it, Mary had a little lamb and all the usual stuff. But this was the first real piece he remembered playing, he was sure he'd done it for his first recital as well. He played it with the optimism and playfulness he would have had as a child.

At some point Zack put his arms around him from behind, resting his chin on Cloud's shoulder, watching his hands move over the keys. When Cloud finished said, "You played that so well to rub it in about my Flea Waltz." He joked, breath tickling the blond's ear.

"If I wanted to rub it in I'd have played this." Cloud told him starting to play Ah, vous dirai je, maman, Mozart's variations on twinkle twinkle little star. Another childhood piece.

Zack laughed, "Yeah that is really taking the piss. I give up."

Cloud stopped playing immediately, "No don't…" He really wanted to hear Zack play more. "I'll teach you." He remembered when Zack had proposed that the first time they'd talked, but he'd been reluctant. But he thought he was joking back then, but now if Zack really wanted to learn, he'd teach.

"If you have the patience for me…" He said breathily, lips brushing Cloud's ear this time.

Cloud found the contact made concentrating on any more piano at the minute difficult, and he leaned back into Zack's touch. "I missed you." Zack told him, kissing his neck.

"You still want me to stay right?" Cloud asked, hand coming up to thread into Zack's thick black hair.

"More than anything." Zack said between the kisses.

Cloud could see where this was leading, and he had to stop himself. "Don't you have work today?"

"Taken a personal day, I'm all yours." But Zack pulled away, straightening up to pick up the coffee left on the floor, and handing a cup to Cloud. "But if you're tired you can rest." He said drinking the hot liquid, leaning against the piano.

The coffee had cooled to an easily drinkable temperature and Cloud gulped his down. "I am a little…but join me." He said closing the lid and leading the way to Zack's double bed.

Zack was happy to oblige, and followed Cloud on top of the covers, folding his arms behind his head. Cloud curled up beside him, using his fingers to clutch the shirt front with his fingers.

There was no urgency this time, no worrying about time running out. Sex could wait, for now they could just enjoy being with each other. They had a day of respite, before Cloud needed to deal with the responsibilities of his decisions. Today they had each other, at last.

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_Flea Waltz (again)_

_Minuet in G major – Bach_

_Vous dirai je, maman (twinkle twinkle little star variation) - Mozart_

_Author Notes:_

_Another change in tone :o So this time it's the cool and confident reunion. So sappy and mushy you'll need a straw!_

_Thanks for the reading and reviews! :D_


	14. Domesticating a Lone Wolf

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)_

_STRONG LIME for this part._

_Rating: M – sexual themes (__not so explicit…)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 13 – Domesticating a Lone Wolf**

Zack woke to the filtering sounds of movement in his apartment, and the smell of breakfast and coffee. He opened his eyes to confirm that Cloud was up already, he couldn't see him but he assumed Cloud was setting the table from the sounds of plates clanging together.

He rolled back onto his back to try prolong the last few moments in bed before he had to get up. Yesterday had been glorious, he finally had Cloud back with him. They'd spent most of the day talking, or laying in each other's arms. Before finally kisses had lead to something more intimate. You'd never have guessed it had just been a week since they'd last seen each other. But it was different now Cloud was his.

Nothing but a love sick teenager, he thought to himself. "What time is it?" He called.

From over in the kitchen Cloud replied. "Seven thirty about."

"Shiiit." Zack said softly to himself, he needed to leave in half an hour. He forced himself to get up and go to the wardrobe, grabbing a handful of work clothes and going into the bathroom. He washed and dressed, re-emerging with his tie thrown around his neck.

Cloud was sitting already, reading a newspaper as he slowly chewed on the cooked breakfast. "It's on the stove." He told him.

Zack brought himself a plate over to the kitchenette table, and sat opposite. It was odd, neither was used to domestic bliss and not sure how to act. "Were you awake early?"

Cloud nodded still reading the head line. Living in another country where the news media was in a language you didn't understand, it was easy for world events to pass you by. "I'm going to the supermarket, do you want anything?"

"Nothing in particular. Did you find the key I got cut?" Zack said between mouthfuls. "Do you need some cash?" he asked.

"No." Cloud said softly, picking up his coffee to drink. Least he could do was buy groceries, Zack hadn't mentioned anything about rent so far. But on his trip out this morning he'd checked his bank account. $200 was all he had in there, and that wasn't going to go far. He needed to go job hunting as well.

The quiet responses from Cloud made Zack look up at him over the table. "You ok?" He asked.

"Fine, just jet lag." Cloud said bringing the newspaper onto his lap to start opening the pages.

Zack watched him over his coffee, until he checked his watch. "I need to go soon."

"Leave the plates, I'll do them…" Cloud told him.

"Thanks." Zack said hastily doing his tie. He got up and went around the table to Cloud, and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll try and get back early. I'll cook dinner, thanks for breakfast."

"I was up…" Cloud said watching Zack throw on the smart three quarter length coat he wore to work. "Bye."

"Bye." Zack gave him a smile before he was out the door with his brief case.

Cloud sighed, Zack looked so professional, he had a real job after all. And he was left home to play house wife. Now alone he pushed the empty plate out of the way and spread the newspaper over the table to the employment section.

He scanned the listings, nope no one wanted a classically trained pianist. He was under qualified and under experienced for anything in the professional sector. Call center, maybe, if he was lucky. But could he talk to strangers on the phone all day? No, he could barely talk to people he knew face to face. That was a no-go.

He put his elbows on top of the table holding his head in his hands. What was he going to do? He couldn't just sponge off Zack forever…

But before that he needed to see someone, someone he owed an explanation to.

~*~

It was very strange walking the halls of his old University. It had only been two years but he felt old. The first years he rode the elevator with looked so fresh faced and optimistic. Had he ever looked like that? He hung back in the corner of the elevator, an outsider to the small group of chatting friends. He turned his face to look at his reflection in the mirrors paneled to the walls of the elevator, designed to reflect the florescent lighting. The crisp artificial light was unforgiving, and he looked awful. He had developed a darkness under his eyes, made worse from the jet lag. They hadn't been there when he'd started university, neither had the faint lines underneath his eyes. The past 6 years had taken their toll.

The students carrying various instruments got out the elevator, and he was left alone to go up to the next floor. He got out, it was the piano department floor. He started making his way around the halls, only to stop at the top of one stretch of corridor.

He stared at one closed door, mid way down the corridor. One door he must avoid at all costs. He back tracked to go around the other way, and finally he came to the office he was looking for.

The plate said Vincent Valentine, Piano Instructor and Lecturer. The door was open a crack, luckily the teacher was in today. Cloud knocked gently with his knuckles, and waited for an acknowledgement before he went in. Old habits die hard.

Vincent's small office was like any other academics, a huge bookshelf covered one wall, filled to bursting with books and scores. On the other side was his desk, and filing cabinets. Boxes with papers and files were piled underneath.

The teacher was working on some notes, and when he turned in his chair to see who it was he was surprised to see Cloud to say the least. Cloud felt incredibly nervous as Vincent tried to work out his presence.

"Cloud…" The other man said eventually. "Hasn't the term started again yet?" But his tone suggested he had already guessed why Cloud wasn't in Germany.

"Mr. Valentine…I'm sorry…" Cloud began, the guilt coming down on him heavy.

Vincent dropped his fountain pen on the desk, pointing to a spare chair at the other side of the room. "Sit."

Cloud obeyed, pulling it out so he was facing the older man. He stared down at his hands, unable to meet his gaze. "I've quit."

There was a weary sigh. "I gathered as much."

They sat in an uneasy silence, before Vincent broke it by asking. "Why?"

Cloud started wringing his fingers, twisting around the silver ring hard. "I wasn't happy." It sounded like a childish reason now. "I was so below everyone else…"

"This is nothing to do with ability, if you couldn't have done it I wouldn't have encouraged you to go. Professor. Cid said you were progressing well." Vincent told him, watching the young man carefully.

"Technically maybe but…" Cloud clenched his hands closed tight, making the knuckles turn white. "I felt nothing for the music. I played like a robot."

He finally managed to gather the courage to look up at Vincent, only to see obvious disappointment on the usually impassive face. The teacher looked away, trying to school his emotions. "I guess there's nothing I can say now is there…"

"I'm sorry, I should have discussed this with you but…I couldn't take it any more there and decided to come back suddenly."

"It doesn't seem like there's anything I could have said to change your mind."

"I'll pay you back the fees, and the living costs you paid. I can't do it now but I'll pay you back some day." Cloud tried to ease his guilt.

Vincent reached up to pull the band out of his hair, running his fingers through it. "It matters little." There was another awkward silence between the two, before Vincent asked another question. "What do you plan to do now?"

"I don't know…" He hadn't really thought that far when he'd said yes to Zack.

"Will you go back to teaching?" Vincent enquired.

Cloud shrugged, "I'm not exactly welcome back at my old school." They had fired him after all.

Vincent seemed to be thinking, and rubbed his temple. He seemed to come to some decision, and pulled a heavy leather bound diary out of his draw. "I have some students that need extra tutorage. Going through the basics again really, I'd rather not be concentrating on such things during my lessons, so I will suggest they come to you for tutoring to give them a better chance of passing their exams." He started making a list of names.

"I'm hardly qualified…" Cloud began.

"I assume you have DipABRSM?" Cloud nodded. "Then I have no qualms with recommending you." Vincent sat back, "Work on your interpersonal skills, build a client base and work for yourself. Manner and outlook is your main problem with teaching." That was his frank advice. "I have a few contacts that may be interested in session work in the mean time…"

Cloud had to ask this, "Why are you still helping me?" He'd obviously just wasted a whole lot of time and money for Vincent.

The older teacher pursed his lips together in consideration, looking off to the side somewhere. "You really were the most promising student I've taught in a long time…" Cloud followed the other man's eye line to an old picture frame, of a pretty woman in a white dress. Vincent turned his gaze to his own hand, and the scars that ran along it. "If you succeeded, then some small part of me would have done so too." He sighed, "You were right, I was being selfish in my own way."

Cloud was hesitant to press further based on what he'd gleaned of Vincent and his life over the years. "Did you want to succeed for your wife?" The one that died in the accident that also put an end to Vincent's career. There was still rements of her around the other man's home, trinkets too feminine and whimsical for such a serious man as Vincent.

Vincent took his time thinking about this, turning his dark eyes back to the picture. "Maybe, but I know that is foolish for she just liked to listen to me play the most."

"So you played for your wife's benefit?" He needed to ask. He'd always felt guilty that he felt the most enjoyment from playing for Zack, that otherwise his music was empty. It felt like his music was…cheap?

Vincent narrowed his eyes at Cloud, "I used my feelings for my wife in my playing." He wasn't going to justify himself further, thinking Cloud was being critical.

The younger man could see the misunderstanding. "It's just…there's someone I play for." Cloud tried to explain. "It's hard to describe…when I play for them the emotion comes so easily, but otherwise I'm empty."

Vincent couldn't hide his surprise well, the idea that Cloud had 'someone'? For all the time he'd known his student he'd been so closed off and unreachable. A bit like a wild animal unable to get used to being tamed. "Well…" Playing with feelings was one thing, talking about them another. He was a piano teacher not a psychiatrist. "Use those feelings for all your music. I've seen you play with emotion, I know it's possible."

Cloud looked down at the ring again. He really was sorry he couldn't do more for Vincent, he wished Vincent could have got the acknowledgement he deserved.

Vincent was adept at reading Cloud by now, and could hazard a guess at the self-imposed guilt and flagellation. He tried to grant him some mercy. "But if you teach, then neither of our talents are going to waste." He reminded Cloud.

Cloud nodded, trying to understand. Maybe in time he would, but once again Vincent was helping him. "Thank you…" He said again, "I will pay you back, one day and some how…" He stood and left, not giving Vincent chance to object again.

He left his former teacher there, pondering about this 'someone' still. He had his theory, but really, it was none of his business.

~*~

Nearly a week later, things had started to settle into a routine. As soon as Zack went to work, Cloud done chores before looking for work. An endless search filled with endless disappointments. Anything he applied for was met with little reply, and even temp agencies for basic administrative work looked at his resume, giving a confused look before saying he didn't have enough experience to even be put on their books. He was starting to get desperate.

Cloud's eyes flicked from the television to the clock. Nearly 8 o'clock and Zack wasn't back yet. That was another thing, it was boring when Zack wasn't around. Chores only took so long of the day.

But speak of the devil the lock clicked and Zack arrived. "Back." He said leaving his stuff in a pile by the front door that Cloud would inevitably be moving later.

Zack came over to the couch, and got on his knees to sprawl his upper body over Cloud's lap. "I'm sorry baby, we had like the entire email go down today and we had to work late to get it back up." He apologized.

"It's ok." Cloud told him stonily, still watching television. "I ate already."

Zack propped himself up on his elbows, looking a bit hopeful."Are there left overs?"

Cloud nodded, "Microwave." And Zack bounded off to go feed himself. He ignored the sounds from the kitchen, watching the game show with utter dis-interest. He was reminded why he didn't have a television before, but now what else was there to do?

Zack came back with the prepared dinner, tie and shirt loosened. They watched the tv together, before the older man asked. "How was today?"

Cloud was slow to respond. "Ok…" He had no interest in the program still so switched it off. "I had calls from some students who want lessons…it's in the afternoon can I teach them here?"

"Sure." Cloud didn't need to ask that. "But that's great, getting a few students." Zack tried to sound positive.

Cloud shrugged, "It's only a few hours a week…it's not enough."

"I can help you if…" Zack began, only to be cut off by Cloud.

"I don't want help…" Cloud said slightly irritated. The endless rejections were getting to him, eroding on his already low self worth. "I guess teaching is the best thing for me to do…but it'll take time to get a client base."

Zack nodded, not daring to look up from his food. Anything he said right now could be taken the wrong way. "I understand, it's ok."

Cloud could see how carefully Zack was choosing his words, and felt guilty all over again. "I'm sorry…"

Zack set the plate down, and turned to face the other man. "Don't be sorry. I was the one that asked you to come back. I know you don't want it, but please let me help you out for now." He pulled the shorter man against him, closing the distance between them.

Cloud sighed curling up against Zack, his palm pressed flat against the muscle there. "I've just…not had to rely on anyone for a long time."

"You've got me now." Zack told him, smoothing down the blond hair. "What about your family?" He asked tentatively. Cloud had never talked about his family, and Zack found himself curious. They never seemed to figure in any of Cloud's decisions, was Cloud's family situation similar to his own?

"I don't have any." Cloud said bluntly. "My father died when I was young, and my mother died in an accident when I started high school."

That took Zack aback, he hadn't been expecting that. "I'm sorry…"

Cloud shrugged against him. He'd cut himself off from those emotions long ago, it just felt like something that happened a long time ago now. Now that he thought about it, it was nearly a decade ago. "What about your family?"

"Alive and well back home." Zack said with his best cheerful front. No need to go into his own family relationship, it was nothing compared to Cloud's.

They said little more, clinging to each other. They were both the only people each other had right now.

To Be Continued.

_Author Notes:_

_Urgh I caught a cold this week, so a very slow update sorry :/_

_I've reached page 100 in my master doc, this is a record for me. Mainly background in the part, next part will be mmm better I think lol._

_Thanks for reading and reviewing!!_


	15. Encounter

_Author: vulgar shudder_

_Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, lime_

_Rating: M – sexual themes (__not so explicit…)_

_Pairings: ZackxCloud_

_Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit._

**Part 15 – Encounter**

Cloud had a lucky break for once. He played Schumann's Kinderszenen op. 15, or scenes from childhood as it was known. Light and relaxing, the background din of chatter and cutlery suiting it.

He had unexpectedly been called up by a rather fancy hotel to fill in for their player who had suddenly quit. Yes, he was playing back ground music for their afternoon tea service. It had been an emergency booking, and after a short audition, they hired him for that very afternoon.

It was in a upper class restaurant, where people had to book for a month in advance. He wore a black suit with a crisp white shirt, the top button undone. It had happened all so quickly, he hadn't been given a chance to think hard about playing publicly, and he needed the money.

He'd sat at the piano in the restaurant, the diners behind him. He looked back at them, and realized no one was paying attention to him. They were talking, drinking tea and eating various mid afternoon snacks. He was a compliment to their afternoon, and free to play appropriate mood pieces.

Once he had started, Cloud quickly forgot about everyone else and tuned out the noise behind him. He played lots of Schumann, Mozart, the lighter Beethoven pieces. Easy money really.

He was coming towards the end of the piece when he head a voice address him, "Mr. Strife?" He looked up from his playing, but not stopping. People sometimes came to him with requests. An older woman was standing there, and she seemed familiar. He tried to place her face, but it wasn't working. "Oh it is you!" She said in surprise, but seemed to notice his lack of recognition. "I'm James' mother, you used to teach him piano."

Oh James he did remember. A little boy with the tendency to be violent with the keys, smashing down on them when he was frustrated. Cloud's quiet and unexcitable manner usually kept him calm though. "Oh James…" he finally managed to say. "How is he?"

She smiled, happy that he seemed to care enough to ask. "Oh he's fine…but he really misses you as a teacher." She said a little sadly.

"Oh…" Cloud couldn't stop playing, and he softened the tune as he spoke to her.

"They said you left to pursue other avenues…is this what they meant?" She asked.

Cloud had to resist a embarrassed grimace. "No, I went to study in Germany for a bit…" He explained.

"Oh really!" She seemed impressed. "Are you back to teaching now?"

The blond man hesitated a bit, pressing down the chords slowly. "I teach a little privately…"

That had obviously been the answer she was looking for. "Would you teach James again?"

Urgh this really wasn't the place to be discussing this, and he stopped playing gently. "Do you have a pen I'll give you my phone number and we can talk about this later…"

She seemed enthusiastic and found a pen and diary from her bag, and Cloud wrote out his cell phone number. "Thank you, I couldn't believe it when I looked across and saw you. But I won't disturb you anymore, you really play so beautifully."

"It's ok…" He mumbled from beneath his hair, and she left to join her friends.

~*~

Things seemed to be going swimmingly well for Zack. Cloud had picked up a few regular gigs and students, and seemed more relaxed with their routine. He'd started contributing to the rent, but Zack had only accepted a nominal amount. It really wasn't costing him that much more to have him there, and he was happy.

"Such a daydreamer romantic I can see." A female voice interrupted his thoughts and he straightened up in his work chair on reflex pretending he hadn't been staring at the same spreadsheet for 20minites.

"I hope you brought the coffee Aerith." He replied before slowly spinning around to see the slim woman holding out the hot beverage for him. "Thank you." Zack said taking it carefully.

"You want to go out for a smoke break?"

Zack looked conflicted a bit, "I'm trying to stop." It seemed a bit unfair to live to keep smoking while living with a non-smoker. Cloud had never seemed bothered but…

Aerith looked a bit put aback but didn't add further comment on it. "Soo- Hows it going, you've not been out for drinks for ages." Aerith enquired, "You always run off home from work now like Cinderella."

Zack smirked at her over the coffee cup, hardly willing to give up his secrets quite so easilly.

Aerith rolled her eyes, "You still owe me dinner, with…" She looked over the edge of the cubical to check anyone was around and then said lowly, "…with him."

Zack knew they were alone but that didn't stop him being coy, where would the fun be. "With him? You want me to find you a date?"

"Noo, I want to go to dinner with you and him." She tried to correct.

"Him, our Lord and Savior? He is always with us I don't need to invite…" Zack was cut off by a swift smack to the head. "Ow my hair, watch it." He tried to blindly set the gelled spikes back in place.

Aerith placed one hand on her hip, and glared, "Cloud, I want dinner with you me and Cloud."

Zack was going to give some smart remark but thought better, he didn't want a hair emergency on his hands. "He's shy."

"You've said that, but I think you just want to keep him to yourself."

Maybe he did, maybe he just didn't want to mix his personal and professional life. The telephone ringing interrupted his thoughts and he had to turn away from Aerith's disappointed face to answer it. "IT…" He answered and listened to the smooth voice on the other end. "I'll be right up." He said before putting the receiver down.

"It's the VP Rufus Shinra, I got to go sort out his computer." Zack stood up and noticed Aerith's pouting face still. "I'll talk to him and email you alright…" He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure we can sort something out."

Her expression changed and she seemed much happier. "Oh thank you!" She said planting a kiss on his cheek. Zack tried not to look too disgusted and rubbed the pink smudge with the back of his hand.

"Ok ok but the VP is waiting for me!"

"Oh yeah, Rufus Shinra…" Her face kind of crumpled with the thought, she had of course never met him. But there were rumors…

Neither had Zack, but no one was on the help desk today. "Thanks for the coffee, but some of us have got work you know…later, I'll email you." They parted company and Zack found himself in the elevator, and pushed the button for a high floor, leaving the basement of servers and networks.

He hadn't actually met the VP yet, the young man Rufus didn't really seem to do much work, a boon of being the President's son.

The top floor looked a world different to the IT department or any of the middle management levels. It was modern and luxurious, designed to host and impress international and government partners. Things that didn't concern a lowly IT guy. He found the office belonging to VP Shinra, and announced himself, and was waved through by an immaculate PA engrossed in some typing.

He passed through her smaller office, to the grander one. It was a very large office, but allowing more personal touches than the modern and clean hallways. The vp obviously had a thing for mahogany and antiques, the rich wood desk taking center stage. And….was that a portrait of the blond man on the wall behind the desk?

He could not initially see the VP, who was behind the high back chair facing away from him. But when the other man heard him enter, he spun around to face him holding a cell phone to his ear.

"The IT guy is here, I'll have to get back to you. We're still on for racket ball? Yeah. Ciao." The blond man said before snapping his phone closed. His blue eyes seemed to appraise the man standing there, before he offered a predatory smile. "Well, I assume you're here to fix my computer?"

Zack tried to return a polite smile. "That would be me. Zack Fair." Rather than standing there like something obviously out of place in a VP's office, he approached the desk around the back, pulling the keyboard to the side so he could access it.

"It's broke." Rufus complained from his chair beside him.

"Yeah…it appears to be…" Zack said stooping over to work since he didn't have a chair. He used a few keyboard short cuts, and the only sound in the room was him typing and tapping away. It wasn't looking too good.

"Did you…have backups?" He asked cautiously.

Rufus must have leaned over from his chair to look over Zack's shoulder to the screen. "Of some things. Why, what's wrong?"

Zack was very aware of how close the VP was, almost touching his shoulder with his chest. He could almost feel the heat radiating through his shirt. "I think something has corrupted the OS…I might need to reinstall windows…so you'd loose everything on the hard drive."

"Are you sure you can't fix it another way?"

Normally…Zack would say no, reinstalling the OS would be the fastest and easiest thing to do, it was their own fault for not backing up their files on the main server. He worried his lip a bit. But this was the VP. "If I can track down the corrupt files I may be able to fix it…it will take me longer though."

"Sounds splendid. Do what you must…" Rufus said pulling away and rolling back slightly in his chair.

"I'll just take the tower with me then…" Zack explained turning it off and pulling wires out the back. He was about to heave the tower off the desk and be on his way when a manicured hand covered his own to get his attention. Momentarily Zack's blood ran cold and he looked directly at the VP.

"Zack…Zack was it?" Rufus asked, and the other man nodded. "I'm sure that I don't have to remind you there are…sensitive documents on there, and I'd prefer it if it was just you working on it."

Urgh, he had better things to be doing…but… "Of course."

"And anything you do come across is to be strictly confidential." The blond man smiled sweetly.

"Of course, Sir."

"Please, call me Rufus; I know you're doing me a favor with this."

Except…Zack wasn't was he? This was his job and old man Shinra paid his salary. "It's really nothing" Zack tried to reassure the other man, becoming very conscious of how long the soft hand was lingering on his own. He cleared his throat and broke contact when he lifted the tower off the desk. "I'll have it back as soon as I can."

Lumbered with his precious cargo he dared not look back at the blond man, afraid of the expression he'd find. Any possibility he could imagine would be, scary to say the least. Because his arms were full he had to use his back to close the door, and only then did he allow himself a sigh of relief.

When he opened his eyes again the assistant was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, and he ignored the look to get out of there as fast as he could. He could not wait for the safety of the IT department; never had the basement dungeon seemed so welcoming.

~*~

Zack had been working late to try and fix that damn computer, until he admitted defeat for that day and travelled home on his commute.

When he opened his apartment door he was surprised to find only darkness and silence. No Cloud playing piano, or cooking dinner.

Then he realized today was the day Cloud was working until late in the evening, and in fact it was his turn to cook. He looked at the clock. Fuck it, take away would have to do. He changed out of his work clothes, showered and took a beer out of the fridge. The apartment seemed empty without Cloud now, like it had been for those months without him.

In fact he slipped back into nearly the same routine as he had during that time, and sat in front of his HD tv and turned a game console on. He fished around a stack of games until he found something new he hadn't finished yet and slouched back into the sofa.

Apart from bringing his beer to his lips every now and again, he didn't move for the next hour until the front door opened. "Hey." He called, quickly saving and turning everything off.

Cloud was coming through the front door, dropping bags and trying to get his shoes off. "Did you eat?" he asked.

Zack sheepishly raked his fingers through his hair. "Ah no I thought I'd order take out when you got back…"

Clouds eyes didn't meet the other man's as he took his coat off. "It's ok I ate something at the hotel so go and order."

Zack sighed a bit resting his elbows over the back of the couch he was looking over. "I'll just make a sandwich or something then…." He mumbled to himself, for Cloud had already gone to change leaving Zack alone again. He couldn't be bothered with food, instead went back to sprawling over the sofa finishing off his beer, listening to the sounds of Cloud move around his apartment. Well at least it didn't sound so empty now.

Then he heard Cloud come closer in the dim apartment, and he budged up to allow Cloud to sit next to him. On second thoughts he pulled the smaller man closer, pressing his face into his chest. There was no resistance from Cloud and he heard a small sigh.

"How was work?" Asked Zack.

"Tiring, you?"

"Mmm…same." But really glad to have Cloud back, and he wasn't going to mention his un-nerving encounter with the VP that afternoon.

They sat together for a while, both getting comfortable.

"Oh…" Cloud muttered, "The mother of an old student of mine saw me today. She wants me to teach her kid again."

"She does?" Zack asked, wakening up a bit. "Do you want to?"

Cloud shrugged against the older man's body, and "It's money…if I get a few more I can probably rent out a practice room at a school and teach from there…"

"Well, that's great." Zack tried to sound enthusiastic. But he realized there was something troubling him, the idea that Cloud was becoming independent again. Cloud could move out if he wanted, he wouldn't need him for support. He'd still stay though, right?

The dark haired man pushed the thoughts from his mind, and used his hand to pull Clouds chin up towards him. He wanted to say he had missed him today, and he was really happy to be with him now. But macho pride stopped the words from materializing. Instead he kissed him, feeling Cloud's body slowly relax and melt against his own. A soft hand found it's way under his t-shirt, teasing his stomach with feather light touches.

Unashamedly that's all it took to fully arouse him, and he pulled the blond man tightly against him their kisses mutually deepening in passion.

Now that Zack had Cloud in his life, he was scared of the day he would have to let go again.

To Be Continued.

_Pieces Mentioned:_

_Schumann's __Kinderszenen op. 15_

_Author Notes:_

_After a long break I think I'm ready for the second arc of this story. Thank you to all those reviews never letting me forget this fic, there's too many to thank personally but they are all appreciated. Thanks to all that are willing to pick up this story again after so long. _

_And thank you L for the suggestion._


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